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April 21, 2016
I’m not sure that anyone else in the world remembers one of my biggest faux pas, but I do. Luckily, I’ve used the lesson learned from it to counsel many people on how to avoid their own embarrassing situations.
A decade ago, I was helping at a golf tournament hosted by the Premier at the newly opened Bear Mountain Resort in Victoria, British Columbia. I received a T-shirt and a ball cap from an organization I supported to shield me from the sun. Perfect golf attire, right? I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I dressed early in the morning and noticed my roommate giving my denim capris a sideways glance.
“Blue jeans aren’t permitted on the golf course,” she said. “You best put on something else.”
“But I don’t have anything else!” I protested. “Are you sure that’s a rule? Golf is an outdoor sport. Why no denim?”
“Tradition,” she said. “It sets a better standard.”
I panicked. I had packed no other options, and my chances of finding an alternative to denim were pretty slim at 6:30 a.m. I would have gladly paid double and bought something from the resort’s store, but nothing was available.
Instead, I endured an entire day of shaking heads and pointed glances. At least, it felt like I did. I was so embarrassed. Several times a week I drive by a sign on the golf course near my home that declares NO DENIM PERMITTED, and I cringe a little. Even after all these years!
Luckily, you can take away a few lessons from my experience. Here are a few tips to survive — and avoid — a faux pas.
Be prepared. Research your destination — whether it be a new restaurant, club, or even a country — long before you arrive. Check for rules and regulations, and always do your due diligence before you depart. You’ll feel more comfortable if you are prepared and feel like you fit in.
Apologize, but don’t dwell. Groveling will bring further attention to your error. A quick, sincere apology will help minimize the situation.
If you can’t avoid a faux pas, make the best of it. If you’re at your boss’ house and you accidentally spill a glass of expensive Bordeaux on her white carpet, stay calm, don’t fret, and apologize quickly. If you can send over a gift basket the next day with a bottle of wine, stain remover, and a gift certificate to a carpet-cleaning service, so much the better.
How did you survive your worst faux pas? What lessons did you learn? I’d love to hear about your experiences! And if you find you need guidance, don’t hesitate to contact me today.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Etiquette Edge and tagged Golf Etiquette, Faux Pas
March 20, 2016
Think, for a moment, about the last compliment you received: Did it make you feel good? Uplift your day? I’m guessing the answer to both questions is “yes” — and there’s a reason for that. According to Japanese researchers, compliments activate the striatum, a region of the brain that also lights up when we’re given cash. That’s right: A compliment is currency, and just as rewarding!
When you offer a sincere compliment you really are giving a gift. A genuine, thoughtful compliment is a multi-faceted tool. It can be a conversation starter, a relationship builder, a confidence booster, or a way to express goodwill and spread gratitude. You can make someone’s day with a few well-chosen words.
Here’s my formula for crafting the perfect compliment.
Be thoughtful. It’s easy to toss off a compliment about a piece of clothing or jewelry, but a meaningful compliment requires observation. Maybe the person you’d like to compliment recently celebrated a personal milestone or completed a big project. Maybe you’ve noticed his knack for drafting excellent emails or the way she makes everyone feel appreciated during meetings. Expand your awareness and look for attributes that people value and work hard to maintain. A non-cliché compliment, or noticing something that person has never noticed about himself or herself, will set you apart.
Be genuine. Think about a compliment you’ve received that fell flat. When someone offers a run-of-the-mill compliment, or when you know the same tired compliment has been extended to other people, it can feel like an unsophisticated attempt at flattery. Such “compliments” affect the credibility of the person giving the compliment. Ensure your own compliments are genuine by being specific and maintaining eye contact. Your body language will support your sincerity.
Keep it succinct. Compliments are gifts — and like gifts, too many can be overwhelming. Showering compliments can feel insincere, so keep yours to just one or two. Lastly, if at any time you feel compelled to say, “I meant that as a compliment,” then refrain from giving the “compliment” altogether.
Ready to ramp up your complimenting? I challenge you to give three compliments a day. Let me know how it goes! Would you like to learn how you can be more socially savvy in your day-to-day encounters? Contact me today for a coaching session, with my compliments!
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Posted by Margaret Page in Uncategorized
March 13, 2016
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of St. Paddy’s Day? More often than not, it’s the color green. The two are synonymous! To avoid feeling a bit too green, either from over-indulgence in the customary libations or possibly from some other impropriety, here are some tips to keep your manners in check on this fun holiday.
On March 17th, wear some green to the office to show your St. Patrick’s Day support. If you don’t have a green shirt or blouse, try a tasteful accessory, such as a scarf or tie that includes some green. Whatever you wear, make sure it’s in accordance with your work’s dress code policy. Avoid wearing anything that could be considered silly or improper. These include “funny” hats or t-shirts that have inappropriate sayings on them (i.e. “Kiss me, I’m Irish”). Keep in mind that you are at work to conduct business, even on these holidays where a little fun can be sprinkled into the day.
What happens if someone doesn’t wear any green on St. Patrick’s Day? Well, it is a long-standing tradition to give that person a pinch. Even if you’re a stickler for tradition, the office is not the place to carry out this part of St. Paddy’s Day fun. To avoid an uncomfortable and potentially embarrassing situation, simply refrain from pinching anyone at the office and jovially say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Where’s your green?” instead. (Seriously, you wouldn’t pinch your boss if he isn’t decked out in green, would you?)
Speaking of green, you know that favorite cabbage dish of yours that you thought would be fun to bring to work (because it’s… green)? Avoid reheating your leftovers in the office microwave. That distinct smell could be found disagreeable to most everyone it wafts to—making them, understandably… GREEN. 🙂
Perhaps you plan to celebrate the holiday after 5 o’clock by partaking in ‘adult’ beverages. If so, try to keep your consumption at a minimum. St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Tuesday this year. Remember that you’ll need to wake up for work bright and early on Wednesday morning. Do yourself a favor and skip the hard stuff. Instead, stick to just one beer or glass of wine and remember to eat something. Of course, never drink and drive. The luck of the Irish does nothing to protect you from DUIs or hangovers.
Lastly, avoid approaching a visiting Irish native with a goofy, “Top o’the mornin’ to ya!” While it’s a nice way of saying “Best of the morning to you!” this phrase is very rarely used in Ireland. However, if you are on the receiving end of this “customary” greeting, the proper way to return it is to say, “And the rest of the day to yourself.”
Even if you aren’t Irish, celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Besides, all that green reminds us that spring is only a few short days away! So let loose a little, but play it safe and enjoy.
I’ll leave you with these Irish toasts for St. Patrick’s Day:
“May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light, may good luck pursue you each morning and night.”
“May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.”
“May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrocks. May your heart be as light as a song. May each day bring you bright, happy hours. That stay with you all the year long.”
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Posted by Margaret Page in Uncategorized
March 13, 2016
Innovation has been an amazing thing, hasn’t it? In our desire for everything to be bigger… better… faster… technology has answered the call. However, one of these digital enhancements has actually inflated, and confused, how much we give as gratuities. Here’s how:
You may have seen the new, tablet-based point-of-sale (POS) systems that are replacing cash registers in coffee shops, salons, delis and even dry cleaners. If you’ve been presented with an iPad to sign-off on a credit card transaction, then you’ve used one. Many of these digital POS systems have a section where you can add a tip. Seems harmless enough, and maybe even efficient, and here lies the problem:
Lets say you go to your favorite coffee shop and get in line to purchase a $4 coffee. You order your double latte, hand the clerk your credit card and he or she turns the iPad toward you to complete the transaction. You stood in line to order a coffee –and will have to wait in another line to pick up your coffee — and now suddenly you’re presented with tip options? The server is staring at you, awaiting your next move and there is a line of impatient people waiting behind you. What do you do?
Welcome to the world of “tip creep.” Tip creep is the expectation of an exorbitant tip where none was demanded or even expected before (like at a dry cleaner). It’s fueled not only by POS’s tip suggestion, as well as the pressure to tip the counterperson who is waiting for you complete your purchase (as is everyone in line behind you.)
Most people avoid the “No Tip” button as they don’t want to be seen as “that guy.” The preset default tip amounts then tap into the power of suggestion and quick convenience. With those, gratuities can be inflated to 50 percent or higher. (Which, by the way, is what you would have paid if you opted for a $2 gratuity on the $4 cup of coffee!)
In short: You’re thrown into an uncomfortable position, and all you wanted was to get your early morning caffeine fix!
Here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to gratuities on point of sale technology.
When at casual, order-at-the-counter establishments:
- Pay with cash. These types of purchases are often under $10 anyway. Plus, you’ll save yourself additional fees if your bank charges you for debit transactions.
- Tipping is at your discretion. If you feel that you’ve had exceptional service, leave a tip that you feel comfortable with.
- Avoid giving in to pressure from those behind the counter or in line behind you.
When at a full-service, sit-down restaurant:
- Tip your waitperson at least 15 percent for good service and 20 percent for great service. If the kitchen made a mistake on your order, avoid punishing the server with little or no tip. Tip as you would normally, and tactfully talk to the waiter and/or management about the problem that occurred so that it can be rectified.
- Refrain from writing things such as “Better luck next time” or “Find sour cream” on the tip line. Passive-aggressive notes such as these are in very poor taste and can actually work against you (especially for the “Find sour cream” guy).
Would you like some more tips on tipping etiquette? Check out my Guide to Tipping Etiquette or download my handy, one-page Tipping Etiquette Cheat Sheet.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Uncategorized and tagged tipping etiquette
March 8, 2016
Hashtags. They’re everywhere! Their popularity began with Twitter and then rapidly expanded to almost all other social media networks. In fact, they are now being referenced in television commercials, like this one for Toyota Corolla. If you’re not familiar with hashtags, a hashtag is a word or phrase that begins with a pound sign (#) and are used to help people find messages with a specific theme or content.
Why bother using hashtags? If you are trying to have more online conversations, or increase exposure to influencers, then using relevant hashtags in your social updates will help you do that. Anyone that searches for or clicks on hashtagged content can see all of the other posts that include that keyword or phrase. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve likely seen my tweets with the #etiquette hashtag, for example.
Unfortunately, hashtags have been increasingly abused, creating a whole new sect of social “netiquette” issues. To get the most out of hashtags, here are a few tips to follow:
- Always spellcheck – Make sure your hashtag is spelled correctly so people can find your content. For example, more people will find my posts if I use #etiquette as opposed to #etiquete as a hashtag.
- All one word – Putting a space between two words in a hashtag phrase will only make the first word searchable rather than the entire phrase. For example, if I post a link to an article on body language, I would use the hashtag #BodyLanguage, as opposed to #Body Language. The latter, in this example, will only get searches from people looking for posts with the word “body” in them.
- Capitalize – Make an effort to capitalize each word in your hashtag phrase. This makes it so much easier to read. In Toastmasters, the widely used hashtag phrase we use #WhereLeadersAreMade, for example, is far easier to read than #whereleadersaremade?
- Double check – Always double check your hashtag to ensure that it can’t be misconstrued. When Margaret Thatcher passed away, people were using the hashtag #NowThatchersDead in their social posts. However, when the capitalization was removed, the #nowthathchersdead phrase was comprehended incorrectly as “Now that Cher’s Dead”!
- Keep it short – #ThisIsAnExampleOfAnUnnecessarilyLongHashtag. You’ve likely seen many “run-on” hashtag phrases being used in a joking manner. However, if you are serious about getting your message noticed, keep it short.
- Cut back – Avoid using too many hashtags in one social post. It’s confusing, makes your post difficult to read and muddies your message. One to two hashtags are ideal for most social networks, with the exception of Instagram, where you can use as many as seven hashtags without raising eyebrows.
- Don’t hijack a hashtag – Refrain using hashtags that have nothing to do with your topic. “Hijacking” popular or trending hashtags that are not relevant to your message is in poor taste and could negatively affect your online personae. Keep it on topic.
- Search it – Are you using a new hashtag for a post? If so, do a search for it to see if it has already been utilized elsewhere. If so and it is not relevant to your message, try to come up with a different word or phrase that makes more sense.
Do you have any hashtag etiquette tips or interesting stories you’d like to share? Tweet your hashtag etiquette to me @EtiquettePage – and be sure to tag it with #HashtagEtiquette. Thanks!
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Posted by Margaret Page in Business Etiquette and tagged social media etiquette, hashtag etiquette
March 1, 2016
Whether it’s concerns for the environment, the price of gas, parking headaches or just plain convenience, more and more people are using public transportation to get from point A to point B. The increase in ridership means that a lot more people are sharing buses, trolleys, subways and boarding areas—making it even more important that we remember to use common courtesy.
Dude Its Rude
In an effort to get riders thinking about their personal travel habits, the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA) recently launched new passenger etiquette ad campaign titled “Dude It’s Rude.” SEPTA says the new campaign intentionally takes an edgy tone, using strong visuals and minimal content to get the message across. They don’t include any branding on the posters so that the riders think more about the message and less about who is delivering it. I think the campaign is brilliant! Some of the “to the point” messages include “DUDE IT’S RUDE…TAKE YOUR TRASH” AND “DUDE ITS RUDE, TONE IT DOWN.”
In fact, the Metropolitan Transportation Authority in New York has taken their own etiquette campaign a step further with ads aimed at the impolite practice of “manspreading”. Have you heard of this before? It is the wide-legged stance that many men assume when they take a seat. Unfortunately, this sitting position on the subway often takes up two or sometimes three seats in the process. And that is just plain rude!
When In Rome … (or In This Case, Singapore)
In Singapore, the public transportation system may have the strictest rules I have ever come across. And if you’re visiting the country, be aware of those rules because the country is known for harsh penalties and you aren’t going to get a “get out of jail free” just because you’re a tourist!
On trains in Singapore, you are not permitted to eat, drink, or even breastfeed. Not even a drop of water is allowed. The reason? According to the country’s transport authority “… it could spill and wet seats, soil other commuters’ belongings or cause them to slip and fall. We want to prevent any accidents and make sure that everyone can enjoy a pleasant ride.”
Etiquette tips for travelers
To ensure that your next ride is pleasant for both you and the people you’re sharing space with, keep these etiquette tips in mind:
- When boarding buses or trains, wait until everyone that wants to exit has disembarked before you get on
- Keep doorways free and clear on trains and buses
- Always offer your seat to pregnant women, the elderly, the disabled, or mothers with young children
- Take up just ONE seat. Remove your backpack or large purse if you are standing and place it between your legs or directly in front of you. Gentlemen – Please avoid the selfish act of “manspreading”.
- On escalators in North America stand to the right to allow people who wish to walk up to go by on the left
- Avoid wearing strong perfumes when using transit
- Don’t use your outside voice inside commuting with friends
- Watch your language (keep it clean, people!)
- Put your phone on vibrate and refrain from making or taking calls using it while on public transportation
- Refrain from eating on the train or bus.
- Sneeze or cough into the inside of your elbow—and away from people if possible
- Turn down the tunes if you’re listening to music with earphones (yes, it’s louder than you think)
- No smoking – this includes at the train station or bus stop
- Never leave your trash on the bus or train
What’s your biggest public transit etiquette pet peeve? Share it with us.
Photo credit: : https://www.flickr.com/photos/cavyi/3789791794/sizes/m/in/photostream/
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Posted by Margaret Page in Everyday Etiquette and tagged public transportation etiquette
February 21, 2016
Texting can be a wonderful and convenient way to communicate, but in business, it poses new questions of etiquette and protocol – the when, what and how to use it wisely.
Keep these simple text etiquette tips in mind to ensure you’ll never annoy others or embarrass yourself.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Business Etiquette and tagged text messaging etiquette, text etiquette
February 1, 2016
The way you conduct yourself through social media is a direct reflection on who you are as a professional. Yes, your reputation is on the line every time you send a tweet or post a photo to your Facebook page. Everything you share online can potentially be captured for the entire world to see!
To easily avoid gaffes and maintain your professional dignity and social grace, follow these 6 “Rs” of social media manners:
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Posted by Margaret Page in Business Etiquette and tagged social media manners
January 5, 2016
Coworking – where professionals share one workplace environment – has become an increasingly popular style of work in recent years. A coworking space is typically in an enhanced “coffee shop” type setting, but with more multi-functional workspaces. Unlike a typical office environment, those who are coworking are not usually employed by the same organization. They are working independently, but in very close quarters. Just as in a traditional office setting, it’s important that members of a coworking space understand the etiquette of working side-by-side.
To get the most success out of your coworking experience, here are seven etiquette tips:
Tip #1: Notice the noise
Does your coworking space carry a loud din of noise? Are most people having normal-toned conversations, meetings or phone calls? Or do you find it to be more library-like, where people speak in whispers or conduct quiet meetings in closed-door conference rooms? Observe and then match your sound level to that of your coworking space.
Tip #2: Be considerate of others
If you are at a shared table, use just one chair and keep your items contained to your space. Also, people are there to work, not to fill you in on the Wi-Fi password. The coworking staff is there to help with items like finding an outlet to charge your computer or fixing problems with the printer or coffee machine; however, know your boundaries. The office manager of the coworking space is not your personal assistant.
Tip #3: Keep headphones handy
Wear headphones to drown out the noise, and to help you concentrate on your tasks. As much as you love your tunes, avoid humming or singing along with the music. When someone is wearing headphones or ear buds, it’s a sign that they do not want to be disturbed.
Tip #4: Clean up after yourself
Did you just take the last cup of coffee? Make a fresh pot! Refrain from leaving dirty dishes in the sink. If you spill something on your desk, take the time to thoroughly clean it up. Eat your lunch in the break room rather than at your desk to prevent crumbs and other sticky residue from getting on work surfaces. At the end of your workday, pack up your things, put trash and recyclables in their respective bins and leave your space as nice as or better than you found it.
Tip #5: Bring your own supplies
If you forgot to bring your own coffee mug, use a disposable cup rather than using someone else’s ceramic mug. Refrain from eating or drinking anything from the fridge, unless you put it there. Just as if you were headed to a traditional office, bring along everything you will need for the day – including snacks!
Tip #6: Build connections
Take advantage of the networking opportunities that coworking offers. Make a point to get to know the others sharing the space. Coworking spaces often host events for members—giving everyone a chance to socialize, get to know their projects, products and ideas. That person sitting next to you might be someone who is looking for your expertise, or who could help you on a project you’re working on.
Also, do your best to get to know the owner of the space. Owners are always interested in learning about the companies and individuals who are utilizing their facility. You’ll likely create some excellent, mutually beneficial professional relationships.
Have you ever worked in a coworking space? If so, I’d love to hear your additional tips!
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Posted by Margaret Page in Business Etiquette and tagged coworking etiquette
May 15, 2015
The Victoria Day and Memorial Day long weekends are almost here! Both holidays offer extended time to enjoy fun, outdoor cookouts with family and friends. Want to make your BBQ a great success?
Here are some tips to ensure that your outdoor grilling is a success:
For Hosts:
- Seating – Ensure that there is enough comfortable seating for everyone attending, indoors and out. Make the seating conducive to conversations amongst your guests.
- Food – Count up your RSVPs to ensure you have enough food and drink for everyone attending. Most people cook hamburgers and hotdogs at cookouts, so be sure to have a vegetarian option for any guests that are not meat-eaters.
- Drink – Provide plenty of water and juice. Alcoholic beverages, especially beer, are popular, so be careful about offering too much. Ensure that any guests that have overindulged have safe rides home.
- Grill – Make sure the grill is clean well before guests arrive. Also make sure you have enough fuel (propane or charcoal) to cook all of the food you plan to barbeque.
- Utensils – Refrain from using any rusty or dirty barbeque utensils. Also, to keep food safe, use two sets of utensils and platters, one for raw and the other for cooked foods. Make sure not to mix them up!
For Guests:
- Timing – Arrive early only if your host is aware and you plan on helping to set up and prep food. Arriving a bit after the scheduled time is perfectly fine. Also, avoid overstaying your welcome late in the evening, unless you plan on helping to clean up.
- What to bring? – Even if host says to bring nothing, bring something. Side dishes are great idea. Be sure to bring enough of your dish to feed everyone. Also, if you bring it, leave it. It’s cumbersome for you and the host to gather up your half-eaten container and half-full bottle of wine at the end of your visit.
- What to wear? – Casual, tasteful outfits are appropriate. If it is a work-related cookout, then go with business casual.
- Grill – Avoid touching or taking over the grill unless the host asks for help.
- Drink – It’s easy to get dehydrated on warm days. Drink plenty of fluids, and be careful with alcoholic beverages. These will dehydrate you further and can be even more potent when you’re sitting in the sun. Avoid embarrassing yourself or your host by overindulging.
- Clean up – Even if your host declines, it’s a customary kindness to offer help in cleaning up here and there throughout your stay.
I wish all of you fun in the sun and an enjoyable holiday weekend. Cheers!
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Posted by Margaret Page in Everyday Etiquette and tagged Victoria Day long weekend, holiday weekend, BBQ etiquette
