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March 5, 2012
Do you wish that you were one of those people who could deliver a clever toast at the drop of a hat? Do you resist the urge to stand and offer a toast because you aren’t sure of the proper etiquette and protocol?
Composing and delivering a toast that is eloquent, poignant, heartfelt or even witty can be a challenge. The ability to deliver a toast is an art. Mastering the ability can turn the simplest occasion into a memorable event.
There are many kinds of toasts but to keep it simple we’re going to focus on the three traditional toasts. They are:
- The welcome toast: Delivered by the host at the beginning of an event.
- The event toast: Delivered by the host or MC acknowledging the guest of honor, event, or occasion. This toast is generally given at dessert of immediately after.
- The thank you toast: Delivered by the guest of honor demonstrating appreciation to the host.
If you want to lift your glass, but are fearful of committing a faux pas, follow these few pointers:
- When giving a toast at a large table, always stand.
- Never tap the side of your glass with a utensil to get attention.
- The host is the one to start the process. If there is a guest of honor, after the host has made the toast about the occasion, the guest of honor may rise and respond with a toast to thank the host.
- Follow the four 4B’s for delivering a successful toast: be prepared, begin, be brief, and be seated.
- Don’t touch your glass while you are being toasted. This is the equivalent of congratulating yourself.
- Do not turn your glass downward if you’re a non-drinker. It is perfectly acceptable to toast with water or any other non-alcoholic beverage.
- And last, but not least: Sip, don’t guzzle.
There are so many occasions where a toast is appropriate and engaging. If you know you’re attending a special occasion, it helps to be prepared. Write down what you intend to say. Keep it short and practice delivering the toast out loud until you feel comfortable and confident giving it.
A well-delivered toast is a gracious gesture that can make a simple moment special.
“No toast except his own should last longer than 60 seconds.”
– Mark Twain
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Posted by Margaret in Dining Etiquette
February 16, 2012
Showing up for a job interview without preparation is like showing up for a final exam without studying!
To provide a positive first impression—and ace your job interview—there are a few things you can do BEFORE the big day.
- Do your research. Find out everything you can about the organization where you’re interviewing. Combine that with the type of position you’re applying for within the company. Don’t be caught off guard if asked: What do you know about our company? (What they really want to know is: Did you prepare for this job interview by doing some research about us?)
- If you plan to bring your portfolio, or any other information, take time to organize it well before you leave the house. You don’t want to appear disorganized by having to flip through documents to find a copy of your resume or examples of your work.
- A day or two before your scheduled interview, scope our your interview location. Determine how long it will take you to get there on the day of your interview. Take into considerations things such as traffic flow for that time of day, construction detours, and anything else that may delay you. Everything you do and say at your interview is being reviewed—and your first test is to see if you show up on time.
- If you carry a puse, make sure it’s well organized. That way if you’re asked for additional information during the interview, you can retrieve it quickly and easily.
- Make sure your clothing is clean and doesn’t need repair (and that it fits properly!). Avoid flashy jewelry. Keep it simple. Many people make the mistake in thinking that no one will notice the small details. People do, especially when it’s their job to assess you to see if you’re a good fit for their company.
Have you interviewed for a job recently? Or are you a hiring manager who has some interview tips to share? We’d love to hear from you! Post in the comments below!
For additional interview etiquette tips, read “Outclass the Competition with Simple Interview Etiquette.“
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged business etiquette tips, job interview
February 15, 2012
Socrates taught us, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Borrowing from his wisdom, I would like to suggest that the unexamined sentence is not worth speaking.
The language we use – both inside our heads and out in the world – is magnificently influential. The power that language has in shaping outcomes really cannot be understated.
Yet because we speak so frequently, we tend to let our mouths fly on autopilot, following well-worn patterns of expression. Given the influential power of language, it would be wise to slow down and ask ourselves: “Where do these verbal habits lead us?”
The mind is always listening to us talk, and it takes our words as instructions to build on. Star Wars Jedi Master Yoda spoke to us all when he said, “Do or do not; there is no try.” When we say “I’ll try,” it leads us into the effort-rich experience of trying. Yet when we say, “I will do it,” the mind follows an entirely different pathway – the path to making it happen.
Even a casual comment can generate a feeling, and that feeling grows into an attitude. A dear friend taught me this, in a very humbling moment. We had been talking one night about her enduring troubles in conceiving a child. This was a cherished dream, one she had attempted for so long, and we talked for nearly an hour about her heartache. Glancing at the clock, I realized my daughter was waiting for me to pick her up at school. “Janet,” I said, “I’m so sorry to end our call, but I have to go get Corinne.”
After a moment of silence, she said to me pointedly, “You mean, you GET to go get your daughter.”
(GULP.)
She was absolutely right. Parenting is a marvelous privilege… one that my friend yearned for deeply and might never know. Yet there I was, speaking on autopilot, casually implying that my parenting responsibilities were an inconvenient burden. This moment was a turning point for me, one that inspired a deep commitment to communicate as consciously as possible – to truly embrace the influential power of language.
In the years the followed, I delved into the teachings of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), examining the influence of language on our thoughts and behaviors, from the biological level all the way up through relationships and achievement. It was a path of study that forever changed the way I speak, think, and see the world.
Accentuate the Positive
One of the most valuable insights I gained from NLP was that language directs our focus. Ultimately, our words create the blueprint of our lives. Many people are relatively blind to this cause-and-effect relationship between the comments we utter and the results that follow – and sometimes we sabotage ourselves in the process.
For example, when we want a certain result, we often speak about what we don’t want (“Don’t forget the umbrella!”). The more we talk about what we don’t want, the more we think about what we don’t want – and the more energy we direct into what we don’t want.
It’s far more productive to reframe our words around what we DO want. “Remember the umbrella” has much more influence to create the desired result.
Here’s another common form of verbal sabotage: but. When you use this word to join two thoughts, “but” completely negates the first thought. If you’ve ever heard, “You did a great job, but…” you know what I mean. A simple shift to the word “and” can make all the difference. “You did a great job, and this one extra step would help us even more.”
When we learn to be precise and elegant in our language and communication, we increase our influence – both internally and externally. In the words of Theresa Bradley-Banta, “Elegance is a seduction. It is a grace of style. Of being in a way that attracts rather than repels.”
Empowering language strengthens our mindset, actions and relationships, all of which help us create what we want. In other words, it’s the horse that leads the cart.
This is why positive people have an easier time moving through life. Their language patterns support a positive mindset, which focuses attention on the desired results – unlike negative people, who seem to get lost in a swirling pool of fear and pessimism, and make little progress. Negative people simply have less energy left over to create, connect and move ahead.
This is why it is SO important to speak from a positive orientation. Staying focused in the right direction is a shortcut to feeling better, achieving more, and building stronger relationships.
Here are 10 common examples of disempowering language, paired with simple ways to adjust the language and redirect your energy.
| DISEMPOWERING Language |
EMPOWERING Language |
| “I don’t want to mess up!” |
“I’m going to succeed.” |
| “I have to brush my teeth.” |
“I’m going to brush my teeth.” |
| “I should do my work.” |
“I will do my work now.” |
| “I can’t afford to do that.” |
“I aspire to do that.” |
| “I hope to go someday.” |
“I intend to go next year.” |
| “Maybe tomorrow.” |
“Today.” |
| “This is a problem.” |
“This is an opportunity.” |
| “I am going to lose weight.” (We like to find the things we lose!) |
“I love to exercise.” or “I eat small portions of lean, nutritious foods.” |
| “I wish I did that.” |
“I will do that next time.” |
| “Thank you for the compliment, but…” |
“Thank you for the compliment, and…” |
Questions to Consider:
1. From this list of examples, which bolded phrases are you most likely to say? Select three.
2. Take a moment to review a recent experience when you spoke a disempowering comment. Explore the thoughts, feelings, actions and results that followed. Did your comment lift and focus you, or leave you feeling defeated and unable?
3. Are you willing to experiment with the power of positive communication? If yes, I applaud you! And I encourage you to share your experiences with me. (I almost said I hope you will share your experience… but I caught myself! Encouraging is much more empowered than hoping. )
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
February 10, 2012
With mobile technology today, it’s easy to scan an email, click “reply,” and send off a quick response without giving much thought to what you’ve written. And that can be dangerous.
When it comes to business communication—regardless of the mode of delivery—professionalism and courtesy should always be the first rule of thumb.
Here are some ways you can perfect your email etiquette to ensure you’re sending the “right” message:
Be clear in the subject line. The subject line should be a summary of the email message. Be clear and concise in the description. If you are emailing the same recipient on multiple topics, separate the emails by topic so the recipient can easily follow the trail of responses back and forth.
Keep the message brief and to the point. Your message should be brief and to the point, but not so slight that the message is lost. If the email includes several “back-and-forth” communications, delete irrelevant text so that no one has to scroll through a lengthy email to get the message. Keep only what is relevant to the conversation.
Avoid shortcuts and emoticons (use real words). As texting is becoming a popular way to communicate, you might find yourself tempted to use shortcuts in your email. Don’t do it! “The proposal looks ‘Gr8’” is not an acceptable response in business. And smiley faces might be nice to include in your personal email, but it makes your business communication look less than professional. If you wouldn’t use it in a written letter, don’t use it in a business email. J
Refrain from one-line responses. Not every email needs a response. Sending an email with a “Thanks!” or “Okay,” is unnecessary. If you don’t anticipate a response, you can also put “No Response Necessary” in the subject line of your email.
Don’t yell! Most people know this, but as a refresher: DON’T USE ALL CAPITAL LETTERS OR OVERSIZED FONTS (greater than 12 pts) in your business emails. The recipient will feel as though they are being yelled at.
Don’t Reply to All unless necessary. Be certain that “reply all” is appropriate. Does everyone on the original thread need to see the response? Our inboxes are already overflowing with email—think twice before sending a reply to everyone.
Follow the rules. As with any written communication for business, use grammar and punctuation in a normal manner.
Breathe and proofread. Have you ever received an email that just made you angry? And in the heat of the moment, you sent off a quick (and-maybe-not-so-nice) reply, without really thinking? When you receive an email that “sounds” confrontational, breathe and think carefully before you fire off a reply. When you’re finished crafting your response, proofread it one last time to be sure you are responding in a professional manner. The danger with email communications is that we can’t hear tone—and oftentimes, communications are misconstrued. Don’t assume. You know what happens then…
Respond promptly
Even if you cannot yet provide an answer, replying to someone’s e-mail within 24 hours lets the sender know that you received it. Sending immediate responses also keeps you organized and up to date on your e- mail correspondence.
Close with courtesy. Think letterhead here. Your signature should include your name and contact information—but should always close with courtesy. Something to the effect of “Sincerely,” or “All the best,” or “Thank you” works!
Even with the evolution of digital communication (and maybe even because of it), I still believe that the way we communicate with people sends a clear message.
What do you think?
“There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it.” Dale Carnegie
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette
February 9, 2012
I’m sure you’ve had this happen to you: You’re with friends, enjoying an evening together, and the next morning you log onto Facebook and there you are. And it’s not that you mind having your photo taken, but you weren’t prepared. The lighting was too dim. You weren’t smiling. And the angle the photo was taken at gives you an odd distorted look or makes you look 10 pounds heavier than you are…(yes, we’ve all had those photos taken).
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Posted by Margaret Page in Newsletters
February 3, 2012
There are few situations that will make people squirm more than running into someone they know, and have met several times, and drawing a blank on their name.
If this has happened to you, rest assured, you’re not alone. Remembering names is something many people struggle with—and yet it’s one of the most important things you can do to connect with others. Being able to use someone’s name (and pronounce it correctly) can set you apart and show you are interested in them.
So how do you remember names when you’re introduced to dozens of people at a function or business meeting?
Start with these five tips to remembering names and you will be in great shape!
- Pay attention. First and foremost, pay attention when you meet someone. Really listen to their name and how it is pronounced. Often, when we meet someone, there is a lack of focus on what is important—such as the person’s name. We can be so busy thinking of what they are going to say AFTER the greeting, we totally miss the important details.
- Repeat the person’s name. When introduced, repeat the person’s name out loud. For example, “It’s wonderful to meet you, Tzaddi.” Use the person’s name during conversation. This will reinforce your memory, as well as make that person feel important.
- Remember a unique detail about the person. Many of us are visual learners, so associating something physical with a person will help us remember. Laura has brilliant green eyes, the greenest you’ve ever seen. Tuck that detail away, associated with her name. The next time you see Laura, you’ll notice her green eyes and it will help you recall her name.
- Repeat the name to yourself. If you’ve just met a group of people, and now you’ve stepped away, look toward the group and quietly repeat their names to yourself.
- Write the name down as soon as you can. If you are not presented with a business card, write the name down as soon as you can in a notebook or journal. This will provide a good reminder for future meetings.
You can master the name game! Once you make this a priority, it will become a habit that will put you miles ahead of the competition.
“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” ~ Dale Carnegie.
Don’t miss next week’s blog post. We’re talking about business email etiquette. Subscribe to the blog to get the latest etiquette tips delivered to your mailbox!
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged how to remember names, networking etiquette
January 21, 2012
Looking for ways to enrich your referral strategy this year? Here are seven action points to help you develop valuable relationships and cultivate a network of endless referrals.
Secret #1. Know the Industry Norm for Referring
Follow the industry’s guidelines when making referrals. For example, in some industries, a formal referral letter is standard; in others, a phone call will suffice.
Secret #2. Disclose a Finders Fee Up Front
When it comes to commissions, make sure everyone is in the information loop. By communicating the arrangement upfront, you’re less likely to cause misunderstandings or fall-outs after the fact.
Secret #3. Find Opportunities to Reciprocate Referrals
Referral reciprocity helps build lasting, trusting relationships, shows appreciation, and strengthens business bonds. This reciprocity feeds on thoughtfulness. Continued business success results.
Secret #4. Always Speak with Respect
Be professional and positive at all times. Know that you put the referring agent in a good light if the match is successful. Also, if you speak ill of others, it could get back to them just as fast as they can flip their Rolodex to a new business contact. Capital “R” referral etiquette means showing respect for everyone involved: both those who connect the parties and those who have something to give.
Secret #5. Keep Track of Where a Referral Came From
If you were referred to for your specialty, stick to what you specialize in. Send your referral back to the referring agent if additional work needs to be done. This builds trust and sets the stage for future referrals. Keep track of who referred you so you can officially thank them.
Secret #6. Send “Thank You” Notes to All Referral Sources
Say “thank you” to all referring agents, whether you take on the work or not. If you do the work, show your gratitude by sending each of them a formal “thank you” note when you complete it.
Secret #7. After the Connection, Follow Up
Follow up via phone or email to your referring sources. This will strengthen your relationship, improve how you do business together, and keep your name “top of mind” when the next opportunity comes along.
Follow this basic format for all your referrals and feel confident that your referral etiquette is on track for business success.
For more business etiquette tips and advice, download “The Power of Polite: A Guide to Etiquette in Business” today (and get one step ahead of your competition!)
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged business referral tips, referral etiquette
January 15, 2012
A number of years ago, I traveled to China with a Feng Shui master and 22 of his students. Before we arrived, we were given a dossier on how to prepare for the trip and what to expect while traveling in China. The material indicated that negotiating on purchase prices was customary. Personally, I thought it was an uncivilized way to do business; but after a couple of days in China, I softened to the custom….
Each day that we traveled, we encountered many vendors who engaged us in negotiation and I began to see it as a way to interact with the locals; it was a dance of communication, with each party playing their part.
I would motion to inquire about the price and the Chinese vendor would key a number into a calculator, holding it up for me to see. I soon learned that one’s facial expressions are absolutely critical at this moment. A look of shock or dismay would inevitably lead to a lower offer; a look of satisfaction left me little room to bargain.
By the fifth day, I was really enjoying this game – and I was getting quite good at it. Others in my travel group noticed this and started asking me to negotiate their purchases for them. I was happy to do so, and to be honest, I was rather pleased that I had picked up this skill so quickly, despite my initial reservations.
The day before we were due to leave China, we stopped at a huge pearl factory. Hundreds of showcases filled multiple rooms, each displaying trays and trays of pearls. It was an incredible sight to see! Each room housed a different type of jewelry: necklaces in one room, earrings in the next, bracelets and brooches in yet another.
As I browsed through the merchandise, my eyes fell on a gorgeous strand of black pearls, elegantly displayed on a mannequin in the middle of the room. Carefully guarding my facial expressions, I initiated a “dance” with a young Chinese clerk, confident that I could secure this extraordinary necklace for a very reasonable price.
In the midst of our negotiations, a member of the group called on me to negotiate a pair of earrings for her. I hurried over, eager to demonstrate my great buying ability. As expected, I was successful in securing a good price for the earrings. Feeling quite self-assured, I returned to the necklace counter and resumed my own negotiations.
Suddenly, the driver of our tour bus shouted; we had two minutes to finish shopping! Quickly I made one last offer, signaling this was my best offer.
The young lady conferred with an elderly man who must have been her boss. He attempted to negotiate further, but I signaled no; this was my final offer. Reluctantly he nodded his head. The young lady smiled, opened up the showcase, and selected a strand from the dozens on the tray.
Thinking they were trying to sell me an inferior set of pearls, I balked. No, I indicated, I wanted to purchase the one on the mannequin. She looked startled and shook her head. But I firmly held my ground – the strand on the mannequin was the one I wanted to purchase.
Noticing the commotion, the boss returned to see what the problem was. After several heated exchanges, the young sales clerk reluctantly removed the necklace from the mannequin and packaged it up for me to take.
With a sigh of relief, I raced down the stairs and jumped on the bus, just as the driver was pulling away. Mission accomplished! And just in time.
As I strolled down the aisle to my seat near the back, I proudly showed off my purchase. Sinking into my seat, I smiled at the great buy I had just made. I really was good at this!
Suddenly, my smile faded as a feeling of horror came over me.
I took out the strand and examined it closer. The pearls were fake! In a flash I realized that the display strand was there to denote the size of the pearls in that particular showcase. The young clerk had been trying so hard to give me a strand of real pearls, but I had insisted on taking the imitation pearls!
That day, I learned a difficult lesson: New-found confidence can create a false sense of certainty… and there is a very thin line between overconfidence and complete incompetence.
Thoughts to Consider:
Everyone has experienced moments when we trip over the line between confidence and incompetence. These experiences can be quite humbling, or deeply humiliating. Humility reflects learning; humiliation reflects shame. When life smacks you upside the head, be sure to search for the underlying lesson. It’s the only way to turn an embarrassing experience into lifelong wisdom.
Don’t forget… I’m on Facebook too! Have we connected yet? If not, please reach out and “friend” me! If you prefer Twitter, I’m there too. Let’s link up!
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
January 12, 2012
Make no mistake, etiquette is as important in business as it is in everyday life. Knowing how to present yourself with a positive professional image will give you the ability to set yourself apart from your peers, and excel in business.
Sometimes it can be the little things that you do—or don’t do—that can make or break your career.
Here are my picks for the top five business etiquette faux pas (and how you can avoid them):
- Taking calls or texting while in conversation with others. When engaged in a conversation, turn your cell phone off—or put it on vibrate. If you must take a call, excuse yourself and find a quiet place to talk, away from everyone.
- Not being fully present to conversations. Stay engaged when talking with someone. In person, always use direct eye contact when speaking with people. When on a call, avoid the temptation to check email!
- Bad mouthing others. This should really go without saying, but unfortunately we know it happens all the time. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
- Arriving late for a meeting. Punctuality is a must! Being tardy tells others that you don’t value their time, and that other things are more important to you than they are. Make a conscious decision to stay on schedule. Set a reminder on your calendar, or your smartphone, to alert you in plenty of time to arrive at the meeting on schedule.
- Making excuses for not living up to your commitments. Honor your commitments. When people know you will do what you say, when you say it, you will gain trust—and be successful. Avoid the stress, and embarrassment of failing to keep your commitments by assessing your ability to complete a task BEFORE you take it on.
What’s the biggest etiquette faux pas you’ve encountered? Share in the comments below!
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged business etiquette, business etiquette tips
January 9, 2012
With Valentines Day right around the corner, I thought this would be a good time to send out some Valentines Day etiquette tips that will ensure a romantic evening (and keep everyone out of the dog house!)
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Posted by Margaret Page in Newsletters
Do you wish that you were one of those people who could deliver a clever toast at the drop of a hat? Do you resist the urge to stand and offer a toast because you aren’t sure of the proper etiquette and protocol?
