Posts tagged "Gain Confidence"
July 21, 2020
As the pandemic grinds on, whether to wear a mask in public or in shared spaces continues to be a question for some people — but is it a question of etiquette?
Here in my native Canada, where sound policy has helped us avoid the skyrocketing cases we see in other locations, mask wearing still isn’t as accepted as it is in other countries. Yet the evidence is there: Wearing a mask can protect you and the people around you from needless suffering.
Etiquette doesn’t exist just to make the person practicing it look sophisticated; it’s a system of protocols designed to make other people comfortable. From that point of view, wearing a mask is the right thing to do (never mind the health benefits). With that in mind, let’s look at the etiquette behind mask wearing.
Follow the law
In some places like in the province of Quebec, wearing a mask isn’t a matter of personal choice — it’s the law. If you are in a location where face coverings are still an individual decision, adhere to the guidance from your local health minister or health authority. You may be required to wear a face covering only in places where social distancing isn’t possible, for instance, rather than every time you leave the house.
Respect the rules when you visit businesses
If the business you’re patronizing requires masks, put one on — if you don’t, you may be at risk of being kicked out. Employees often must serve as enforcers of these rules, which is an extra burden during an already stressful time, so please save them the added aggravation of chasing you through the store!
Set your own rules at home
You are the queen or king of your castle and can decide whether you’d like visitors to wear a mask. If you do require it, let them know ahead of time so they can prepare. The same rule applies for people who might be entering your home, so note that when you arrange for services like repairs or house cleaning. An option is to have masks available at your home for visitors.
Mind your words and your emotions
I’ve learned that it’s impossible to manage or control others. If you absolutely must talk to someone about mask wearing, first state what you are doing and why. Adopt a curious tone: “I’d like to talk to you about face coverings. I noticed you’re not wearing one. May I ask why?” Realize that you may not get the answer you’re hoping for — during this time of heightened emotions, the response may not exactly be favorable. It’s unfortunate that I must say this, but you should also understand that you could be physically at risk if you broach the subject with a stranger.
Limit Exposure when you can
Of course, mask wearing is just one way to prevent the spread of COVID-19. I don’t go to the grocery store anymore and instead opt for grocery delivery. I also take advantage of online retailers like Amazon to reduce the risk of exposure for myself and others. Better yet check out local suppliers that will deliver to you.
Are you wearing a face covering? How do you broach the subject with guests in your home or with friends and family who don’t like to wear masks? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Personal development, Self Care in challenging times, Uncategorized, Etiquette Edge and tagged hand sanitizers, Gain Confidence, Covid-19, Masks
June 5, 2019
In a world where we are communicating more and more through email, text and social media, the value of physical thank you cards is being lost. Yes, it is amazing how easy it is to stay in touch nowadays – a quick text to see how someone’s day is going– but with something as important as a thank you card, I still believe sending a physical version is far more valuable. The next time your firm receives a big order from an important client, consider sending them a thank you card instead. This is especially true in the USA during National Business Etiquette week 2019.
Physical cards still have a longer shelf life—and greater impact. Because we get so many emails and text messages throughout the day, it’s such a thrill to open our mailbox (our REAL mailbox) and find a physical card inside. After all, you can’t display an email on your desk or hang a text on your bulletin board!
But who has time for that, right? We have the best intentions – we really do want to send out more cards, but time gets away from us and it becomes just one more thing to add to our to-do list. Did you know that people intend to send out an average 70 cards a year for various occasions, but in the end only send out 10 because of the inconvenience? Unless you really plan ahead, when you think about sending out a card, you’re scrambling to find a stamp!
Well, that’s why I am such a huge fan of Send Out Cards. I love them.
Send Out Cards
SendOutCards, founded by CEO Kody Bateman in 2003 – has sent out over 100 million cards since its launch. The online service makes it so easy to send a personalized, printed greeting card to anyone. You choose a custom card, add your own personal photo and message – and then you just click SEND. They take care of all the rest – printing, stuffing, stamping and mailing the physical card for you.
Thoughtful Cards
A colleague of mine once gave me a box of Thoughtful Cards. Similar to a post card, Thoughtful Cards have a wonderful thank you note on one side along with the usual spot for an address and note on the flip side. All I need to do is “pick, personalize, and post”. Their motto is, “Go from gratitude inaction to gratitude in action! It was a lovely gift that I have used several times already.
My personal goal is to send out one card each day. And although I think email thank-yous are convenient and necessary, the arrival of a personal card is far more memorable. If you’re trying to stand out from the crowd, separate yourself from your competitors, sending a physical card will help you do that.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Uncategorized, Business Etiquette, Communication, Etiquette Edge and tagged business, Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products, thank you cards, customer appreciation
April 11, 2018
Women, tell me if you’re familiar with this scenario: You tell a colleague that her work on a presentation was stellar — clear, concise, funny, thoughtful. You walked away with amazing insights and tell her you appreciate her hard work.
And then she brushes it off.
“Oh, it wasn’t that good,” she says.
Or, “I had a lot of help.”
Or maybe even: “I could have done better if I had done more to prepare.”
Sound familiar? You might be cringing right now because you’ve been that woman throwing away a compliment as if it were a hot potato. Can you imagine a man doing such a thing? Why is it that we have such a difficult time just saying, “Thank you! I worked hard.” Or, even better, taking that compliment to heart and really savouring it?
The urge to throw away compliments is real. According to a study by Robert Herbert, a sociolinguist, compliments given from one man to another were accepted 40 percent of the time. Yet women accept only a dismal 22 percent of compliments from other women. (Interestingly, woman accept compliments 68 percent of the time when given by men.)
What makes us throw up our compliment armor? There are several reasons why.
- We don’t want to stand out. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true: Women who stand out from the crowd can be perceived as overly ambitious or social climbers. Rejecting a compliment keeps you on a level playing field.
- We don’t want to seem stuck up. Accepting a compliment can make it seem like you’re acknowledging something good about yourself — and in a woman’s world, even the simple act of saying “thank you” can be perceived as self-aggrandizement.
- We think we’re being tricked. Laura Brannon of Kansas State University says that if we think the complimenter wants something out of us, we’re less likely to believe the compliment.
So what would the world look like if women started accepting more compliments? Personally, I think more women would be empowered in their day-to-day lives and more courageous in business. When someone gives me a compliment, I take it. If you want to take the time to tell me something nice, I want to take the time to enjoy it. And it shows respect to the compliment giver!
Here are my three tips for accepting any compliment:
- Don’t deflect. Accept the compliment. Say thank you. Not “thank you, but …” Just “thank you.” There’s no need to deflect well-earned praise.
- Don’t insult yourself. Not only does insulting yourself lower your self-esteem, it puts the complimenter in the uncomfortable situation of not only offering you a compliment but also acting as your psychotherapist. Take your praise!
- Avoid a compliment battle. There’s no need to one-up your compliment with another compliment. Not only can the situation turn awkward fast, but you don’t want your compliment to come across as insincere. Save your compliments for when you can be thoughtful and authentic.
What are you going to do the next time someone gives you a compliment? Tell me in the comments below! If you’d like tips on how to give praise, check out this blog post on how to craft the perfect compliment.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Uncategorized, Communication, Etiquette Edge and tagged etiquette tips, grace, appreciation, gratitude, manners, thank you, good manners, compliments, Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products
May 11, 2017
Presenting before a group is a golden opportunity to make your voice and your opinions heard, to change minds and hearts, and to woo people to your business.
So why is it that we women are so prone to sabotaging these valuable moments?
I’ve watched thousands of speakers and have presented innumerable times myself, and over the years I’ve noticed a pattern: Women are prone to several habits and tics that undermine their message.
I’m not saying that men don’t make similar mistakes — they do — but let’s face facts. Woman make less money on the dollar. We face the tug-of-war between home and the office in a different way than men do. We risk being called too shrill, too bossy, too opinionated.
Combine that with the following speaking faux pas and you risk undermining your own hard work. You can gain the upper hand, though, with a bit of practice. Here are the most common mistakes we women make — and how to fix them.
No point of view. Women are wonderful at one-on-one discussions and small groups because we’re naturals at collaborating and building consensus. Unfortunately, that also means that many women avoid the stage. We have fewer female speaking role models that we can emulate, and we can tend toward general sharing of information rather than specific viewpoints. A presentation without a point of view can come off as a lecture, or the presenter can appear wishy-washy. The fix: Create and cultivate your own unique perspective. Think about TED Talks: They’re informative, yet they always have a point of view that makes you think. By drilling down, reflecting and asking good questions about your information you can develop an opinion that stands out.
Pacing the stage. This is a bad habit that’s common among both men and women presenting on small to medium stages. Pacing the stage makes you seem unsure and it also robs your audience of a steady viewing point. Think about what audiences have become accustomed to: Broadcasters stay in one spot. At large events, you don’t see speakers dashing all over the stage — it would be magnified on the Jumbotron! Of course, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move during your presentation. But pacing doesn’t indicate confidence or wisdom; it telegraphs nervousness to the crowd. The fix: Try the Fripp method of stage movement: move when you want to demonstrate action such as walking or running, when you demonstrate the passing of time, and when you transition from point to point. Remember that your goal is to connect with your message and to connect with your audience. Before speaking, release nervous energy with jumping jacks and move on to deep, diaphragmatic breathing to center yourself and clear your mind. You can even hold your hand over your heart to remind you of how you want to present yourself to your audience: With a passion that clearly comes from within.
High voice and upspeak. Everyone’s voice tends to rise when nervous — it’s human nature — but on the stage it’s a clear sign that you have a bit of stage fright. Upspeak, on the other hand, is when your voice rises at the end of a sentence so that it sounds like a question. Women are more prone to upspeak thanks to our collaborative nature; we want to invite opinions. It’s common for speakers to draw the audience in with rhetorical and literal questions, but those questions need to be planned and deliberate. The fix: Practice modulating your voice. Slow down. Be present. Focus more on connecting with your audience rather than being overwhelmed by the prospect of having one. Remember, all speaking is public speaking and you’ve been speaking to others your entire life.
Too much smiling. Women are taught from an early age to smile, but smiling too much can seem as if you’re insincere. I’ve watched women smile through presentations even when they’re delivering pain points and bad or sad news, which throws the audience off. You want your facial movements to reflect your inner feelings and emotions; otherwise, it’s just a mask! An audience can always sense a speaker’s lack of authenticity. The fix: Practice with your presentation so that you’re not just reading words, you’re delivering a message. You would be thrown off if a person told you about a death in the family while smiling; the same rules apply to your presentation. Both you and your audience will have a better time if you take the journey together. A word of caution: If you’re still acutely grieving over a loss or difficult event you’re not yet ready to share what you’ve learned from the platform.
Clothing that doesn’t match the occasion. There’s a time and place for your favorite short skirt or deep-V shirt, but it’s not on a stage or in a boardroom where it can detract from your credibility. The fix: Stick to skirts or dresses that are knee-length or just above the knee and avoid cleavage.
The wrong set of heels. As with short skirts and low-cut tops, there’s a place for those sky-high stilettos. (Hint: It’s not at work or on the stage.) Keep in mind, too, that certain high heels — no matter the heel size — can make a distracting clack-clack-clack as you walk across a stage. The fix: Stash the stilettos and test your heels on a hard surface before making your presentation. If they make noise when you walk, ditch them in favor of a less noisy pair. If the problem persists, buy some felt-bottomed ballroom dance shoes. This will allow your words to be heard rather than your heels.
Clothing patterns. Men, in their suits and ties, normally have an advantage here: We haven’t seen too many heavily patterned clothes for men since the 1970s. We women, on the other hand, have a wide variety of styles and patterns to choose from when dressing. Unfortunately, too-busy patterns can put the focus on our clothes rather than on what we’re saying. The fix: Reserve patterns for off-work hours and stick to solids.
Imploding body language. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy has a term for women who cross their legs, pull their shoulders in, or cross their arms: “imploding.” All three of these body stances make you physically smaller, which is the opposite of what you want when you’re before an audience. To connect, you must be open. For your message to land, you need to deliver it confidently. Creating the smallest version of yourself doesn’t indicate confidence, it indicates defensiveness. The fix: Stand with your shoulders back and your spine straight. If you’re sitting, keep your legs together and uncrossed or crossed at the ankle.
Using eyeglasses as props. Eyeglasses are essential for so many of us, but they belong in one place during presentations: Balanced on the bridge of your nose. If your glasses slide down your nose and you peer over them, it gives the actual effect of looking down your nose at someone. Not the best if you’re trying to create a real connection. Another faux pas is removing the glasses and then holding them while speaking. Drama teachers will tell you that props are powerful because they command attention. Do you want to command attention to your reading glasses? The fix: Adjust your glasses immediately if they slide down your nose. At the next opportunity, have them adjusted at an eyeglass store. If you need to remove your glasses during a presentation, make sure you have a place to stash them out of sight.
Preening. This is another unconscious action that’s particular to women: We touch our faces and push around our hair while speaking, which is just as distracting as using eyeglasses as props. The fix: If necessary, pull your hair back so you’re not tempted to touch it. Ask your hairstylist to teach you two or three stage-ready styles that you can easily create yourself. Touching your face can be a difficult habit to break, but I’ve found great success by remembering that touching your face can spread germs and make myself more vulnerable to illnesses like the flu.
With a little preparation, practice, and awareness, you can dial back distractions and turn your next speaking engagement into a chance to make a difference for your audience.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Communication, A Page of Insight and tagged Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products
September 14, 2016
You’re ready to take on the corporate world. Your work clothes are impeccable, your resume is polished to a perfect sheen and you’ve got the references, skills, and ambition to back it all up. That’s everything, right? Wrong.
When you’re prepping for a job search or promotion, don’t forget to clean up your social media accounts. Social media a pivotal tool for resourcing and building brand awareness — both for professionals and businesses — and it’s becoming a more prevalent screening tool for human resources departments.
According to themuse.com, a corporate job board and job seeker advisory, three out of four hiring managers check candidates’ social media profiles — even when they aren’t linked. But wait; it gets worse. One in three employers rejected candidates because of something on their social media profiles. That means there’s a good chance those photos of the wild weekend you had a few months ago could cost you a job, promotion or even your career.
It’s not just irresponsible content that can get you fired. Recruiters and HR departments alike can be turned off by anything, from the mildest profanities to politically divisive posts, provocative pictures, illegal drugs or alcohol, discriminatory remarks, poor communication skills and openly badmouthing previous employers.
In the digital age, even when you’re not working, you’re working. It’s vital to present a consistent, professional personal brand across all platforms. For more tips on how to execute your social media presence impeccably, visit our blog at www.archive.margaretpage.com/social-media-fiascos-avoid-scandal.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Uncategorized and tagged photo etiquette, first impressions, Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products, social media for employees
March 17, 2014
There are some women who are insulted if they are referred to as a lady – especially in a business setting. An example being: “I’d like to introduce to you, Jane Smith, the lady I worked with on the XYZ project.”
Isn’t it ironic that if we use the term “gentleman” in that same sentence, it doesn’t feel like a slight? “I’d like to introduce you to John Smith, the gentleman I worked with on the XYZ project.”
So, why are some women so turned off by the word “lady”? I wonder if it bothers some women because we are still trying to fit into a man’s world. That no matter how successful we become, we are on guard for the slightest threat that would diminish our credibility.
On the flip side, I found this New York Times article, dated January, 1887, that recalls a story where a gentleman knocked down a cabman because he had addressed his wife as a woman and not a lady. The author goes on to say “None of us would think it derogatory to speak of our wives or mothers as being charming, clever or beautiful women. But none of us, unless speaking in anger or in strong rebuke would address either his mother, his wife, or his sister as woman, and strange to say, this prejudice does not seem to be of modern date.”
That was then. And this is now. Times have definitely changed.
I used to frequent a restaurant in the States and the very friendly waitress always welcomed me with a “Hey Sweetie! What can I get you?” At first I found it odd that she would call me sweetie. After all she didn’t even know me. But eventually I came to see everyone had a smile for her and she loved what she was doing. And if is it one thing that the North American workplace can use is a lot more people enjoying what they are doing.
And what about the word “girls”? I know many women who dislike being called a girl. I get a chuckle out of it now. And the older I get, the more I seem to enjoy in. And why not be okay with that? There are plenty of other “names” that we could be called that are truly demeaning.
I believe that in the end, whether a person calls you “Hon, Sweetie, Doll, Princess, Lady, or Woman, we have to left it go. The person’s intention was not to criticize or demean us. It’s our own rulebook where the Judgement, with a capital “J,” is made. Each of us has a unique basis of interpretation, so that is unavoidable. What’s important is that we try to understand each other, and simply take some things with a grain of salt.
And remember this: if the worst thing that’s happened to you today is that someone violated how you prefer to be addressed you’re having a pretty good day!
From Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliette: “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
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Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged addressing people, lady, woman, Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products
March 3, 2011
Chat rooms are great places to “meet” people from all around the world. But it’s important to remember involvement in virtual communication still requires proper etiquette to ensure a pleasant experience for everyone in the room.
For those of you who are new to chat rooms, I’ve put together these etiquette tips before you enter a chat to ensure you have a flame-free experience!
- Review the “rules of engagement” when you join the community.
- If it’s your first time in the room, try “lurking” for a while to get a feel for how the chat room operates before jumping in.
- When you’re ready to participate, introduce yourself first. Just like you would when meeting people in a “real” setting.
- Avoid using profanity or offensive language. Keep it clean!
- Typing an entry in all caps can be considered rude, and is the equivalent to YELLING. Constant “shouting” will turn off other chatters. Keep the “noise” to a minimum.
- When addressing someone in the chat, use their screen name. Chats move quickly and it can be difficult to catch the conversation if you’re not clear.
- Don’t get too personal. Don’t use your real name or reveal any personal information in a chat room.
- Avoid direct confrontations with abusive users. If a chat host is available, alert them of the abusive chatter, but don’t engage them.
- Don’t do ALL the talking. Respond to questions and comments. Be part of the conversation, but don’t fill the chat board with “all about me” entries! Listening is part of communication.
- Welcome all newcomers that enter the chat room. Remember when you were a “newbie”?
There are so many opportunities for people to connect online. It still amazes me at how easy it is today to connect with someone half a world away!
No matter where you meet people online, following just a few common courtesies will ensure that
the experience is enjoyable for you – and for your new friends!
photo: ChristylnsDesign
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Posted by Margaret in Etiquette Tips and tagged etiquette tips, Chat room, common courtesy, Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products
