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October 14, 2013
Have you ever received an email and it was unclear which name was the first name and which was the last? Many cultures don’t follow the Western convention of given name followed by family name.
I have been working with a colleague of mine from Toastmasters who is from Singapore, and he’s been giving me some guidance on the use of surnames versus given names in communication.
Chinese, Korean, Japanese and Vietnamese names are presented in reverse from Western names. The surname, or family name, is always said or written first and then the given name. When written, such as in the signature of a letter or email communication, the surname is often entirely capitalized to make it easier for people to distinguish it from the first name. As an example, my colleague’s full name is CHUNG Li– Chung is the surname and Li is his given name.
However, it’s important to note that those who returned from overseas, especially from the U.S., have adopted to the Western format – first name followed by last name. This can definitely be a source of confusion in Asia, with the fusion of different cultures.
It’s also interesting to learn that in Chinese, the professional, social and family titles follow the family name in written communication, such as with the example: Chung Jingli (Manager Chung). When speaking to, or about a Chinese person in English, the title is said before the family name. For example, Chung Xiansheng (Mr. Chung).
In China, it’s inappropriate to call someone by only his or her last name. Chinese generally introduce guests using their full title and company names. You should do the same: Example: Mr. Louis smith, CEO of Canadian Press Association.
Chinese women use their maiden names, even after marriage, but may indicate their marital status by using Mrs., Ms., Miss, or Madam. However, children take on the surname of their father.
Important to note, as my colleague pointed out, “There are many non-conformists, so it’s rather difficult to generalize when you are in Asia. It’s best to ask if you are unsure, so you don’t get it totally wrong!”
Today, more than ever, we have great opportunities to build business relationships with people around the world. Don’t let a slip up, like addressing someone incorrectly, set an uneasy tone for your relationship. Take the time to learn about the Asian culture and customs—the payoff for both of you will be well worth it! As they say, imitation is the highest form of flattery.
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Posted by Margaret in Communication
October 3, 2013
What we say, verbally, is only a small part of how we communicate with others. The most influential part of communication involves the things we don’t say out loud. It’s what people see that has the greatest impact on how we are perceived.
The nonverbal signals we “put out” conveys our message more powerfully than words. And whether we are conscious of it or not, we send out signals that don’t always match up what we’re trying to communicate—or how we want others to perceive us.
Whether we admit it or not, we make sweeping judgements about people based on their body language. Think about the last time you met someone at a networking event. Did that person maintain good eye contact with you, or was he or she fidgeting and scanning the room? If you’re talking with someone who appears to be disengaged, it doesn’t really matter how good the topic of conversation is, you’ve already formed an opinion of him or her based on their body language—and it’s not likely someone you’ll seek out again.
Our body sends cues to the person we’re talking to that has little to do with what’s being said. It says, “I’m bored and uninterested,” or “I’m excited to meet you!”
No matter what words we use, the body doesn’t lie.
Powerful Gestures
Our body language dictates the way people see us but it can also shape our own beliefs on who we are.
Research from Harvard and Columbia Business Schools shows that by holding your body in an expansive “power pose”—leaning back with hands behind the head and feet on a desk, or standing with legs and arms stretched open—will help you feel more confident. Striking these “high-power” poses, for as little as two minutes stimulates higher levels of testosterone—the hormone linked to power—and lowers the levels of cortisol, a stress hormone.
Be conscious of how you’re standing. It’s the first giveaway on whether you are a person of power or not. When you stand straight, with your shoulders back and your head up, you are conveying the message that you are confident and at ease in the situation.
Low-Power Gestures
If we’re uncomfortable in a situation, we tend to make ourselves smaller—we close up. We slouch, keep our feet pointed away from us, have our arms crossed and avoid eye contact. Although we may not realize it, these signals give the impression that we’re unapproachable, defensive and uninterested.
It’s important to note that that the stories we tell ourselves before entering into a situation can have a huge impact on the way our body responds. If you tell yourself that you can’t do it, your body language will communicate that.
What are you saying with your body language? One way to find out is to take a look for yourself. Have someone videotape you engaged in a conversation, and then take a look at the way you are communicating – nonverbally, that is. Ask yourself how you would view someone who looks, talks and acts like you do.
Adjust as needed.
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged body language, communication, nonverbal, power gestures
September 24, 2013
Today, I am thrilled to share an article written by Gobinder Gill.
The grade two teacher poses a simple problem, ‘’there are four blackbirds in a tree. You take a slingshot and shoot at one of them and how many do you have left? ‘’Three’’ answers the seven- year-old European boy with certainty. ‘’Zero’’ answers the South Asian boy with equal certainty. ‘’If you shoot at one bird then others will also fly away.’’
The problem, as it turns out, is not that simple. In some ways it gets to the very heart of Canada’s increasing cultural diversity, and the cultural need if we are to compete in the global marketplace and even at home. Furthermore it is critical to recognize this diversity, understand it, value it and finally manage it.
Managing this lucrative market at home and abroad is not easy. In major cities such as Vancouver, Toronto and Montreal, many businesses have finally woken up to the concept that ethnic markets cannot be ignored. It is predicted that by 2031, the visible minorities will make up 33 percent of Canada’s population. However, in Vancouver the visible minorities will be 59 percent of the population and in Toronto it will be 62 percent of the population.
I can still recall the days during radio advertising in the late 80’s when businesses were reluctant to target any of the ethnic groups, even the Chinese or South Asian. Often the answer was something like this: perhaps you can air the commercial spots for free and then we will see what happens. Try saying that now!
When it comes to advertising, what works in the mainstream does not necessarily work in the ethnic market. A campaign needs to be specifically targeted to each group individually whether that is the South Asian community or the Chinese.
Even huge corporations have made blunders that cost them dearly in the pocket book. In the 80’s McDonalds conducted a huge campaign selling pork burgers: portraying a Muslim Man dressed in white eating a pork burger. This ad was pulled off quickly because Muslims do not eat pork. In another example, was when General Motors spent million on marketing its Nova in South America. Nova in English means new star, however, in Spanish, Nova means no go. Apparently GM did not sell many Novas in South America.
As Canada’s population becomes much more culturally diverse, it is important for organizations to do research when targeting the various ethnic communities. One size does not fit all.
About the Author:
Gobinder Gill has a profound perspective on Canadian diversity that can only come from first-hand experience. Overcoming a disadvantaged childhood and racial prejudice, he built a distinguished career in the broadcasting industry. Today Gobinder Gill has an impressive resume of experience in the mainstream as well as ethnic media, including radio, TV, film and print.
He has provided cultural awareness training for companies and organizations. In addition, has written a book on cultural diversity in the workplace called Achieving Prosperity through Diversity and is available for public speaking engagements, seminars and workshops.
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Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged diversity
September 23, 2013
We receive this etiquette question often, so we thought we would reach out to our readers to get your feedback. Both men and women alike are asking “Should men open the car door for a woman?”
We’re reaching out to you, our readers to get your feedback on the topic! Take a few moments – both men and women, alike – and take our quick poll. Feel free to add your comments here on the blog and let’s see where this conversation takes us!
Thanks for your help! (Be sure to share with your friends!)
For the Gentlemen
Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.
For the Ladies
Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette
August 16, 2013
I was talking to a copywriter friend the other day and the topic of business referrals came up. She was telling me a story about how she recently received a message on LinkedIn that said “Good morning Courtney. I am looking for a copywriter to help me with some press releases and George Lukas referred you to me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.”
My first impression was that this was good news. Who wouldn’t be happy with getting a referral for a new business opportunity? But as I listened to the experiences Courtney has had in the past with these types of referrals, it really made me wonder how valuable recommendations and referrals are in business today.
Let me explain.
Courtney shared with me, first, that she had never even worked with George Lukas – the gentleman who referred her—and so, George had no real insight into the way Courtney worked with clients. He had simply searched through his LinkedIn connections to find someone who he felt fit the bill and sent her name out as a referral. In these situations, in the past, Courtney has found these referrals to be frustrating and counterproductive, both to her and to the person who was given the referral because it’s more of a shot-in-the-dark that the connection is a good fit. And it has no reflection on the quality of work that Courtney provides in her specific niche.
Obviously, George thought he was being a nice guy – helping out both of the parties by connecting them—but without having worked with Courtney, he couldn’t really give an honest assessment of whether she was the “right” person for the job.
This leads me to the question: Are personal recommendations losing their value because we can so liberally extend “skill” endorsements to people we have never even worked with?
If employers use LinkedIn endorsements as a gauge, are they really able to find candidates that fit the bill? Or is it now more of a popularity contest? Those with the most LinkedIn endorsements win?
Although I know that company recruiters are looking at LinkedIn as a source for job applicants, I have to believe that they, like me, take LinkedIn endorsements with a grain of salt.
If you really want to stand out from your competitors, take the time to seek out honest-to-goodness business referrals. Reach out to coworkers, former supervisors, or clients you have worked with and ask for a recommendation. A letter of recommendation, that shares specific information about your unique skills, is still the best way to get your foot in the door for a job interview, or land a new project.
I still use the recommendation I received from my kindergarten teacher when pitching an etiquette seminar to a new client: “Margaret Page is a very enthusiastic little girl. She’s a very good listener…and loves to chat. And chat. And chat. Margaret will make a wonderful speaker one day. :)”
Seriously, when asking for a personal recommendation, on LinkedIn for example, follow these tips:
- Seek out at least 10 people on LinkedIn you have worked with who can recommend you.
- Don’t wait too long. As soon as you leave a company, reach out for recommendations as soon as possible. This way your experience working with that individual is fresh in their mind.
- Be specific. Ask the person to recommend you for something specific that you have worked on together, like a big project. If you don’t, you might end up with a generic recommendation like “Margaret was a delightful person to work with.”
- Say “thank you.” When you receive a recommendation on LinkedIn, you are prompted to return the favor. Only reciprocate the gesture if you really are comfortable recommending the person. Either way, be sure to send a note of thanks after you receive any recommendations, LinkedIn or otherwise.
We would love to get your thoughts on recommendations. If you’re a hiring manager or a recruiter, do you read recommendations on LinkedIn? How much value do you place on recommendations and referrals today?
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged referral etiquette, linkedin recommendations
August 8, 2013
I was at the doctor’s office the other day, pleasantly flipping through the spring issue of a home and garden magazine, when my quiet moment was “hijacked” by another patient sitting across the room. There were about 20 people in the waiting room—all of us sitting quietly, waiting our turn. The key word here is … “quietly.” There were two children waiting for their grandmother, who were sitting ever-so-quietly—the young boy was playing with a Gameboy or some other handheld electronic device and the little girl, who couldn’t have been more than four, was happily coloring in her coloring book. The waiting room was… as expected…quiet.
And then the hijacking occurred.
I literally jumped, as I was absorbed in the article I was reading, when I heard this (very loudly) echo across the room: “What ethnicity am I? I know what race I am, but the papers they want me to fill out ask me for my ethnicity? So would you say I’m European? Should I put that? And what about my medication? I know I take X medication and Y medication, and then for my arthritis I take that Z medication, but what is it I take for the irritable bowel again?”
I glanced around the room to see that I wasn’t the only one who had their heads lifted, glancing (some glaring) at the woman in the center of the room who was practically yelling into her cell phone. She was filling out paperwork for the doctor and proceeded to go through every single question with the recipient on the other end of the phone. This went on for close to 15 minutes. When she was through with the form, she stayed on the phone to spill a little gossip about the lady who lives behind her who, in her words, “is always flaunting her wares up and down her driveway… why she can’t put on some clothes to get her mail is beyond me. It just ain’t right. Is it? I mean, she has grown teenagers and she walks around all…” Well, you get he picture. All 19 of us were subjected to this story…whether we wanted to be privy to it or not.
Our privacy—our silence—was hijacked!
I am sure every single one of you reading this has a story of being hijacked. Whether it’s in a doctor’s office, grocery store or in an elevator—there are so many people who don’t recognize that their conversations are hijacking the personal space of others.
In a recent study, published in the journal of PLoS One, college kids who were asked to complete anagrams while a nearby researcher talked on her cellphone were more irritated and distracted—and far more likely to remember the contents of the conversation. The study is part of growing research on why cell phones rank so high on the list of modern day irritants.
So what do we do to solve this? We would love to hear your thoughts, and your experiences. Let’s start a movement to “stop the hijacking!”
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Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged cell phone etiquette, cell phone abuse, hijacking personal space
August 1, 2013
Not only do we need an attitude of gratitude but we also need to acknowledge our gratitude for “attitude.” Those people on your team who are enthusiastic and upbeat to work with deserve to be recognized for the value of their attitude.
Having an “attitude of gratitude”—whether it’s with your employees, coworkers, or clients– is a powerful tool in business. A recent study by Bersin & Associates underscores the bottom-line implications of saying thank you in the workplace. The study reveals that companies that have employee recognition programs are 12 times more likely to enjoy strong business results. Now, that’s a powerful number!
Sadly, however, only 20 percent of organizations are paying attention to the value of this model—and they’re missing out on a huge opportunity to nurture business relationships.
It’s very easy to take people for granted— we can get so busy in all we want to accomplish we sometimes lose awareness of what’s going on with the people around us and forget to acknowledge them.
If you’re a business owner or a manager, take note, a word of appreciation given to someone who went above and beyond on a project tells that person that you notice his or her efforts. And that matters.
Thanks for the Attitude!
When giving praise, it’s easier to acknowledge a person’s accomplishments when they’re tangible. Completing a big project. Winning a new client for the company. Meeting year-end personal goals. All of these are cause for recognition, but we don’t always give praise to those around us who make our jobs easier—just by the way they handle themselves on projects and tasks.
It’s inspiring to work with people who are oozing with positivity and excitement, and that attitude needs to be recognized (as it’s often rare!) It makes such a difference to everyone on the team when you are working with people who are enthusiastic. Who wants to work with a Debbie-downer day in and day out?
So, be sure to recognize that positive attitude – because the alternative attitude is not much fun. :-]
A sincere thank you isn’t just good manners—it’s good business.
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Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged giving praise, gratitude attitude
June 25, 2013
As business professionals struggle to differentiate themselves from their competition, manners are more important than ever. How you present yourself matters–and sometimes it’s the little things we do that cast a negative cloud over us. These etiquette blunders can be very damaging to our professional relationships.
Have you ever left a voicemail for a business contact after hours — knowing full well that person was unavailable to speak with you? Clearly, you were trying to avoid talking to that person! You know it–and trust me, they know it too.
This is a great example of a business etiquette blunder.
I’ve put together a list of a few top etiquette blunders to avoid. I’d love for you to share your experiences with us. Add your top business etiquette pet peeve(s) to the list! Just click the button to add your own!
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged top business etiquette blunders
June 14, 2013
Happy Flag Day! Today, Friday, June 14, Flag Day is celebrated in the United States. Flag Day commemorates the adoption of the American flag June 14, 1777. Though not an official holiday, celebrating the day when the Continental Congress adopted the Stars and Stripes has been a long and honored tradition for most U.S. citizens. Parades and parties are planned, and across the country you’ll see the American flag displayed proudly outside of homes and businesses.
With the day fast approaching, I thought this might be a good time to take a look at the rules for respectfully displaying the American flag. The Flag Code—the official rules for displaying the flag–covers all kinds of specific situations, but are governed by one basic principle: the flag is one of the most visible and important symbols of the country and should be treated with respect.
Some general flag etiquette guidelines include:
- When displaying the flag outdoors, it should be suspended vertically, with the union to the north in an east and west street or to the east in a north and south street.
- The flag, when carried in a procession with another flag or flags, should be either on the marching right, or, if there is a line of other flags, in front of the center of that line.
- The flag should not be draped over the hood, top, sides, or back of a car. If flag is displayed on a car, it is to be firmly attached to the chassis.
- No part of the flag should touch the ground. When lowered from a staff, it must be held and then neatly folded and stored.
- The flag code allows for flying the flag upside down only “as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.”
Wondering how to properly fold a flag? Here’s a great visual that walks you through the steps.
Happy Flag Day to all of my American friends!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged flag day
June 11, 2013
In the first part of our global etiquette tips series, we talked about the highly publicized cultural faux pas made by Microsoft tycoon, Bill Gates. His one-handed shake “shook up” the Korean culture.
Even if you’re a seasoned traveler – or a billionaire – the most subtle of misunderstandings in cultural differences can cause a stir. Differences in things as simple as office etiquette and opinions on the correct level of business formality can cause tensions.
When doing business globally, it’s important to remember that the expressions we use in the Western world may mean something entirely different in another country. Did you know, for example, that when the Japanese use the expression “sitting near the window,” they are referring to employees the company is retiring?
Here are some other global business etiquette and customs to consider:
In the Middle East, the right hand is the only hand used for eating as the left hand is reserved for bodily hygiene and is considered unclean. Shaking hands or handing an item to someone with one’s left hand is considered an insult.
When in Greece, Turkey or Bulgaria, note that shaking your head to indicate a negative response means the opposite!
In Japan, it’s best to avoid wrapping gifts in red or white as the as the color is associated with funerals and weddings. In China, red is considered lucky, so a good choice for gift wrapping, but skip the white paper as white is used in funeral and connotes death.
Also note the following dining customs when doing business in Asia:
Don’t rest your chopsticks vertically in your rice bowl. Stowing chopsticks in this way is considered impolite. The sight of two upright chopsticks in a bowl is a harbinger of death as it’s reminiscent of the incense sticks that the Chinese traditionally burn in veneration of loved ones.
If you’re dining with a group of people, a good rule of thumb is to order dishes equivalent to the number of people in your party, plus one. Makes sense as you want to ensure you have enough food. But if you’re in China, and the number of people in your group is an even number, this formula will put you at an odd number of dishes—which is a ‘no-no’ in the country. An odd number of dishes symbolizes death.
Exploring the world, whether for business or for pleasure, is such a wonderful way to be exposed to new and exciting cultures. Before you pack your bags, make an effort to learn a little about the culture and customs of the people you’re visiting. They will value you all the more for your efforts, and you’ll avoid Bill Gates moment!
Would love to hear about your travels. Share with us in the comments below!
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Posted by Margaret in International Etiquette
Have you ever received an email and it was unclear which name was the first name and which was the last? Many cultures don’t follow the Western convention of given name followed by family name.
