Table for One: Tips for Women Dining Alone
September 12, 2011
I was married for 23 years and when I was first separated I felt very uncomfortable about dining alone. Just asking for a “table for one” –never mind sitting alone at the table—was enough to put me into a tizzy. I imagined everyone was looking at me . . . and feeling sorry for me because I was eating ALONE! Even if they weren’t looking, there was this feeling that they were.
In those days I opted to eat alone at home instead, but as I needed to travel more, I had just two choices: eat in a restaurant or go hungry! At times I would have been better off to go hungry. Sometimes I just felt so out of place.
May I Serve You?
I’ve discovered that restaurants typically take two approaches to single women, if it’s not business as usual. Either women alone are seated at a poor table, or they are treated extremely well.
In many restaurants, if you’re a woman dining alone and you ask for the table by the window–you’re certain to be told that it’s reserved. On those occasions when you discover one of those restaurants that DO treat solo diners well, you’ll find that they go out of their way to make you feel more comfortable–even bringing you the latest newspaper to read! (Now THIS is a place I’m telling my women friends about because that’s what we do – share information!)
Do’s and Do’s of Dining Alone
Here are a few do’s for dining alone to help ease any discomfort:
- Do call and make a reservation (even for one!). Request a table with a view of the room (not hidden away in a corner by the kitchen!)
- Do bring along your iPad (I do!) or Kindle. It’s a great time to read or write.
- Do dress up. Even though you’re not accompanied by a date, you can still show it off! It feels good to look good!
- From time to time it’s OK to look at other diners …. And even smile!
- Do leave your cell phone in the car or turned off in your handbag. Enjoy your own company. And let others around you enjoy their conversations without listening to you chatting on the phone. They say if you can’t have a romantic dinner by yourself than you can’t have one with someone else either!
- Eat slowly. Take your time and enjoy the evening. How often do you get uninterrupted reflection time?
The last piece of advice is this: “Remember the tip – and make it a good one.”
People that work in restaurants claim that men are better tippers. My friend Heather thinks women are just more practical. We can’t be swayed by a great set of legs! I think women are really just better at gauging how well wait staff are doing. If we tip well, we are fans, and we will tell everyone we know—probably for years and years!
Are you a woman who dines out alone? Do you have any tips you can share that will help others feel more comfortable? Share in the comments below!
Bon appétit!
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16 Responses to Table for One: Tips for Women Dining Alone
I dine alone as well and yes it feels awkward – I like to sit at the bar, whether it’s in a pub or a restaurant. It’s got plenty of activity and if the bartender is good then he or she will have you feeling comfortable and talking in no time. The others at the bar are usually alone and it’s easy to strike up a conversation. I don’t like to read anything because then your putting out that you are unapproachable. I like to socialize where as some women may be looking for a nice meal in peace. It’s all in how your feeling in the moment – both are options to those seeking to find a place to fill the belly in a comfortable environment.
Susan, thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment! I know a lot of women who find that dining at the bar is a great way to find someone to strike up a conversation with. And if it makes you feel comfortable — and you’re treated well — it’s perfect! I think you’re right, it depends on what you’re in the mood for. It’s nice that there are options and I think that the more that you dine alone, the easier it is — and you can really enjoy your own company!
Thanks for the tips! (no pun intended)
I like dining alone, especially if I’m giving more seating options – eating at a counter isn’t my thing. In busy places, especially at lunchtime (I work in Manhattan), I’m constantly asked to share a table. It’s a bit awkward, though last time that happened I had a lovely conversation with a doctor – don’t think I’ve ever been able to spend an hour with a doctor, so it was a worthwhile experience. If I had a choice, though, if I enter a restaurant alone I plan to eat alone.
Catherine, thanks so much for your comment! A good friend who was the CEO of an international organization would ask the maître to invite any other single person dining in the restaurant that even to join him for diner – male or female. He did that for years and met some great people and business contacts that way. Rarely was he joined by someone that wasted his time.
If your preference is to eat alone you may have to do some exploring to find a restaurant where there is a greater chance of that happening. Do you have a favorite?
Best of luck!
For the past eight years or so I’ve done many things by myself including seeing plays/movies, going shopping, and attend small, local band concerts. I’ve always been comfortable doing those things alone but I’ve never treated myself to dinner out alone. Typically if my fiancé is busy and I want something certain, I will order carry out. This article makes me want to take myself to dinner. Like you said, I have always felt it would be awkward, especially since I’m one of those people that typically feel sorry for single diners. I think dining alone mostly require confidence.
Thanks for your comments, Courtney. You’re right, it does require confidence. And yes, DO take yourself to dinner! Glad you enjoyed the article!
I have been out at this one restaurant alone for the past few months. A guy I was casually seeing is a DJ there and I found I enjoyed the music. I sit in a quiet booth and enjoy the music stay out of his way and as you suggest write. I recently found my way back to creative writing and found I enjoy it and found this place the best place for me to think? Despite DJ boy. It is funny the mixed reaction to the writing…when eating alone no strange comments no unwanted male attention but pull out a spiral green notebook and whole other story lol….men find it odd? People want to know what you are writing it is odd let me tell you! Do any of you single ladies write? And what has your experiance been?
Thank you for your comment! I’m not surprised by your experience. I think that people want to interact — and they’re looking for a conversation starter. Perhaps people just want to break the ice with you by mentioning your writing. It’s an opener to engage you in conversation.
I’ve had dinner by myself plenty of times and never gave it a second thought. I enjoy my time alone. When you’re alone it leaves you more open to having conversations with new interesting people …..conversations that otherwise wouldn’t take place if you were accompanied by someone you knew. So maybe stepping out of your comfort zone is a good thing.
…..and I think that others may feel sorry for you for dining alone but I bet 9 times out of 10 ..they probably don’t notice.
Jennifer, I completely agree! I think it’s wonderful that you enjoy spending time alone – and allowing yourself the opportunity to meet new people! I have a friend who loves going to the movies alone. Once a month, on a Saturday morning, she takes herself to see a new chick flick!
I dine alone often and do not want to sit at the bar. I feel bad saying no, as though that is where they would prefer that I sit. I’ve been wondering why they ask. Wouldn’t a person who wants to be seated at the bar ask or that right off?
That’s an interesting question, and you’re right – they do often ask a single diner if he or she wants to sit at the bar. It’s as though it’s a negative thing to dine alone. Which it is not! Thanks for your comment! Appreciate your insight.
I realize this forum is old and my response may not matter at this time, but I find it interesting that assumptions are made about how restaurants may or may not react to women dining alone! I eat alone all the time and enjoy it immensely. I take my time, rarely sit at a bar, never feel rushed, stared at, or assume others may feel sorry for me. My experience is not about others, but only my enjoyment and satisfaction. If I do encounter an issues, I politely and descretely will bring it to the waiter’s attention, where it is handled; rarely is a manager needed. Not sure where everyone else is dining, but it sounds more like at establishments where the “money first” mentality–rather than service, is more important.
It sure was nice when you said that the person can dress up even if they intend to eat alone since it is not a bad idea to show off. If that is the case, then I will prepare my best dress for when I eat alone. After all, eating out alone might be the perfect time to snag a potential boyfriend. I’ll just give it a try. Thanks!
It got me when you suggested enjoying my own company for a change and turn off the phone so that I can listen to the conversation of others while eating alone. To be honest, I have been looking forward to reconnecting with my inner self for a while now. Maybe I can do it while eating out. I’ll go look for the best restaurant around town and put that plan into action.
Thanks for explaining that we should still make a reservation, even if it’s only for one. I want to find a French restaurant to go to tonight. Your advice should help the evening go as smoothly as possible!