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The Art of Complimenting

Think, for a moment, about the last compliment you received: Did it make you feel good? Uplift your day? I’m guessing the answer to both questions is “yes” — and there’s a reason for that. According to Japanese researchers, compliments activate the striatum, a region of the brain that also lights up when we’re given cash. That’s right: A compliment is currency, and just as rewarding!

When you offer a sincere compliment you really are giving a gift. A genuine, thoughtful compliment is a multi-faceted tool. It can be a conversation starter, a relationship builder, a confidence booster, or a way to express goodwill and spread gratitude. You can make someone’s day with a few well-chosen words.

Here’s my formula for crafting the perfect compliment.

Be thoughtful. It’s easy to toss off a compliment about a piece of clothing or jewelry, but a meaningful compliment requires observation. Maybe the person you’d like to compliment recently celebrated a personal milestone or completed a big project. Maybe you’ve noticed his knack for drafting excellent emails or the way she makes everyone feel appreciated during meetings. Expand your awareness and look for attributes that people value and work hard to maintain. A non-cliché compliment, or noticing something that person has never noticed about himself or herself, will set you apart.

Be genuine. Think about a compliment you’ve received that fell flat. When someone offers a run-of-the-mill compliment, or when you know the same tired compliment has been extended to other people, it can feel like an unsophisticated attempt at flattery. Such “compliments” affect the credibility of the person giving the compliment. Ensure your own compliments are genuine by being specific and maintaining eye contact. Your body language will support your sincerity.

Keep it succinct. Compliments are gifts — and like gifts, too many can be overwhelming. Showering compliments can feel insincere, so keep yours to just one or two. Lastly, if at any time you feel compelled to say, “I meant that as a compliment,” then refrain from giving the “compliment” altogether.

Ready to ramp up your complimenting? I challenge you to give three compliments a day. Let me know how it goes! Would you like to learn how you can be more socially savvy in your day-to-day encounters? Contact me today for a coaching session, with my compliments!

Posted by Margaret Page in Uncategorized.