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May 24, 2013
In the words of Mark Twain,
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
Well, I’m with Mr. Twain! When I receive a compliment — and when I give a compliment – it brightens my day!
When we pay a compliment to another person, we not only add some brightness to their day, but it makes us feel good as well. A compliment is a two-way gift that benefits the giver and receiver alike.
What’s interesting is that despite being a positive (mood-lifting) gesture, compliments can be difficult to give and even more difficult to accept. Women tend to have an especially difficult time accepting compliments – deflecting the positive attention by calling attention to something negative as a response, instead of smiling and simply saying “thank you.”
What about you?
Do you remember the last time someone gave you a compliment? How did you react? Did you brush it off, bat it back at the person, or did you accept it gracefully?
When was the last time you extended a compliment to someone? How was it received? And how did it make you feel to give the compliment?
Take our poll and let’s discover some insight into how people feel about giving and receiving compliments.(Link: Click here to take survey) or complete below.
Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged compliments
May 17, 2013
“We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant
Self-esteem – the holy grail of success! – is central to so many aspects of a happy, fulfilling life. Our sense of confidence, courage, ambition and worth sprout from our self-esteem like branches from a tree trunk, reaching into every aspect of our lives. Our work, our relationships, even our physical presence is infused with self-esteem. When it runs weak, our branches wilt; and when it courses through our veins, we grow strong and vibrant.
It influences everything we do and are – and yet, it’s so intangible! So mysterious. Some people seem born with it; others really struggle for it. Most of us fall somewhere in between, feeling it ebb and flow over time. One thing is certain: self-esteem is tied to happiness. And that makes it worth investigating – right?
Let’s take a closer look and see what it takes to develop self-esteem, why we tend to struggle with it, and what specific steps we can take to raise our self-esteem.
Syndicated radio therapist Dr. Laura Schlessinger once said, “In order to build your self-esteem, you need to impress yourself.” In other words, when you are genuinely pleased with yourself, your sense of pride rises – and any time you are unimpressed with your behaviours or results, self-esteem plummets.
Simple formula, right? So it may seem, but impressing yourself is no simple task. Why? Because we hold such high expectations of ourselves that it takes a LOT to impress ourselves!
Most of us are so self-critical that it is virtually impossible to earn our own approval. We are so busy looking at how far we have to go that we ignore how far we’ve come! We habitually gloss over our successes, setting our sights on the next goal before we stop to celebrate a win. We downplay our minor achievements, thinking, it was nothing… no big deal.
And that is a grave mistake. Every time we indulge that one little habit, we deny ourselves an opportunity to develop self-esteem.
The definition of self-esteem is “seeing one’s self as worthy of esteem or respect; a feeling of pride in yourself.” Psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden, perhaps the world’s leading authority on the subject, defines self-esteem as “seeing one’s self worthy of happiness.” In other words, good enough to be proud of. Good enough for YOU to be proud of.
One of the most common traps in the quest for self-esteem is trying to impress other people. Our parents, siblings, friends… neighbors, co-workers, boss… that guy at the gym, that young lady at the coffee shop. If you look good in their eyes, that’s something to be proud of, right?
Wrong. As it turns out, if you doubt yourself, the more success and approval you attain, the more you feel like a fraud.
Self-esteem is an inside job. It starts deep within and radiates outward, through everything you do and say; it’s reflected in your posture, intonation and presence. It enlivens and animates you; it colours your reputation; it commands respect. You can’t paint it on with the right clothes, the right car or the right joke.
Fortunately, there is a lot we can do to improve our self-esteem. Here are five ways to build yourself up, from the inside out:
- Check your expectations.
Do you expect too much of yourself? High standards exist to inspire you, not serve as a constant reminder that you’re not measuring up. Be willing to tweak your expectations of yourself to make them a bit more attainable. Only ask of yourself what you would ask of a “normal” person. You’re likely to hit the mark – and when you exceed it, you’re guaranteed to impress yourself.
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Celebrate your wins!
When good things happen – when you reach a milestone, achieve a goal or follow through on an intention (even a small one!) – make a point to stop, acknowledge and celebrate. You deserve it! Life is more than just climbing the mountain; it’s also about turning around and appreciating how far you’ve come. That’s what makes all the climbing worthwhile! Start a journal of personal achievements and challenge yourself to enter something every day… even if it’s as minor as getting out of bed on time. The more you look for your wins, the more you will see, and the stronger your self-esteem will become.
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Honour your word.
Following through on your commitments… speaking honestly… communicating consciously and non-violently… these behaviours are deeply connected to a sense of self-respect. Have you ever noticed how awful you feel when your words and your actions are out of alignment? Even if you “get away with” telling a lie or failing to follow through, a guilty conscience will make sure you pay the penalty in self-esteem points. The same holds true when you lose your temper and unload on someone – whether they deserved it or not. Practice communicating your position without doing damage to yourself or others.
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Lead with your heart.
One of the easiest ways to feel good about yourself is to show you care about others. Random acts of kindness are fun and inspiring, and they benefit the giver as much as the recipient. Watch for moments when you can lend a hand, offer words of encouragement, or acknowledge someone’s effort. Step out of your comfort zone to show that you care about a fellow human being and you will impress yourself every time.
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Vanish your “shoulds” – and embrace your “coulds.”
We all have things in the back of our minds that we think we “should” do… but we don’t. Exercise more? Call Mom? Watch less television? Whatever it is, those “shoulds” are taking a huge toll on your self-esteem. The longer you ignore them, the more damage they do. In the wise words of author Louise Hay,
I believe that should is one of the most damaging words in our language. Every time we use should, we are, in effect, saying “wrong.” Either we are wrong or we were wrong or we are going to be wrong. I don’t think we need more wrongs in our life. We need to have more freedom of choice. I would like to take the word should and remove it from the vocabulary forever. I’d replace it with the word could. Could gives us a choice, and we are never wrong.
I couldn’t agree more! Here’s a powerful strategy to turn your shoulds into coulds, and give yourself a massive self-esteem boost.
Conquer Your Inertia! 4 Steps to Get Clear and Get Moving
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Identify the one thing you could START doing that would make the biggest positive impact in your life. And, identify the one thing you could STOP doing that would benefit you the most. Chances are, you already know what these things are; you’ve probably had more than a few conversations with yourself about them. Take a few minutes to get crystal clear that yes, these are the two things I could address that would make the biggest difference in my life. Write each one down.
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Next, make a detailed list of the benefits that will come when you follow through on these.
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Now make a detailed list of why you’ve been resisting these steps.
Ex. The one thing I could start doing that would really benefit my life is: exercising daily.
- It would benefit my life through: improved health; more energy; confidence; being able to wear my “skinny” clothes again; increased ability to play with my (grand)kids; mental clarity.
- I’ve been avoiding this because: I hate to get sweaty; it’s hard to find time; I feel weak and inept; I feel self-conscious in the gym; I don’t know how to get started.
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Once you’ve gotten clear, it’s time to start taking steps that will move you in the right direction. Start with simple, easy to achieve steps. Maybe you share your list with a supportive friend. Maybe you start with just five minutes of exercise a day. Whatever it is, acknowledge yourself for moving in the right direction, every step of the way. Stick with it, and as your track record improves, you will feel yourself becoming the person you always knew you could be.
When you activate the potential that lies within you, your self-esteem rises exponentially! So go ahead… impress yourself.
Margaret Page
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Posted by Margaret Page in A Page of Insight
May 17, 2013
Last week I posted an article for employees called “How to Navigate Social Media: For Employers,” that provided some basic guidance on how to create a social media policy for business owners. This week, I’ve changed gears and am sharing some etiquette tips for employees who are using social media both for personal use and in business.
We live in a world where social media plays a prominent role as a channel of communication. We connect with friends, family, colleagues–and even people we don’t know personally. The ability to share information, any time, anywhere, and with anyone around the world is amazing–but with that ability comes responsibility. What you post on social media sites is out there — forever.
Something you may not have considered is this: When you post content on social media sites –even your personal Facebook or Twitter accounts–it can affect your job, as well as the public perception of the company you work for.
It’s dangerous to assume that only your personal friends and family are seeing the content you post online. If you post it on the web, you can guarantee someone will find it—and they may or may not be directly connected to you.
Use your common sense. A good rule of thumb is this: If you wouldn’t say it loudly, in front of your mother, you shouldn’t say it on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or any other social media site.
Having said that, there are definitely some things you can do today to make sure you’re not violating social media ethics set out by your company:
- Double check privacy settings on all your social media platforms. Facebook tends to set things for you – as a default – and it’s important that you check in on the settings from time to time to make sure you’re sharing only what you want to share.
- Google yourself. Yes, set up a Google alert to track mentions of your name.
- Think twice before sharing personal gripes about your workplace on any social media network. It’s just not appropriate, or professional. Your privacy settings may be just fine, but common sense dictates that many of your online “friends” have little or no privacy protection on their own page—opening your comment up for public view. Also, anyone can do a simple “copy, paste and repost”—landing you in hot water with your company.
- Refrain from discussing any information that:
- is derogatory
- is confidential or proprietary
- may be valuable to a competitor, such as product launch dates or pending reorganizations, etc.
Be very familiar with your employer’s social media policy. Understand it, and take it seriously.
These 6 “Rs” of social media will help keep you focused on the business etiquette rules of social media use as an employee:
- Reasonable. Use reasonable etiquette online at all times– just as you would offline. If you like your job, avoid the use of profanity or sharing inappropriate photos online.
- Representation. Be clear about who you are, and who you represent online.
- Respect. Don’t share anything on social media that you wouldn’t share with the whole office—and your mother.
- Responsibility. Make sure you are not violating legal guidelines, or any other company-mandated policies about revealing proprietary company information.
- Restraint. Before you hit the send button, pause and reread. Whatever you post is out there forever—associated with your name. “Think before you tweet!”
- Remember. Familiarize yourself with your company’s social media policy. Keep it top of mind every time you share anything online.
“Only when the tide goes out do you discover who’s been swimming naked.” ~ Warren Buffett
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged social media etiquette
May 13, 2013
Social media is everywhere… and whatever you share online is there forever. As the quote goes:
“The Internet’s not written in pencil, it’s written in ink.”
For companies who are new to jump on board the social media train, it can be a little overwhelming. More than ever, it’s important for employers to be in tune in to what’s being said
Managing your online reputation isn’t as cut-and-dry as it used to be. Your customers are online… and they’re talking about you, your products and your services. The good news is, just like the “fly on the wall,” you have the ability to listen to what’s being said—by everyone.
Through social media conversations, companies have an unprecedented ability to truly get involved in conversations and deepen relationships with customers. But where do you begin?
If companies are struggling to understand social media, it’s likely the direction they’ve given employees on social media use is also a little wishy-washy.
Although companies can’t control what’s being said about them on social media, they are entitled to regulate what employees say about their products—and who can speak on the company’s behalf on social media.
The first thing we advise companies to do, before they even begin to think about communicating through social media, is to create a social media policy for employees.
Whether these employees hold the keys to the corporate social media accounts, or use social media for their personal use—your employees need to be aware that they are representatives of your brand—and perception is everything.
At the very start of the process, be clear about what you expect from your employees when it comes to social media use. Set clear boundaries, especially if you want them to be part of your brand building process. Empower and encourage your employees to communicate, but give examples of things they should, and should not, communicate online.
By creating a solid social media policy, you can establish the standard of behavior you deem acceptable. Your social media policy should address:
- The extent of personal use that is permitted during work hours and on work devices.
- Boundaries for what kind of company information can (and cannot) be shared online.
- Whether or not employees are permitted to comment on issues related to the business, its employees or clients. Consider adding that personal posts made by employees must contain a disclaimer that the opinions expressed are solely their own.
- The extent of association to the employer in personal posts. Example: a policy may prohibit the use of work email addresses when employees set up profiles on social media sites.
- If the employee comments on any aspect of the company’s business, they must clearly identify themselves as an employee and include a disclaimer, such as “the opinions expressed are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of “company name.”
- Copyright laws. With the abundance of free online media—like Google images, for example—it’s important to inform employees about the rules of use. Many people are unaware that the images displayed on Google may be protected by copyright. You don’t want to find yourself being served with legal documents!
- The use of company logos. Postings should not include company logos or trademarks unless permission granted.
- Engaging in debates or arguments online. When your employees engage in heated conversations online, it’s a reflection of your company—and shed it in a negative light. Include a statement such as “Do not engage in debates or share inflammatory comments in response to a negative communication about X company, its employees, or products.”
- How employees deal with customers. Identify specific ways employees engage and interact with customers online.
- Social media etiquette. Especially if an employee is posting as a representative of the company, it’s important that they know the social P’s and Q’s. Some obvious ones include language use (no profanity!)–but other social media etiquette dos and don’ts might include things like the number of times you reach out to clients to connect or the “tone of voice” to use. All communications are a direct reflection of your brand positioning, and it’s important that your employees understand that.
- That the company reserves the right to request the certain subjects are avoided, withdraw certain posts, and remove inappropriate comments.
- Consequences for breaching the social media policy standards.
When creating a social media policy you don’t have to reinvent the wheel, the Social Media Governance website has an online database of over 100 social media policies.
The best rule of thumb is to keep your social media policy as simple, but specific as possible so that it’s easily understood and interpreted by your employees.
Do you have a social media policy for your business? What tips do you have to share with employers?
photo credit: ransomtech via photopin cc
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged social media etiquette for employers
May 2, 2013
Bill Gates found himself the topic of conversation last week—and it had nothing to do with technology. Tongues were wagging and heads were shaking in South Korea when Bill Gates greeted President Park Geun-hye with a one-hand shake, while his other hand was in his pocket.
Gates probably didn’t realize it, but a one-hand shake in Korean culture is done only when the other party is a good friend, of the same or younger age. In formal situations, greeting someone in a formal situation with a one-hand shake, with your other hand tucked into your pants pocket, is considered rude and disrespectful. The handshake, along with his open jacket, was way too casual and sparked a firestorm of controversy.
If you’re doing business around the world, you’re likely to make a cultural faux pas. Example: Did you know that in Brazil, your briefcase or bag should never be placed on the ground? When at a business meeting in Brazil, hang your bag on the chair or a hook.
Global business continues to expand—and it’s up to you to do your homework and put your best international foot forward when visiting another country for business. Having an awareness, and sensitivity, to their unique culture is extremely important and can affect the outcome of business communication. One small misstep, such as addressing an individual incorrectly, or not observing the rules of gift giving or timing, can be costly.
Here are some other global business etiquette and customs to consider:
In Great Britain, if someone taps his or her nose, it’s a signal that something is to be kept confidential. So keep a look out for that!
When meeting for business in China, Czech Republic, Bolivia or Japan, be sure to bring along a gift.
Speaking of gift giving, in the Chinese culture, certain gifts are associated with death and should never be given. These include: clocks, handkerchiefs, straw sandals and a stork or a crane.
If you’re dining out in Japan and China, you are not expected to leave a tip. Leaving a tip can be construed as offensive in these countries as it implies that the employee is undervalued by their employer. (Here’s a handy guide for tipping etiquette around the world.)
A few other things to note when traveling abroad: In India, cows are considered sacred, so refrain from ordering beef when attending a business dinner. In Saudi Arabia, it’s considered a popular gesture of friendship between men to hold hands while walking. Also of note, when dining in Islamic countries, it is inappropriate to eat with your left hand. Women visiting or doing business in Iran should always cover their arms, legs and hair.
When it comes to cultural etiquette, the first step in bridging the gap is awareness. Next week we’ll share 10 more global business etiquette tips that will help you navigate business with confidence no matter where you are in the world!
photo credit: Judy Vandervelden
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Posted by Margaret in International Etiquette
April 11, 2013
Today’s blog is a guest post provided by Phoebe Yu.
So you’ve mastered the ancient art of chopsticks-fu, and can order your way out of a dimsum cart. But Chinese dining is more than delicious food and fragrant dishes. Eating together is a highly social activity, which is why dishes are always shared and individual portions don’t exist. The round table and round plates and bowls as well, symbolize harmony and union.
Therefore, it’s good to keep a few things in mind when eating out at a Chinese restaurant, to preserve the social harmony of the dining table.
Here are some dos and don’ts of Chinese dining:
- Do be polite and always think of others before yourself. This is probably the most important rule of thumb that you can stick to, and it is probably the root of all the other rules of Chinese dining etiquette.
- The head of the table sits farthest away from the door or the crowds (in a crowded restaurant).
- Do serve others first before yourself. Once the dishes start arriving, don’t put the food in your plate first, but start by serving the others in your table. In typical Chinese dining fashion, the eldest is normally served first. Same goes when pouring the tea.
- Don’t hoard. You typically take small portions from the communal dishes so that everyone else has a chance to try the food.
- Don’t turn the Lazy Susan while someone else is taking food from the communal dishes, but wait for them to finish. And the Lazy Susan always goes clockwise.
- Don’t use your chopsticks to poke and inspect the food in the communal dishes. Instead, just take the piece or the portion you want and transfer it straight to your bowl.
- Don’t leave your chopsticks standing vertically on your rice bowl, but use the chopstick rest on your table.
- Don’t take the last piece. Instead, offer it to others.
- Do cover your mouth with your hand or napkin when using a toothpick, so that other people don’t see the food stuck in your teeth. However, in North America it is considered impolite to use toothpicks at the table to remove lodged food particles. Instead, excuse yourself and use the restroom.
- Finally, always fight for the bill and offer to pay. However, the Chinese have a perfected system in place when it comes to bill payment. So although one person pays this time, the other will get the bill for the next time. And they usually remember who paid the last time, so the bill payment is fairly rotated among friends.
It’s important to note though, that you won’t be expected to learn all the rules or subtle nuances of Chinese dining etiquette. As long as you stick to these general tips, your next Chinese dining experience should come as a breeze!
About the author: Phoebe Yu is a Vancouver-based writer. To learn more, visit her at: yuphoebe.blogspot.ca
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Posted by Margaret in Dining Etiquette and tagged chinese dining etiquette
April 4, 2013
I recently read an article by Nick Bilton, columnist and lead writer at The New York Times, titled Disruptions: Digital Era Redefining Etiquette. In the article, Bilton writes “Who leaves a voice mail message when you don’t answer, rather than texting you? Don’t these people realize they’re wasting your time?”
I was a little surprised by the sentiment that leaving a voice mail for someone was “a waste of time.” Sending off a quick text makes sense to me if it’s just a short response or quick communication – but to stop leaving voicemails altogether because it’s considered a waste of time? I simply don’t believe that’s true, even (and maybe especially) in a world where, as Bilton states, “…we are drowning in digital communication.” Do we really want to revert to non-verbal communication as a standard way of communicating?
I do agree that the social norms for communication have shifted due to texting and social media, but when you get to the end of your life are you going to say “I’m so glad I sent out 65000 tweets,” or are you going to recall the conversations you had with your mother every Sunday evening?
Is the 60 seconds you save by sending a text message, or a tweet, really more important than really giving time to an individual?
Know Your Audience
As Bilton noted in his article, the way we handle these differing standards is by thinking of your audience. It’s about being flexible in how you communicate with people. Think about who the relationship is with and be flexible. Your mother, for example, probably enjoys hearing your voice, so a voicemail left on her phone is going to make her smile, not annoy her. A busy colleague, on the other hand, is not going to be surprised that you texted him when you were ready to head to a lunch appointment. It’s what he’s expecting.
We’ve all heard of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” but with that “rule,” there is an assumption that others would like to be treated the way that you want to be treated. An alternative to the Golden Rule is the Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way in they want to be treated.”
When thinking about whether to text someone, tweet someone – or if you’re trying to decide if you should leave a voice message, think about what that particular individual prefers. If their preferred method of communicating is email, then send an email. Texting? Text away! We need to meet people in their model of world, not our own.
“You’ll never know until you try to reach them, how accessible men are. But you must approach each man by the right door”
~ Henry Ward Beecher
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Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged etiquette tips for communication, Platinum Rule
March 28, 2013
Google recently announced that they are closing Google Reader on July 1, 2013. For those of you who are subscribed to our blog feed to stay on top of our business etiquette articles, here are a few options for you.
If you read your RSS feeds on different devices, or locations (at home, at work, on your iPad or laptop), stick to a web-based reader, similar to your current Google Reader. The hottest RSS feed reader replacement among users, especially since the Google announcement, appears to be Feedly. The default interface for Feedly is a little different than your Google Reader–more “newspaper-like,” but you do have the option to change the view of all category and feed pages in the settings. Lots of customization available, as well, with this reader.
Feedly offers easy-to-follow instructions on how to migrate from Google Reader, so you won’t lose all of your current News Feed setups. Note: If you do migrate over to Feedly, you’ll need to follow a few more tips to add additional feeds. We found these 8 tips that should help you get started.
Not a big fan of RSS readers? Most of our blog subscribers for Etiquette Page have signed up for updates via email. Just enter your email address in the box on the right side of our blog page and a notification will be sent to your inbox when a new blog article is posted on the website.
I think I covered it, for now. I hope you have enjoyed the posts we’ve been sharing these last few years.
We are eager to provide additional value to our readers in the months and years to come that will give you the tools to be more professional and win more business.
Please feel free to send me a note or post comment here on the blog if there is a business etiquette topic you’d like us to cover — or if you would like to share a story or ask an etiquette question. I love hearing from our readers!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette
March 14, 2013
According to a recent article posted on Mashable, there are now 1 billion Endorsements on LinkedIn. Sounds impressive, but I’m wondering (and it appears others are, as well), what’s the true value of an Endorsement on LinkedIn nowadays? Can you really trust the validity of these “one-click” endorsements if you’re looking at a LinkedIn user’s professional profile?
The Endorsements feature, which was introduced last September, offers a quick way to recognize your first-degree connections’ skills and expertise. To endorse someone in your network, you simply scroll down to the Skills and Expertise section on the person’s profile and click the name of the skill or click on the + sign next to the skill. That’s all.
After you endorse a person, your photo shows up next to that skill on the person’s profile (which is why I feel so many people have jumped on the bandwagon!) The person you endorsed will also receive an email alerting them that you’ve endorsed them for a particular skill.
As much as I truly appreciate all recommendations from clients and colleagues, I have to wonder if this new feature adds anything to your professional value or diminishes it. How does this fit in with your networking goals?
For example, I have several “thumbs up” endorsements for the skill “Non-profits,” which is not really a skill – so the whole idea just confuses me. And I’ve heard of so many people who say their email box is filling up with endorsements from people they’ve never worked with.
The fact that they have made it so easy to “endorse” a professional connection on LinkedIn is a double-edged sword. Sure, easy seems better – since we’re all so busy – but what about authenticity? As an example, there will be job seekers who will simply have their buddies give them the LinkedIn thumbs up- and there’s no way for an employer or recruiter to know whether the person making the endorsements is qualified to do so. Which, in my opinion, is why the credibility of those endorsements are diminished by this new feature.
Recommendations on LinkedIn, whether given or received, are a way of sharing specific ways you enjoyed working with an individual, the traits they possess that helped you overcome a business problem, or best describes the kind of skills you bring to the table. It’s based on your personal experience with the individual you’re recommending. And it’s typically specific—and authentic—and adds value to your business profile.
LinkedIn is a wonderful place to build your professional network and showcase your skills and expertise, so I’m not quite sure why they would place an “easy” button on the site.
I would love to hear what you think of the new unsolicited “Skill Endorsements.” Do you think they add any value to your professional profile—or do you feel it muddies the waters of the networking site?
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged linkedIn endorsements
March 9, 2013
5 Places To Avoid Using Your Cell Phone
Everywhere you go, people are chatting on their cell phones. The grocery store, doctor’s offices, and even in the bathroom! Marketing agency, 11Mark, conducted a study last year – polling 1000 mobile-toting Americans about their bathroom and tech habits and the results might surprise you. They certainly surprised me!
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Posted by Margaret Page in Newsletters
