Latest "Communication" Posts
December 4, 2017
There’s something uniquely miserable about forgetting someone’s name. Not only can it make you appear thoughtless or inconsiderate, but it can make the mystery person feel small. And this faux pas can be disastrous when you’re trying to make business connections.
You’re more likely to encounter this delicate situation during the busy holiday season. But don’t panic! A few simple strategies can help you save face.
Don’t try to guess. The only thing worse than blanking on a name is using the incorrect name. If you’re not certain, keep your mouth closed! Better not to refer to Janet as Eva.
Follow the clues. See if you can extract information with a few carefully worded questions. For example: “When did we last see each other?” or “It’s so good to see you! How long has it been?” Hopefully, you’ll gather enough nuggets of information to trigger a memory and recall a name.
Ask for help. If you’re in a group setting — at a networking event, for example — discreetly ask a friend or colleague for the person’s name. If you don’t have the opportunity for a private moment, ask the mystery person to introduce himself to your friend: “Please say hello to my colleague Celeste!”
Play the introduction game. At the first opportunity you get, ask the mystery person to introduce herself to someone else you know: “Have you met Jason?” That gives you the opportunity to be courteous while also prompting the mystery person to divulge the information you need.
Fess up. If all else fails, be honest. It’s best to keep it simple by saying, “I’m so sorry. I remember meeting you but I just can’t seem to recall your name. Could you please remind me?” It’s not ideal, but it’s a better option than flailing — or, worse — using the wrong name.
How do you cover your tracks when you can’t remember a name? Or, even better, what do you do to remember names? Tell me in the comments.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Business Etiquette, Communication, Etiquette Tips, Everyday Etiquette and tagged good manners, etiquette tips, handshakes
May 11, 2017
Presenting before a group is a golden opportunity to make your voice and your opinions heard, to change minds and hearts, and to woo people to your business.
So why is it that we women are so prone to sabotaging these valuable moments?
I’ve watched thousands of speakers and have presented innumerable times myself, and over the years I’ve noticed a pattern: Women are prone to several habits and tics that undermine their message.
I’m not saying that men don’t make similar mistakes — they do — but let’s face facts. Woman make less money on the dollar. We face the tug-of-war between home and the office in a different way than men do. We risk being called too shrill, too bossy, too opinionated.
Combine that with the following speaking faux pas and you risk undermining your own hard work. You can gain the upper hand, though, with a bit of practice. Here are the most common mistakes we women make — and how to fix them.
No point of view. Women are wonderful at one-on-one discussions and small groups because we’re naturals at collaborating and building consensus. Unfortunately, that also means that many women avoid the stage. We have fewer female speaking role models that we can emulate, and we can tend toward general sharing of information rather than specific viewpoints. A presentation without a point of view can come off as a lecture, or the presenter can appear wishy-washy. The fix: Create and cultivate your own unique perspective. Think about TED Talks: They’re informative, yet they always have a point of view that makes you think. By drilling down, reflecting and asking good questions about your information you can develop an opinion that stands out.
Pacing the stage. This is a bad habit that’s common among both men and women presenting on small to medium stages. Pacing the stage makes you seem unsure and it also robs your audience of a steady viewing point. Think about what audiences have become accustomed to: Broadcasters stay in one spot. At large events, you don’t see speakers dashing all over the stage — it would be magnified on the Jumbotron! Of course, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move during your presentation. But pacing doesn’t indicate confidence or wisdom; it telegraphs nervousness to the crowd. The fix: Try the Fripp method of stage movement: move when you want to demonstrate action such as walking or running, when you demonstrate the passing of time, and when you transition from point to point. Remember that your goal is to connect with your message and to connect with your audience. Before speaking, release nervous energy with jumping jacks and move on to deep, diaphragmatic breathing to center yourself and clear your mind. You can even hold your hand over your heart to remind you of how you want to present yourself to your audience: With a passion that clearly comes from within.
High voice and upspeak. Everyone’s voice tends to rise when nervous — it’s human nature — but on the stage it’s a clear sign that you have a bit of stage fright. Upspeak, on the other hand, is when your voice rises at the end of a sentence so that it sounds like a question. Women are more prone to upspeak thanks to our collaborative nature; we want to invite opinions. It’s common for speakers to draw the audience in with rhetorical and literal questions, but those questions need to be planned and deliberate. The fix: Practice modulating your voice. Slow down. Be present. Focus more on connecting with your audience rather than being overwhelmed by the prospect of having one. Remember, all speaking is public speaking and you’ve been speaking to others your entire life.
Too much smiling. Women are taught from an early age to smile, but smiling too much can seem as if you’re insincere. I’ve watched women smile through presentations even when they’re delivering pain points and bad or sad news, which throws the audience off. You want your facial movements to reflect your inner feelings and emotions; otherwise, it’s just a mask! An audience can always sense a speaker’s lack of authenticity. The fix: Practice with your presentation so that you’re not just reading words, you’re delivering a message. You would be thrown off if a person told you about a death in the family while smiling; the same rules apply to your presentation. Both you and your audience will have a better time if you take the journey together. A word of caution: If you’re still acutely grieving over a loss or difficult event you’re not yet ready to share what you’ve learned from the platform.
Clothing that doesn’t match the occasion. There’s a time and place for your favorite short skirt or deep-V shirt, but it’s not on a stage or in a boardroom where it can detract from your credibility. The fix: Stick to skirts or dresses that are knee-length or just above the knee and avoid cleavage.
The wrong set of heels. As with short skirts and low-cut tops, there’s a place for those sky-high stilettos. (Hint: It’s not at work or on the stage.) Keep in mind, too, that certain high heels — no matter the heel size — can make a distracting clack-clack-clack as you walk across a stage. The fix: Stash the stilettos and test your heels on a hard surface before making your presentation. If they make noise when you walk, ditch them in favor of a less noisy pair. If the problem persists, buy some felt-bottomed ballroom dance shoes. This will allow your words to be heard rather than your heels.
Clothing patterns. Men, in their suits and ties, normally have an advantage here: We haven’t seen too many heavily patterned clothes for men since the 1970s. We women, on the other hand, have a wide variety of styles and patterns to choose from when dressing. Unfortunately, too-busy patterns can put the focus on our clothes rather than on what we’re saying. The fix: Reserve patterns for off-work hours and stick to solids.
Imploding body language. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy has a term for women who cross their legs, pull their shoulders in, or cross their arms: “imploding.” All three of these body stances make you physically smaller, which is the opposite of what you want when you’re before an audience. To connect, you must be open. For your message to land, you need to deliver it confidently. Creating the smallest version of yourself doesn’t indicate confidence, it indicates defensiveness. The fix: Stand with your shoulders back and your spine straight. If you’re sitting, keep your legs together and uncrossed or crossed at the ankle.
Using eyeglasses as props. Eyeglasses are essential for so many of us, but they belong in one place during presentations: Balanced on the bridge of your nose. If your glasses slide down your nose and you peer over them, it gives the actual effect of looking down your nose at someone. Not the best if you’re trying to create a real connection. Another faux pas is removing the glasses and then holding them while speaking. Drama teachers will tell you that props are powerful because they command attention. Do you want to command attention to your reading glasses? The fix: Adjust your glasses immediately if they slide down your nose. At the next opportunity, have them adjusted at an eyeglass store. If you need to remove your glasses during a presentation, make sure you have a place to stash them out of sight.
Preening. This is another unconscious action that’s particular to women: We touch our faces and push around our hair while speaking, which is just as distracting as using eyeglasses as props. The fix: If necessary, pull your hair back so you’re not tempted to touch it. Ask your hairstylist to teach you two or three stage-ready styles that you can easily create yourself. Touching your face can be a difficult habit to break, but I’ve found great success by remembering that touching your face can spread germs and make myself more vulnerable to illnesses like the flu.
With a little preparation, practice, and awareness, you can dial back distractions and turn your next speaking engagement into a chance to make a difference for your audience.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Communication, A Page of Insight and tagged Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products
November 6, 2014
The deadly shooting that took place in Ottawa has highlighted, once again, the ethical quandaries around the use of social media during a tragedy.
Just as reports from local Canadian news outlets were coming out, the hashtags #OttawaShooting, #StaySafeOttawa and #PrayForOttawa jumped into action–serving as both a spread the news of the tragedy, as well as offer support.
Social media has given us the ability to stay on top of every important, and tragic, event that’s happening in the world, in real time. And that’s amazing! We live in a time where we have the unique ability to spread the news to a worldwide audience with just a click. But with this “power” to share our opinions with the world, we often forget to be sensitive. These are REAL tragedies happening to REAL people, and a little sensitivity to that will go a long way.
Think before you tweet
Sports Illustrated model Chrissy Teigen experienced a barrage of angry tweets in response to this tweet she posted shortly after news of the shooting broke out: “Active shooting in Canada, or as we call it in America, Wednesday”
Teigen’s attempt at a witty comment on gun control issues in the US fell flat. Her followers immediately took to Twitter to berate her for the controversial tweet. And it got out of hand very quickly, with tweets like “Don’t let the door hit you in your undernourished butt on your way out of the United States” and “I hope someone murders someone you love…” |
Really? I can’t believe that so many people chimed in with such hateful responses. Remember the old adage “Two wrongs don’t make it right”? The supermodel posted soon after that she was quitting Twitter after receiving dozens of death threats.
Obviously the tweet Teigen sent out was ill timed and I’m sure she regrets it, but the backlash was incredibly inappropriate. Just because we have the ability to share all of our thoughts in an instant, doesn’t mean we should!
Newsjacking the tragedy
In the aftermath of the Newton tragedy in 2012, a big box store tweeted their condolences using the hashtag #Fab15Toys. While it IS appropriate for businesses to stop and acknowledge the event, share condolences with those affected – using a self-promoting hashtag in the tweet is completely inappropriate and insensitive.
The retailer later apologized for the tweet, explaining that they used the hashtag to garner exposure to the tragic event. Whatever the reason, the use of the hashtag was in poor taste and viewed as such by followers, who chimed in with their distaste.
Bottom line for business owners: Using a tragic event to gain followers and draw attention to your social media is just plain unethical.
Showing consideration (and common sense)
To save you some embarrassment, and help you keep it classy, I’ve put together a few tips on how to manage your social media when a tragedy strikes.
- Acknowledge the tragedy and extend your condolences to those who have been affected. Keep it simple with something like “Our thoughts are with Ottawa today.”
- If you’re using a social media schedule tool, such as Hootsuite, for example, take a quick review of the posts and tweets that are in the queue. Remove those that are promoting your company. Marketing your company during a tragedy will make your company appear at though they lack empathy. I would also recommend rescheduling tweets or Facebook posts that are lighthearted or humorous, especially those scheduled for the day of the tragedy.
- If you’re running paid ads on social media, give some thought to how they would appear in light of the tragedy and if needed, hit the pause on your ad campaign for a few days.
- Let the “real” reporters report on the details of the event, the victims—and anyone else involved. Even though we have streams of content coming in live, as events unfold, we aren’t “there.” Especially for company accounts, make sure your brand is seen an objective third party—your message should only convey support and offer help where you can help.
- Share information on your social networks about how others can help with recovery efforts, if there is something set up (such as funds that might be set up to help those affected by tragedy)
During a time of crisis, such as the one that we experienced in Ottawa, the clock stops for a while. It’s impossible to approach such a day as “business as usual.” Use common sense when sharing content on social media the day of the tragedy, and in the days that follow.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Communication and tagged social media etiquette
August 7, 2014
Often, people avoid introducing themselves or others, because they are uncomfortable doing so and perhaps afraid they might not follow proper protocol. In truth, it’s fairly simple: always state the name of the most honored person first. An example would be, “Melinda Gates, I would like to introduce to you my roommate, Jane Drake.”
Then, add a snippet of information on a common interest to help them connect and begin a conversation. Add information about their career, education, place of origin, hobbies, interests, family or a host of other areas. Here is an example “Jane is in my Spanish class. She’s just returned from a trip to Cancun. Aren’t you planning a trip there this winter?”
When presenting one person to another, look at the most honored person first, then turn to the other person. Remember to distinctly pronounce the names to provide respect for those you are introducing.
If you are in a more formal setting, or when there is an obvious age difference, it’s best to use titles and last names, such as: “Mrs. Jameson, I’d like introduce to you Mr. Robertson.”
When you are introducing yourself to others, always include both your first and last name and say your name slowing so people can catch it. Then add something about yourself to help move the conversation forward. Then, ask for the other person’s name. Repeat the name of that person, such as, “It’s great to meet you, Joan.”
Always maintain eye contact with the person you’re being introduced to. Eye contact demonstrates that you are paying attention and the introduction is important to you.
Email Introductions
When introducing two people through email, here are some tips to follow:
- Like any other email, the subject line should the topic. Something like: “E-Introduction: Jane Smith and Larry Vance,” ensures that both recipients are alerted to the content.
- Most of the time, there is a specific reason for the introduction –Person One (Jane Smith) asked you to provide an introduction to Person Two (Larry Vance), for example. Open the email with something that indicates you’re making an introduction on their behalf. Then, continue with the introduction: “Larry Vance, allow me to introduce Jane Smith. Jane is a freelance designer and I think she could be of great assistance to you on your new web design project.”
- Close the email with a line that takes you out of the conversation. Something like: “I’ll let you two take it from here. All the best, Margaret Page.”
Want to learn how to keep up with etiquette challenges in our modern society? That’s where I come in! Be more confident when making introductions—and maximize your personal impact today! Find out more about business etiquette training.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Communication and tagged introductions etiquette
July 31, 2014
The great thing about where we are with technology today is that there is always something new and exciting just around the corner. Google Hangouts is one of the newest ways to communicate online in group discussions. Developed by search engine giant, Google, Google Hangouts is an instant messaging and video chat platform that launched last year.
With Hangouts you can bring conversations to life through photos, emoji, and group video calls across computers and mobile devices – for free!
As with any new technology, it’s natural to be a little apprehensive (nervous even!) to try it out, and Hangouts is no exceptions. To ensure that you have a pleasant experience—whether as a host or a participant—I’ve put together a few Google Hangout etiquette tips to keep in mind.
Participant Etiquette
- RSVP. Respond with a yes or no when invited to a Hangout. There are only 10 participants allowed on a Hangout at one time.
- Be prepared. If it’s your first or your twenty-first Hangout, log in 10 minutes before the online meeting to make sure you have all the technical requirements set up.
- Invest in a headset. If you’re participating in an audio conference of any kind, use a headset. This is not only important if there are others working near you, but it prevents feedback from your computer.
- Be on time. No matter what kind of meeting you’re attending—virtual or in-person, the “on time” rules apply. You can log into the Hangout and leave the window open while you wait for others to join.
- Speak clearly and wait your turn. You can use the chat feature to post your comments to the group, as well.
- Mute your microphone when you’re not speaking.
- If you aren’t “camera-ready,” you can turn off your camera (top right of screen) and your profile image will show up.
- Save your snacking for after the chat.
- Pay attention to the speaker.
Host Etiquette
- Invite up to 10 people to a Hangout (that’s Google’s limit for calls)
- Send out clear instructions for the Hangout well before the scheduled meeting time. There may be plugins to install or other technical details to follow so that the participant is able to join.
- Test your own equipment setup in advance of the meeting. This includes your microphone and camera! Attendees will want to see you!
- Have an agenda. Establish a timeframe for the Hangout – as well as an agenda. Like any other meeting, it’s easy to get derailed if you don’t have a plan.
- Begin and end on time.
- Ask participants to mute their microphones unless they are contributing to the conversation. This keeps the keyboard clicking distractions to a minimum.
- Share presentations and engage with the group. With online meetings, you can be as interactive as you are during offline gatherings. Share presentations. Ask questions. Poll the group. Have fun with it!
Google Hangouts are proving to be a great new way to communicate and collaborate with people across the globe – in real time. Have you participated or hosted a Hangout? I would love to hear about your experience!
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Posted by Margaret Page in Communication and tagged Google Hangout etiquette
July 8, 2014
In a world where we are communicating more and more through email, text and social media, the value of a physical thank you note is being lost. Yes, it is amazing how easy it is to stay in touch nowadays – a quick text to see how someone’s day is going– but with something as important as a thank you note, I still believe sending a physical card is far more valuable.
After all, you can’t display an email on your desk or hang a text on your bulletin board!
Physical cards still have a longer shelf life—and greater impact. Because we get so many emails and text messages throughout the day, it’s such a thrill to open our mailbox (our REAL mailbox) and find a physical card inside.
But who has time for that, right? We have the best intentions – we really do want to send out more cards, but time gets away from us and it becomes just one more thing to add to our to-do list. Did you know that people intend to send out an average 70 cards a year for various occasions, but in the end only send out 10 because of the inconvenience? Unless you really plan ahead, when you think about sending out a card, you’re scrambling to find a stamp!
Well, that’s why I am such a huge fan of Send Out Cards. I love them.
SendOutCards, founded by CEO Kody Bateman in 2003 – has sent out over 100 million cards since its launch. The online service makes it so easy to send a personalized, printed greeting card to anyone. You choose a custom card, add your own personal photo and message – and then you just click SEND. They take care of all the rest – printing, stuffing, stamping and mailing the physical card for you.
My personal goal is to send out one card each day. And although I think email thank-yous are convenient and necessary, the arrival of a personal card is far more memorable. If you’re trying to stand out from the crowd, separate yourself from your competitors, sending a physical card will help you do that.
If you’re interested in learning more about Send Out cards, send me a note. I’d love to send you a Splash Code that’s worth about 50 free cards!
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Posted by Margaret Page in Communication and tagged gratitude, thank you
June 30, 2014
Did you know that the average person spends nearly 30% of their workweek on email? According to a recent report from McKinsey Global Institute, we’re spending about 13 hours a week writing, reading, sorting, deleting and sending email. That’s a lot of time!
Email messaging now exceeds telephone use as the primary form of business communication. And that’s not surprising. Whether you’re in front of your computer or using a tablet or smartphone, it’s quick and easy to send someone an email. So simple, in fact, that many people forget that by clicking “reply,” and typing up a quick response without giving it a second thought, your message can backfire.
As with any other type of communication, missteps have the potential to sabotage your reputation—especially in the business world. We’ve all heard the horror stories of emails intended for a colleague (with gossip about the boss) showing up in the inbox of the CEO. Side note here: Gossip is a no-no. Especially in business. And especially about the boss. And in writing? Ugh. Bad idea.
To help ensure that you keep your stellar reputation in place – and don’t end up with egg on your face—here are some email etiquette tips to keep in mind.
- Stick to business. As noted above, before sending out an email to a colleague or client, ask yourself if the content is something you’d put on your company’s letterhead or post in the lunchroom for everyone to see.
- One email; one topic. Write the topic of the email in the subject line. One topic. Every email should address one specific topic so that it’s easy for recipients to reference.
- To whom it may concern. Always begin your email with a salutation, just as you would with written communication.
- Introduce yourself. If you’re sending an email to a new business contact, briefly introduce yourself. Don’t assume the recipient will recognize who you are through your email address.
- Use good grammar. Email can be a little less formal, but don’t forget to follow standard writing protocol. Spelling, grammar and punctuation matter anytime you’re drafting a communication.
- Keep it short. Just as your subject line should be clear, your content needs to be succinct. Get to the point. And make sure that the topic fits the subject line.
- Keep it down. Writing in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS makes it appear as though you are shouting. Always use sentence case.
- Watch your tone. Or rather, lack thereof. Where you can pull off being clever or “joking around” when communicating in person, those “jokes” won’t fly in an email. Be direct and clear in your message so that your email is interpreted as you intended.
- No shortcuts. While it’s important to “keep it short,” business emails are not the place to showcase all of the texting shortcuts you’ve learned. Using “Gr8” and “TY” in work emails is unacceptable.
- Watch the “reply all.” Only reply to those who are of continued relevance to the communication.
- Sign your name. Close your email with “Sincerely,” or “Regards” or ‘All the best” – any of these are acceptable. Follow the closing with a signature has your full name and contact information.
- Pick up the phone. If the topic of the email communication goes astray—and questions and confusions are flying back and forth – best to pick up the phone and get back on the same page.
Do you have any email etiquette tips to share?
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Posted by Margaret Page in Communication and tagged email etiquette, business communication
April 22, 2014
Delighted to share a guest blog post today by Luvania Pathmanathan.
What does being a “leader” truly mean? While everyone has a different connotation of what a leader means, I have noticed that it narrows down to a few key factors – encouragement, influence, and most importantly, trust. How are these soft skills built? Having just completed an undergraduate degree, I have instantly realized that these are not taught within the four walls of a classroom. Associating myself with individuals I consider my mentors, whom embody these skills, I recognized that they commonly associate themselves with attending impactful events, such as conferences. Most recently, being involved with Leadercast Vancouver, I have identified the value of partnering oneself with like-minded individuals, as it allows one to grow both professionally and personally.
Leadercast’s 2014 theme, Beyond You, highlights honing our leadership skills that stem beyond our routinized daily tasks. It asks, “what can we do to make a stronger impact for those around us, such as our colleagues and neighbours and also with the larger community?” This avenue of leadership has to originate from a genuine place – that place being you. Conferences motivate and inspire you to build your personal leadership skills, therefore allowing you to successfully enhance yourself as a leader in positions and skills that are beyond you.
Life often presents us with opportunities to be in leadership positions. Sometimes they fall in naturally and sometimes we need to recognize to take that extra step. Attending Leadercast Vancouver is that leap to take the extra step. We realize that it may involve stepping out of comfort zones, which is why we’ve outlined our Top 5 tips and etiquette protocols:
- Dress appropriately. This ties in with taking the time to read about the organization hosting the conference, the conference itself, speakers, etc. Once you know the nature of the conference, it will allow you to gauge your attire accordingly. As your choice of dress will be the first to be noticed, it is especially important to spend time orientating yourself with the details of the conference. A general rule of thumb is to always ‘dress up’ rather than ‘dress down.’
- Electronic era. Despite how aware the conference MC will make note of it, do double and triple check that the volume on all your mobile and electronic devices are turned to silent. No one likes to be that person whose alarm goes off in the middle of a keynote speaker’s presentation. In a similar fashion, as WiFi at conferences is known to be slow due to the volume of attendees, be courteous by holding off on downloading large files such as videos. Also, if you are sitting next to a wall, try to avoid using the power outlets to charge your devices as someone could easily trip over them. Instead, opt to bring a (fully-charged) battery pack.
- Ask questions. While asking questions after a speaker’s presentation is encouraged, it is courteous to limit yourself to the number and length of questions you ask. There are likely other attendees eager to ask questions. We need to respect the speaker’s time and conference schedule, especially if the question you pose may not be answerable in a short amount of time. If possible, this is a great opportunity to meet the speaker in-person after the session and perhaps even carry the conversation outside of the conference agenda.
- Be network ready. Remember (and practice) your 30-second elevator pitch, as it may be the only opportunity you have to present yourself to a particular individual. A great way to maximize your seconds is by presenting the benefits you provide, as opposed to a ‘sales pitch.’ For elevator pitch masters, attempt to put a personal spin relating to the individual you’re speaking with. Business cards are a must-have ‘tool’ for conferences, as they are judged almost as fast as your appearance. Now that you have successfully pitched yourself and exchanged business cards, follow up with the individuals you spoke with within a week’s time to ensure the connection does not go ‘cold.’
- General do’s and don’ts. Be mindful of seating arrangements by being considerate of taking up more than one chair. Help a fellow attendee looking for a seat by raising your hand to let them know that there’s a seat available next to you. As it is likely the first time that you will be meeting many of your fellow attendees, it is a good idea to present yourself professionally on your body language and gestures. During sessions, be attentive and alert so that speakers know you are engaged and while networking, keep physical contact to a minimum by only offering handshakes.
Attending conferences, such as Leadercast Vancouver 2014, has tremendous potential opportunities for us to effectively challenge our leadership skills. Most importantly, listen to what the speakers have to say as they will more than likely leave a few golden nuggets that serve as motivational reminders throughout our everyday lives.
To find out more about Leadercast Vancouver 2014, please visit: www.leadercastvancouver.ca
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Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged Leadercast Vancouver
March 27, 2014
Today’s article is written by Dr. Loren Ekroth.
In today’s article I draw upon nature, mainly biology, to find a new paradigm for relating to others. In short, it is this: When we do more than connect, when we add something that gives more vitality to those we connect with, everybody gains.
Definition of pollinate: To transfer pollen from a stamen to a pistil; fertilization in flowering plants.
Without bees and butterflies, no pollination. Without pollination, no flowering, no honey or corn. Pollination helps both to co-evolve.
Definition of networking: To meet people who might be useful to know, especially in your job, but also in social life.
Many business and professional meetings set aside a time for “networking” during which attendees chat and exchange business cards. But often that time is too short for people to make meaningful connections. Then it becomes a “meet and greet” that resembles “hit and run.”
I’ve come to believe that effective networking requires pollination, which adds something of value to both participants. The pollinator gets a reward such as nectar for pollinating the plant.
Here is a description by George Bernard Shaw of humans pollinating.
“If I give you an apple and you give me an apple, we both have one apple. But if I give you an idea and you give me an idea, we both have two ideas.” (Both prosper by gaining a new idea.)
Of course, for human pollination to work, both persons must be receptive to the transaction. (We all know people who resist ideas different from what they already believe.) People who interact only with like-minded others do not grow very much.
Four ways to pollinate are to:
- share your useful ideas and new perspectives
- validate people with your respect and enthusiasm
- be curious and learn about others
- help people connect with those they don’t know.
My late friend Anne Boe, author of “Is Your Net Working?” was clear that participants should “give without an expectation that doing so will reap an immediate reward.” Instead, she recommended that you give because it’s the right thing to do. Often a “go-giver” will eventually reap a benefit.
As psychologist Robert Cialdini describes in his book, “Influence,” the principle of reciprocity is powerful. When we give a gift, compliment a person, or do them a favor, the receiver usually feels a need to reciprocate, if not immediately, then later on.
When those interacting have different experiences or ideas, both can gain new perspectives. For example, when an an artist interacts with an engineer, a realtor with a teacher, a young adult with a senior, or a man with a woman.
Such “cross-fertilization” is more likely to occur when it’s planned. That’s what regularly happens in small Mastermind groups with a mixture of people and in “Knowledge Cafes” where participants take what they’ve learned at one table, then share that with new people at other tables.
The principle is this: Pollination is more likely to occur when an event like a business mixer event has a variety of people. Not birds of a feather gathering together, but birds of different feathers.
The most satisfying experiences of my professional life as a university professor of communication came from interacting with colleagues of different disciplines such as philosophy, religion, anthropology, psychology, linguistics, music, and art. I did not want to remain only in my own “silo” of thought, and I was greatly enriched by interacting with a variety of others.
So I ask you: How and where can you apply the methods described above?
Used with permission of Dr. Loren Ekroth, publisher of “Better Conversations” newsletter. Complimentary subscriptions at www.conversationmatters.com
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Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged networking tips
March 17, 2014
There are some women who are insulted if they are referred to as a lady – especially in a business setting. An example being: “I’d like to introduce to you, Jane Smith, the lady I worked with on the XYZ project.”
Isn’t it ironic that if we use the term “gentleman” in that same sentence, it doesn’t feel like a slight? “I’d like to introduce you to John Smith, the gentleman I worked with on the XYZ project.”
So, why are some women so turned off by the word “lady”? I wonder if it bothers some women because we are still trying to fit into a man’s world. That no matter how successful we become, we are on guard for the slightest threat that would diminish our credibility.
On the flip side, I found this New York Times article, dated January, 1887, that recalls a story where a gentleman knocked down a cabman because he had addressed his wife as a woman and not a lady. The author goes on to say “None of us would think it derogatory to speak of our wives or mothers as being charming, clever or beautiful women. But none of us, unless speaking in anger or in strong rebuke would address either his mother, his wife, or his sister as woman, and strange to say, this prejudice does not seem to be of modern date.”
That was then. And this is now. Times have definitely changed.
I used to frequent a restaurant in the States and the very friendly waitress always welcomed me with a “Hey Sweetie! What can I get you?” At first I found it odd that she would call me sweetie. After all she didn’t even know me. But eventually I came to see everyone had a smile for her and she loved what she was doing. And if is it one thing that the North American workplace can use is a lot more people enjoying what they are doing.
And what about the word “girls”? I know many women who dislike being called a girl. I get a chuckle out of it now. And the older I get, the more I seem to enjoy in. And why not be okay with that? There are plenty of other “names” that we could be called that are truly demeaning.
I believe that in the end, whether a person calls you “Hon, Sweetie, Doll, Princess, Lady, or Woman, we have to left it go. The person’s intention was not to criticize or demean us. It’s our own rulebook where the Judgement, with a capital “J,” is made. Each of us has a unique basis of interpretation, so that is unavoidable. What’s important is that we try to understand each other, and simply take some things with a grain of salt.
And remember this: if the worst thing that’s happened to you today is that someone violated how you prefer to be addressed you’re having a pretty good day!
From Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliette: “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
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Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged addressing people, lady, woman, Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products
