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September 19, 2011
Whether or not you are successful as a guest at a cocktail party is largely a matter of choice. These choices include the effort you put into preparing for the party; researching who will be in attendance; and what you will be doing at the party. These choices make an incredible difference to how you are perceived and received. Knowing key distinctions in the area of cocktail etiquette could mean the difference between being in the winning circle or looking in from the outside. Take a cue from role models Sarah and Nick…
Sarah RSVPs within 24 hours of receiving her invitation. The day before the party she picks out her clothes. As this is a business function, she decides on a classic black dress, not too flirty but one that shows a bit of panache.
She feels relaxed on the day of the party because she did her research. This will help with small talk and business networking. She knows the type of guests that will be in attendance, why she was invited and what opportunities she has to network on her company’s behalf.
Sarah arrives at the party on time and while there, she eats lightly and limits herself to just one drink. Her goal is to “schmooze” gracefully. She holds a glass of white wine by the stem in her left hand so that her right hand is free to shake hands and greet others.
This partygoer is graceful and this demonstrates confidence – both business and social. She understands that guests are supposed to mix and mingle and she does so with aplomb. She stays long enough to make the contacts that she intended to make, but not too long as to overstay her welcome. She remembers to say “goodbye” and thanks the host twice: once at the party and once more in a handwritten thank you note, delivered within 24 hours of the party.
Sarah made a great impression on the other guests. Her refined conduct and networking ability helped her to make some excellent business contacts. These contacts are important for developing new business relationships and nurturing additional business opportunities.
Nick was at the same party. He arrived late, and turned some partygoers off with his loud clothes and even louder demeanor. He brought a date and camped out near the food and drink table. He even asked the house staff for a special request.
Everyone remembered him as the loud guy who drank too much. Months later he solicited a potential client who also happened to be at that party. The guest remembered Nick for all the wrong reasons. When Nick contacted him about new business, he responded, “I believe that quality in everything ultimately always costs less. You should have worked on the quality of your manners at the party. I’ve decided to go with another company…”
The golden nugget is this: Do not underestimate how powerful a good image can Whether it’s in the way you dress, how you hold yourself, what you do and do not do—it matters. And also do not underestimate what a poor image—coupled with poor manners–can do to hamper your business efforts.
Let your winning strategy sparkle at any cocktail party by having impeccable manners. The choice to shine, or not, is yours!
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged party etiquette
September 15, 2011
In a recent survey of 26,000 mothers, Parenting.com revealed that 90 percent of moms admit to judging other parents. From how a child behaves to the foods they eat, our parenting is under intense scrutiny – but none so intense as the harsh reviews we give ourselves.
Yes, parents are critical of each other, but I suspect we are much harder on ourselves – and not just in the early years. Whether our kids are babies or adults, we tend to critique ourselves mercilessly.
I just yelled at Johnny. I should have handled that situation with patience and self-control.
I won’t be home until 7:00 p.m. – again. I’m neglecting my family.
I shouldn’t (insert favourite vice here) in front of the kids. I’m setting a bad example.
These moments of self-doubt and internal critiquing can be helpful at best, and draining and demoralizing at their worst.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Because we really want to excel at parenting. We want our children to be happy, healthy and successful. We want to give them every possible advantage before we set them loose in a hyper-competitive world. We want to look back and feel good about our parenting decisions, and the outcomes that resulted. And, we really don’t want to screw up one of our biggest assignments in life.
My children are now grown, but I still find myself judging my parenting. Am I giving the right amount of guidance? Does she want me to ask so many questions? Should I be more involved?
We all want to be “good” parents… but, here’s the critical question: How do you know if you’re a “good” parent? What are the rules of the game?
The undeniable truth is that many of our parenting standards were inherited from our own parents.
Mother never yelled at her kids.
Father always came home by 5:00.
Whether you accept these old-time ideals, reject them entirely, or modify them to suit your own modern life is entirely up to you.
More often than not, we unconsciously accept them. They run on auto-pilot, in the background. Unless we deliberately examine them and determine whether we want to live that way, we tend to measure ourselves and our parenting behaviours against our parents’ style.
BUT! Mother never had to compete with an iPod to be heard, and Father never faced an hour-long commute through gridlock traffic. The standards that your parents lived by may not be appropriate for the fast-paced, technology intensive, urban jungle life that you live in today.
Try telling that to your subconscious mind. It doesn’t care. It’s too busy watching reruns of your childhood.
For the sake of your sanity and inner peace, I strongly encourage you to explore the parenting rules and guidelines you measure yourself against every day.
As you move through the day, listen closely to your internal parenting dialogue. Do you criticize yourself? Do you think negative thoughts about your decisions, habits or circumstances?
Are your parenting goals realistic? Can you really be a bottomless well of focused, positive energy? Of course not! There will be times when you blow a gasket, snap in frustration, or fail to show up on time. And that’s ok! You’re human. There is no need to beat yourself up for those moments when you aren’t at your best.
Here’s what’s important:
Explore your personal standards. Brainstorm your “rules of good parenting,” and shift these goals from your subconscious mind into conscious commitments. Does your parenting style reflect your deepest values? What do health, safety, and manners mean to YOU? What does “being involved in your child’s life” really look like, given your child’s age and your other commitments? Keep a running list of the marks you aim for and adjust them as often as you want.
When you make sure your standards are your own – consciously crafted, not unconsciously adopted from generations past – you become the architect of your own life… and of generations to come.
Questions to Consider:
1. What makes me feel like a “good” and successful parent?
2. What values do I want to exhibit in my parenting?
3. What makes me feel bad as a parent?
4. Do I allow myself lapses? How do I judge myself when they occur? With patience and understanding, or with frustration and intolerance?
5. What do kids need and want from me?
Take a few minutes to brainstorm your answers… but when you’re done, don’t tuck them away. This is a working document, one you can use as a “parenting blueprint” as the years go by. When you craft your own framework of parenting guidelines, you empower yourself to be the parent you always wanted to be.
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
September 12, 2011
I was married for 23 years and when I was first separated I felt very uncomfortable about dining alone. Just asking for a “table for one” –never mind sitting alone at the table—was enough to put me into a tizzy. I imagined everyone was looking at me . . . and feeling sorry for me because I was eating ALONE! Even if they weren’t looking, there was this feeling that they were.
In those days I opted to eat alone at home instead, but as I needed to travel more, I had just two choices: eat in a restaurant or go hungry! At times I would have been better off to go hungry. Sometimes I just felt so out of place.
May I Serve You?
I’ve discovered that restaurants typically take two approaches to single women, if it’s not business as usual. Either women alone are seated at a poor table, or they are treated extremely well.
In many restaurants, if you’re a woman dining alone and you ask for the table by the window–you’re certain to be told that it’s reserved. On those occasions when you discover one of those restaurants that DO treat solo diners well, you’ll find that they go out of their way to make you feel more comfortable–even bringing you the latest newspaper to read! (Now THIS is a place I’m telling my women friends about because that’s what we do – share information!)
Do’s and Do’s of Dining Alone
Here are a few do’s for dining alone to help ease any discomfort:
- Do call and make a reservation (even for one!). Request a table with a view of the room (not hidden away in a corner by the kitchen!)
- Do bring along your iPad (I do!) or Kindle. It’s a great time to read or write.
- Do dress up. Even though you’re not accompanied by a date, you can still show it off! It feels good to look good!
- From time to time it’s OK to look at other diners …. And even smile!
- Do leave your cell phone in the car or turned off in your handbag. Enjoy your own company. And let others around you enjoy their conversations without listening to you chatting on the phone. They say if you can’t have a romantic dinner by yourself than you can’t have one with someone else either!
- Eat slowly. Take your time and enjoy the evening. How often do you get uninterrupted reflection time?
The last piece of advice is this: “Remember the tip – and make it a good one.”
People that work in restaurants claim that men are better tippers. My friend Heather thinks women are just more practical. We can’t be swayed by a great set of legs! I think women are really just better at gauging how well wait staff are doing. If we tip well, we are fans, and we will tell everyone we know—probably for years and years!
Are you a woman who dines out alone? Do you have any tips you can share that will help others feel more comfortable? Share in the comments below!
Bon appétit!
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Posted by Margaret in Dining Etiquette and tagged dining etiquette, restaurant etiquette, women dining alone
September 2, 2011
What is the difference between wine tasting and wine drinking?
Wine tasting is conducted with the objective of discovering more about a particular wine, its wine maker, the area where the grapes were grown, and so on.
Wine drinking is what we do when we drink wine to enhance the foods we eat.
Whether you’re attending a wine tasting event or celebrating with friends over a meal at home, it’s important to know the basics of wine etiquette.
- Don’t wear scents or perfumes when attending a wine tasting. Perfumes can compromise what you can smell and learn about a wine.
- Ladies, remove lipstick (with a tissue, not a linen napkin) before tasting wine. The lipstick itself can affect the taste of the wine, plus removing it prevents having to scrub the edge of delicate wine glasses to clean them.
- Hold wine glasses by the stem, not the bowl. This allows you to view and swirl the wine properly. Additionally, the heat from your hands changes the temperature of the wine.
- If you’re tasting a range of wines, begin with light bodied wines and progress to full bodied wines.
- It is improper to voice your opinion about a wine while others are in the process of tasting. Best to walk away from other tasters before discussing the qualities of the wine you liked or disliked.
- If you are tasting wine in a restaurant, ask the wait staff to simply pour it.
- Use glasses of an adequate size to properly access the wines nuances.
- Serve wine at the temperatures recommended by industry standards for that particular type of wine.
- Many restaurants will allow you to taste a wine before you order it if you are buying by the glass. (The bottle is usually already open.)
- If your guests have consumed too much wine, don’t let them drive their cars.
- If you’re bringing wine as a gift for a dinner party, don’t expect to drink it that evening. The hostess has probably already selected wines that are good pairings with the food. Instead, present the wine as a gift for the hosts to share on another occasion.
“Wine is bottled poetry.” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
photo credit: nessguide
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Posted by Margaret in Dining Etiquette and tagged wine etiquette
August 29, 2011
Proper manners—the art of practicing good social graces—transcend beyond dry land with something salty dogs call “boating etiquette.” Whether you’re going out on the water for an afternoon of sailing, or for a weekend of sea-faring adventures, the first rule of thumb when you’re a guest on someone’s boat is that the captain (or the skipper) is boss. His boat. His rules. Here are some more tips to ensure you’ll get invited back the next time the boat leaves the dock:
- Ask permission before boarding. When boarding a boat, always ask permission from the person onboard first. “Permission to come aboard” is a standard, and appreciated, boater’s courtesy.
- Buy the fuel. If you’re an invited guest, you should offer to pay for the cost of the fuel. It’s the least you can do and will show your gratitude for being invited along for the ride.
- Don’t show up empty-handed. You can bet your host was at the dock before sunrise readying the boat for the journey. Offer to bring along lunch for everyone. Your skipper will appreciate having one less thing to prepare.
- Pack light, but smart. Bring the minimum amount of clothing for the climate—to conserve space on the boat—but be prepared. Sunscreen, sunglasses, sea sickness medication, a waterproof jacket, non-slip footer, and a warm sweater should be on your list.
- Play it safe. Be sure you know the “rules” of the boat. If you’re captain doesn’t tell you where the safety vests are, ask. And don’t mess with the dials, buttons, gauges, radios, or anything that even resembles an electronic instrument used to keep the boat afloat.
- Help the skipper. Help the skipper only if given specific instructions. This is not the time to improvise.
- Stay out of the way. Use common sense here. The captain has a lot to think about—traffic, weather, waves, the best place to find fish—A boat is a small space, so stay out of the way when you need to.
- Ask before you “go.” Before you use the “head,” get proper operating instructions. No two marine heads operate alike and a clog caused by excessive amounts of toilet tissue can be expensive (and messy!) In some boats, “if it did not go in your mouth it does not go in the head,” so it’s better to ask first!
- Quiet down. If you’re a nighthawk, and you’re spending the night at sea with friends, be sure to keep the noise to a minimum after the “early-to-bed” guests have turned in for the night.
- Keep it clean. Another no-brainer here, but “If you make a mess, clean it up,” or you’re likely to be removed from the captain’s guest list the next time he sets sail. Be sure to dispose of the trash AFTER you dock.
- Don’t rock the boat. Wait until the boat has docked to gather your personal items and make your way off the boat. The sudden shift can distract the captain as he is trying to dock.
Within 24 hours of returning to shore, be sure to send a personalized thank-you note to your captain. It’s not only good etiquette, it will keep you in the captain’s good graces the next time he’s looking for a shipmate!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged boat etiquette
August 20, 2011
Funerals and memorial services are a way for families and friends to honor the deceased and acknowledge a sense of loss. Because there is such emotion involved, attending a funeral can be uncomfortable for some people. Not knowing what to say or do—and what to wear—can add to the stress of the day.
Although customs will vary, depending on location and religion, the following tips can be used as a basic guideline for what to expect:
To Go or Not to Go
A funeral or memorial service for a loved one is a public event and typically anyone who knew the deceased—close family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances—are welcome to attend. If a private service is planned, you will be notified of the details. If you can attend, do. The family will appreciate your presence and support.
What to Wear
Funerals and memorial services are somber occasions and conservative (somber) clothing is appropriate:
- Men: Dark suit or dark pants and jacket
- Women: A dark dress or dark suit
What to Send
Sending a sympathy card, or a personal note, is an appropriate gesture. Choose a card that is in good taste and reflects your relationship to the family.
When someone passes away, it’s very common to send flowers to the bereaved. You can send them to the family’s home or directly to the funeral home.
Keep in mind that:
- Baskets of flowers or plants of any kind are fine
- Floral wreathes and crosses are typically sent by a group as they are usually bigger and more involved
- Close family typically provides casket arrangements and it’s not appropriate to buy this type of arrangement without discussing with the family first.
Often, families request that donations be made to a specific charity in memory of the deceased, in lieu of sending flowers. If you choose to make a donation, make sure that the charity has the name and address of the bereaved family so they can be notified that a donation was made in memory of their loved one.
What to Say to the Bereaved
Expressing sympathy to someone in deep mourning can be difficult. It’s best to keep it short and simple. On arrival, greet the family and briefly offer your condolences.
- Be specific when offering any help. Offer to help with childcare, make dinner, or run errands, for example.
- Avoid claiming that you know how someone feels. Simply let them know that you’re thinking of them.
- Don’t bring up spirituality.
What to Do If
You may be asked to serve as pallbearers or ushers at the service.Here’s what to expect:
Pallbearers: Pallbearers carry or escort the coffin to the burial place. During the service, you will sit at the front, just behind the family. If you are asked to be a pallbearer and are not comfortable carrying the coffin, you may be able to escort it instead.
Ushers: Ushers help escort mourners to their seats before the service. Always try to seat those with the closest relationship to the deceased nearest to the front. Ushers themselves can sit wherever they choose once the ceremony starts.
Eulogies: You may be asked to give a eulogy at the service. If you are not comfortable doing so (or too upset), it’s perfectly okay to decline. If you do decide to say a few words, keep these tips in mind:
- A eulogy is just 2 – 10 minutes long
- Plan what you are going to say before you arrive
- Have someone review your words beforehand
- Share how you knew the deceased, and don’t speak only about your relationship with him or her
- Emphasize the deceased’s best qualities
No one likes to think about death or funerals, but unfortunately it’s a part of life. Even though common sense and good discretion are always the best guides to proper funeral etiquette, knowing what to expect, in itself, can be a comfort. Hopefully these tips helped!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged funeral etiquette
August 15, 2011
I was recently asked to contribute to a CTV report on tipping etiquette. One of the questions that came up was around self-service restaurants or coffee shops—such as Starbucks Tim Hortons—and whether to tip or not to tip. In my opinion, if you have to wait in line to place an order, vs. sitting down at a restaurant and being served, there should not be an expectation to pay the same gratuity. It’s an entirely different business model.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Etiquette Edge
August 13, 2011
When I was a little girl, like many others, I would read under the covers with a flashlight. I didn’t read exciting mysteries, humorous comics or even books that explored anatomy. Instead, I read Emily Post’s book, simply titled, Etiquette. What caused this behavior, you ask? Well it was one nasty experience (though there were probably many, I always seem to go back to this ONE!). I left home one afternoon, feeling like Cinderella going to the ball, only to return feeling like Linda Blair in the Exorcist! And not even a pumpkin…I’ll spare you the details (for now) but it was not a good day!
The truth is, I never wanted to ever feel embarrassed or uncomfortable like that again.Who does? So I went in search of knowledge that would guide me in being more comfortable in social interactions or difficult situations.
No one wants red flags going off when you’re to impress your boss or that special person who’s caught your eye. Instead… know the Power of Polite.
I hope you enjoy!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged good manners, emily post, Margaret Page, the power of polite ebook
August 9, 2011
I was recently asked to contribute to a CTV report on tipping etiquette. One of the questions that came up was around self-service restaurants or coffee shops—such as Starbucks Tim Hortons—and whether to tip or not to tip. In my opinion, if you have to wait in line to place an order, vs. sitting down at a restaurant and being served, there should not be an expectation to pay the same gratuity. It’s an entirely different business model.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Newsletters
August 4, 2011
Everywhere you look, people are on cell phones. In the grocery stores, restaurants, movie theatres, shopping malls and doctor’s offices, people are talking (or texting) on their phone. Just the other day I saw a woman jogging in the park with a cell phone up to her ear. It just looked odd to me somehow.
There has been an explosion of smartphones on the market, and everyone seems to be texting. This has added an additional layer of communication etiquette challenges to the mix. It’s quieter to text someone, and it would appear that it’s less distracting, but if you’re with someone and you’re not fully engaged because you’re answering every beep and buzz from your cell phone, well that is not good manners. I know I don’t want to be sitting down for a romantic dinner with a man who is answering a text from the other side of the table!
Hold that call!
By taking a cell phone call while in the presence of others, you’re saying to the person you are with “there is something or someone more important than you are.”
Alternately, have you ever grabbed a call just because it was ringing? Even though you didn’t have time to chat. You probably would have been far better off letting it go to message. Right? Well, the same is true when answering a cell phone while with other people. It’s a distraction from the current conversation and often even changes the dynamics of the conversation after the intrusion.
As much as we talk on cell phones these days, there still seems to be a lot of people who don’t have a grasp on the etiquette of cell phone use yet. Just because we can talk to whomever we want, whenever we want, wherever we want, does that mean we should completely forget our manners?
Here’s a quick review of some cell phone etiquette tips:
- Don’t use cell yell when taking calls in public. Your voice sounds different on a cell and is louder and carries farther than you think.
- Avoid talking about personal topics when other people can hear you.
- If you must take a call when you’re already engaged in a face-to-face conversation, ask permission of the people who are with you. Then move away from them so they can carry on their conversation without your distraction.
- Do NOT text during face-to-face conversations.
- Maintain a distance of at least 10-feet from the nearest person when talking on your cell phone.
- When the lights are turned off, your phone should be, too (movie theatres, playhouses, etc.)
- Don’t place your cell phone on the dinner table, anywhere.
- Use common sense. Your phone should be turned off or to silent during a job interview, funeral, wedding, at the gym, in the bathroom, during a presentation, or any other setting where a quiet atmosphere is mandated.
Do you think there are others that belong on the list of cell phone dos and don’ts?’ List them in the comments section below.
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged cell phone etiquette, manners, business etiquette, texting etiquette
