Latest "Etiquette Edge" Posts
March 6, 2011
With the economy squeezing businesses and the unemployment rate creeping up, networking events are swelling with people who are ready, willing and able to do business.
If you have an opportunity to make new connections, don’t be shy! Here are some sure-fire strategies to help you relax and engage people with confidence.
- First, remember: they’re not strangers, they’re future allies… and they want to meet you!
- When you greet someone, shake hands, smile and look them in the eye. A warm greeting is always a great icebreaker.
- Come prepared with professionally designed and printed business cards to give on request. Better yet, make a point of asking others for their cards.
- Listen well when talking with others. Use your ears, eyes, heart and brain to engage in a full conversation.
- Never look over the person’s shoulder to pick out someone else to talk with.
- Take opportunities to praise people for the contributions they make. Acknowledge their achievements. Letting them take a bow makes you both feel good! They will remember and appreciate you for it.
- If you find yourself in conversation with people who are badmouthing others, do the reverse. Say positive things instead; “good-mouth” them.
- Follow up your networking conversations with a call or e-mail within a day or two. For those on your key contact list, stay in touch by reaching out periodically, even when you aren’t making a request. Send cards, e-mails or letters frequently to congratulate people on their ideas and achievements. They will feel nurtured by your outreach.
- Always ask people how you can help them accomplish their goals. Get specific details and graciously follow through on any agreements you make as soon as practical. This builds loyalty and trust every time!
Do you have any networking nuggets of your own? I’d love to hear them! Please feel free to share them in the comments box below.
Super-size these nuggets and share them with your friends!
photo: MyTudut
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged networking, etiquette tips, first impressions, good manners, business etiquette
March 3, 2011
Chat rooms are great places to “meet” people from all around the world. But it’s important to remember involvement in virtual communication still requires proper etiquette to ensure a pleasant experience for everyone in the room.
For those of you who are new to chat rooms, I’ve put together these etiquette tips before you enter a chat to ensure you have a flame-free experience!
- Review the “rules of engagement” when you join the community.
- If it’s your first time in the room, try “lurking” for a while to get a feel for how the chat room operates before jumping in.
- When you’re ready to participate, introduce yourself first. Just like you would when meeting people in a “real” setting.
- Avoid using profanity or offensive language. Keep it clean!
- Typing an entry in all caps can be considered rude, and is the equivalent to YELLING. Constant “shouting” will turn off other chatters. Keep the “noise” to a minimum.
- When addressing someone in the chat, use their screen name. Chats move quickly and it can be difficult to catch the conversation if you’re not clear.
- Don’t get too personal. Don’t use your real name or reveal any personal information in a chat room.
- Avoid direct confrontations with abusive users. If a chat host is available, alert them of the abusive chatter, but don’t engage them.
- Don’t do ALL the talking. Respond to questions and comments. Be part of the conversation, but don’t fill the chat board with “all about me” entries! Listening is part of communication.
- Welcome all newcomers that enter the chat room. Remember when you were a “newbie”?
There are so many opportunities for people to connect online. It still amazes me at how easy it is today to connect with someone half a world away!
No matter where you meet people online, following just a few common courtesies will ensure that
the experience is enjoyable for you – and for your new friends!
photo: ChristylnsDesign
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Posted by Margaret in Etiquette Tips and tagged Chat room, common courtesy, Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products, etiquette tips
February 27, 2011
Generations of children have cut their reading teeth on the simple rhymes of Dr. Suess. Who could forget “The Cat in the Hat,” or “Horton Hears a Who”? We’ve shared the endearing characters with our children and our grandchildren, knowing the whimsical stories, peppered with inspiration and insight, will live on in their memories, too.
MY own all-time favorite Dr. Seuss book is the last one he ever wrote. “Oh! The Places You’ll Go!” begins with the optimism and encouragement of great things to come with “Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to great places! You’re off and away!”
Those words, as it turned out, have been the catalyst to many life-changing events over the years. I didn’t know it at the time, but they gave me the courage to walk through many doors of opportunity that came my way.
” You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
Who soar to high heights. “
Sounds silly, I know, if you think too long about it, but who couldn’t use a little dose of Dr. Seuss motivation from time to time? Words of encouragement, cloaked in the form of lyrical rhymes might be just what you need to motivate you to move forward in your journey.
One such opportunity changed my life, drastically. I had been a member of Toastmasters for about a year – having attended simply to learn the art of public speaking—and I was invited to moderate a federal debate for an election. Gulp. My lips moved and I heard myself say “Yes!” without even a pause! The voice inside my head, however, was screaming, “No you can’t do that! You’ll make a fool of yourself and the Club!”
Well, thankfully, I ignored those whispers and I followed my instincts. “You CAN do this,” I told myself, drowning out the sound of self-doubt. “Yes, you can.” And I did.
There were loads of people in attendance, and the media was there. Yes, media! A television crew was eagerly waiting to broadcast all the mistake and missteps of my debut.
Looking out at the 350 people that filled the room, waiting for me to speak, I heard:
” You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
Any direction you choose. “
And since that day, I’ve never looked back. I conquered my fear, shook off any self-doubt, and discovered I loved it! Who knew how much I would enjoy speaking in front of crowds of people?
Stepping outside my comfort zone, and facing my fears, has opened up so many doors of opportunity for me. And the cherries on the top of it all, is the self-esteem and self-confidence I found through public speaking.
Just as Suess’ pajama-clad hero was up to the challenge, I, too, climbed my mountain—and life looks pretty awesome from up here!
” So . . . .
Be your name Buxbaum or Bixy or Bray
Or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off to Great Places!
Your mountain is waiting.
So….. get on your way! “
A special thanks to Heidi Cohen, who inspired this blog post, with her We Love Bloggers contest. It was great fun revisiting the magic that is still being shared by so many children around the world.
photo: Joe Shlabotnik
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged Dr. Seuss, humour, inspiration, life journey, oh the places!, self-confidence
February 25, 2011
“You wouldn’t believe how many people applied for this job! The competition is fierce. I’m so nervous about the interview.”
Emily looked miserable. If this young lady was going to impress anyone, her confidence needed a serious boost.
I decided to level with her. “Emily, you are absolutely correct. The competition IS fierce. That’s why it takes more than just skills and education to land a great job.
“Qualifications can get you an interview – but class can get you the job.”
Now I had her attention. “Making a classy impression doesn’t usually happen by chance. It’s all about preparation!”
Here’s what I told her to do:
- Research your potential employer, the industry, and any recent developments or initiatives. Commit a few key facts to memory and mention them when the opportunity appears.
- Select your outfit the day before, making sure it is clean, pressed, fits well and flatters. Refrain from wearing anything low cut, short, tight. If you’re unsure about the dress code, dress “up” rather than “down” (i.e., dress a more formal way rather than a more casual way).
- Be freshly groomed, including nails, hair and face – and remember, no fragrances.
- If you carry a purse or portfolio, make sure it’s well organized so you can retrieve information quickly and easily. After all, spilling your private belongings across the desk is the antithesis of class.
- Make sure the vehicle you drive to the interview is clean. Some employers view how you maintain your car as a reflection of how you’ll take care of their tools or equipment.
- Familiarize yourself with your destination so you are sure to arrive as scheduled.
- Arrive early enough to make a quick stop at the rest room to check your hair, teeth, and clothing.
Each step sets you up to feel relaxed and confident when the pressure is on.
Once you get into the interview room:
- Stand when introduced to the interviewer and do not sit down until invited to do so.
- Place your belongings on the floor, not the table or desk.
- During the interview, show interest, confidence and deference.
- Stay focused. Don’t fidget, repeat yourself or move objects around.
- If you are being interviewed over a meal, follow your host’s lead. Don’t order any alcohol, unless you are interviewing with an alcohol-related company.
- No matter what: never criticize a former employer.
When the interview comes to a close, be sure to request a card from your interviewer(s) so you can send a handwritten ‘thank you’ note within 48 hours. In the note, be positive and genuine, and if appropriate, refer to something that was discussed in the interview.
Social grace under pressure, specifically, the intense pressure of an interview, always makes a strong impression. It implies a certain degree of personal power, insight and self control, uncommon qualities that any employer would value.
It will give you the “etiquette edge” you need to ace your next job interview!
photo: MyTudut
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged manners, interview etiquette, job interview tips, etiquette tips
February 16, 2011
Let me start off by saying this: I LOVE to travel. I love to go to new places and learn about new cultures. I enjoy meeting new people (even at airports!) and sharing stories about our journeys–the good, the bad, AND the downright ugly!
It will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that air travel can be stressful. No matter what the destination, you’re likely to meet some kind of resistance to your well-planned departure.
John Steinbeck said it best with “A journey is like a marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you can control it.”
Ways to make your journey more enjoyable for yourself (and for others!)
Be organized
Best laid plans being what they are, it’s still good practice to plan your itinerary well ahead of time.
Be courteous
Open doors for others and smile at people. It’s hard not to smile if someone smiles at you. It’s contagious.
Be ready
Have your boarding pass and ID in hand to minimize delays during check-in and boarding.
Be patient
We’re all in the same boat (or plane…) here. An impatient person offered me $100 to jump ahead of me in a long airport line. Can you believe it?
Be flexible
Be willing to switch seats to allow a friend or family member to sit together. What goes around comes around, and one day you may want that favour extended. And, it’s just good manners!
Pay attention
Know the rules of the airline and don’t try to bend them by shoving your over-sized duffel bag underneath the seat in front of you.
Don’t stink up the joint
If you bring food on board, make sure it’s not something that has a strong smell. As much as I love Chinese food, the smell of garlic chicken isn’t something I want hanging in air for a 6-hour flight.
Turn it down a notch
Be aware of how loud you’re talking in the concourse, and on the plane. And if you’re plugged into an iPod, and the person next to you is singing along to the music, you’re probably disturbing SOMEONE with your tunes.
Be aware
Don’t fling your seat back without taking note of the person seated behind you. Make sure you’re not intruding on their (limited) leg space.
Keep the kids happy
Flying with your children can be tough—for you, for the kids, and if things get out of control: for the people seated around you. Bring lots of “sit-down” activities for the kids to do. Whatever you do, don’t expect the flight attendants to manage your kids.
Don’t hang out in the “loo.”
Be mindful of how much time you spend in the bathroom. This is not the time to refresh your makeup or throw some curlers in your hair.
Stay dry before you fly
It’s best not to consume too much alcohol before AND during a flight. You could be blocked from boarding if you’re tipsy, and the effects of alcohol are much greater at high altitudes so it’s best to keep the celebrations to a minimum while in the air.
And remember this: The joy of the journey is in the ride. So, be patient, even if your flight is delayed—you never know who you’ll meet while camped out on in an airport terminal.
Life’s just like that, isn’t it? All you can do is “go with the flow.”
photo: caribb
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Posted by Margaret in Etiquette Tips and tagged etiquette tips, air travel etiquette, good manners
February 9, 2011
Has rudeness become a way of life? Are we so busy that we don’t have time to say “please” and “thank you” anymore?
Have we forgotten the simple courtesies that set us apart from the animal kingdom?
Here is a list of simple courtesies (gentle reminders?) that will win you friends and earn you points in the manners department.
Simple Courtesies
- Say please and thank you
- Turn off your cell phone in the movie theatre
- Please, please don’t wear your baseball hat at the dinner table
- Write thank you notes. Handwritten thank you notes.
- A simple wave of acknowledgement when I let you into traffic
- Be on time. Plan ahead so you’re not that person (you know the one) who is ALWAYS late!
Do you have a pet peeve — when it comes to common courtesy? I’d love to get your take on the state of good manners today.
photo: Metro Transportation Library and Archive
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged manners, courtesies, rudeness, thank you
February 1, 2011
If you’ve ever snickered at people who swirl their wine incessantly, you won’t any longer.
Wine tasting is not the same as drinking it. To experience the true flavour of a wine–like a pro– slow down and pay attention to your senses of sight, smell, touch, as well as taste.
Remember – There are no right or wrong descriptions of how a wine tastes or smells. Everyone’s palate is unique.
Cheers!
- Swirl the glass and then hold it at a 45-degree angle above a white table cloth or white paper to determine its color.
- Place your nose over the top of wine glass after swirling and inhale deeply to determine the nose of the wine. Take your time; there’s no need to rush.
- Tip up the glass. Take a small mouthful of wine, breathing in through your mouth at the same time. Rotate the wine around your palate. Swallow. Stop. Wait at least 30 seconds. Take your time, then verbalize what you just experienced.
- Keep pace with the other tasters in your group. When they’re looking at the color, for example, also be looking at the color. When they’re exploring the nose and the aroma, also explore the nose and the aroma. When they’re tasting, taste. You get the idea.
- Do not criticize, ridicule, judge, or reject how someone else interprets wine. Wine tasting is subjective; there are no “rights” or “wrongs.”
- If you must have another beverage with you, bring only water. No sodas, coffee, tea, juice, and so on.
- Always take notes of what you discover on the nose and taste, and what other people discover as well. Compare notes and learn from each other.
- Have fun!
Don’t be surprised to hear some very odd, but genuine, taste and aroma descriptors. They include things like: horsey, mossy, flabby, stewed, yeasty, candied, barnyard, baked, jammy, and zippy. Check out a full list of wine descriptors here.
Cheers!
photo credit: Dave Morrison
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Posted by Margaret Page in Dining Etiquette and tagged wine descriptors, wine tasting etiquette, wine tasting tips
January 30, 2011
Even (and maybe “especially”) in a world where we communicate with quick texts and emails, the personal thank you card is still the best way to show your gratitude when someone gives you a gift.
But where do you start? What do you say?
Your personal note doesn’t have to be written on fancy paper, and you don’t have to have a degree in Journalism to find the right words to say. Don’t be intimidated. Be authentic. Be personal. Keep it simple.
Here are four key components to cover in your thank you note, to help you get you started:
- In the first sentence, say “thank you for” and state the gift you’ve been given. Example: Thank you for the wine glasses you gave us for our anniversary.
- Next, express a further detailed appreciation by remarking on qualities about the gift. Example: The glasses have already found a home on our dining room table. They look so elegant next to our everyday dishes!
- Share specific reasons why you like the gift. Example: We love to entertain, and can’t wait to show them off the next time we have friends over for a wine and cheese get-together.
- In the closing sentence, sign is pleasantly and friendly. And you can even add “Thanks again!” before your signature.
Don’t drag your feet…be sure to send out a personal thank you note within 48 hours of receiving a gift.
Gratitude will never be out of style, no matter how technically-advanced we become. Sending a personal note of thanks will not only let them know how much you appreciate the gift, but it also sends the message that you value the relationship enough to take the time to personalize your message.
Far better than being included in a group email of thanks, don’t you think?
photo: vistamommy
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged appreciation, gratitude, manners, thank you card
January 21, 2011
“The tea ceremony requires years of training and practice… yet the whole of this art, as to its detail, signifies no more than the making and serving of a cup of tea. The supremely important matter is that the act be performed in the most perfect, most polite, most graceful, most charming manner possible”.
~Lafcadio Hearn
I love to travel. I love to see new places and meet new people — and experience their culture. And even though I’ve never been to Japan, I’m fascinated by their culture. And one of the things I’ve really enjoyed taking part in (a few times!) is The Japanese Tea Ceremony.
Here’s a bit about the ceremony—or should I say, ceremonies—to perk your interest. (Yes, that was a tea-ism…and corny, I know, but had to do it.)
The Scoop
One of Japan’s most honored customs, the Japanese Tea Ceremony is a traditional ritual, influenced by Zen Buddhism, in which powdered green tea, or matcha, is prepared by a skilled practitioner and served to a small group of guests in a tranquil setting.
- The host draws the boiling water from the pot.
Throughout the year there are various kinds of ceremonies–each one with specific names according to the time of day, the occasion of the tea ceremony, or the season in which the ceremony is held. No matter when, or where the ceremony is held, this common thread remains: the tea ceremony involves the preparation and serving of tea to a guest or guests.
Each tea ceremony has a host or hostess who will customarily wear a kimono. The ceremonies may be held either inside and outside and can last from one to five hours, depending on the type of ceremony.
If the tea is going to be served in a separate teahouse, the guests will wait outside until they are summoned. When invited inside, guests will remove their shoes and enter the teahouse through a small door, where they will proceed to the “tokonoma,” or the alcove.
A simple meal, called a “kaiseki,” may be served, followed by sake. When the meal is finished, the guests usually leave the area where the tea ceremony is being held until the host or hostess calls them back once more. It’s at that time that the tea ceremony truly begins.
Next, in the Japanese Tea Ceremony, the instruments – used to make the tea – are cleaned. Each utensil—including the tea bowl (chawan), whisk (chasen,) and tea scoop (chashku)—is ritually cleaned in front of the guests in very precise ways. This process is a time where guests remain silent, observing the process.
The Japanese tea is much more than “serving tea,” it’s about being present in the moment. The quiet rituals within the ceremony lend to the overall experience of slowing down time. It’s all very peaceful.
Once the instruments are cleaned, the host will make the tea – with a measured amount of green tea powder, whisking it with hot water. The host will bow to the guest in attendance who is the most honourable, who will drink from the bowl first and then return the bow to the host.
When the guest of honour (the first guest) passes the bowl to the next guest, he must turn the bowl so that when it is presented the second guest’s lips will not touch the same place on the bowl as the first guest.
After all the guests have had tea, the host will clean the utensils. As part of the tradition, the guest of honour will request that the host allow the guests to examine the utensils. Each guest will admire each item, treating them as though they were invaluable treasures. Then, the host will collect all the utensils and the guests will exit the teahouse. The host will bow from the door …signaling the end of the tea ceremony.
A Japanese Tea Ceremony, to me, is an event far removed from my afternoon Pot-O-Red-Rose. It is delightful, peaceful…meaningful. Perhaps we could incorporate some of these traditions within our own culture? Modified slightly to fit our Western way of life?
What do you think? In a world so intent on getting as much done in a 24-hour period as we can, can you see yourself setting aside 4 hours for a reflective time of quiet and green tea?
Bonus! Etiquette Tip: When seating guests in a Japanese-style room, the correct etiquette is to seat the most important guest with his or her back facing the tokonoma. This is because of modesty; the host should not be seen to show off the contents of the tokonoma to the guest, and thus it is necessary not to point the guest towards the tokonoma.
And now the answers to Tea Trivia!
Last week i posted these trivia questions for readers, and thought it only fair to share the answers!
- The Boston Tea Party
- Earl Grey.
- 180 degrees F or 82.
- Low tea..because it was served on low tables, such as coffee table
- The leaves are pan fried.
- See above!
- Darjeeling tea, grown in India.
How many did you get right?
images: Amy Otoko
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Posted by Margaret in International Etiquette and tagged tranquility, tea etiquette, grace, honor, Japanese Tea Ceremony, rituals
January 12, 2011
To celebrate National Hot Tea Month, I thought I would share some tips on brewing up the most perfectly perfect pot of tea.
First things first: Make sure your tea is fresh. Yes, tea does have a lifespan. Black teas–if stored in a cool, dry, airtight space–may last you for years, but white and green teas will likely lose its appeal after a few months. Trust your palette.
Then follow these steps for a perfect pot of tea:
1. Boil water in a kettle. Just because you can boil water in a microwave, doesn’t mean you should. At least not for tea.
2. Warm your teapot by filling it with hot water, leaving the water in the teapot while you’re boiling the water for your tea.
3. Boil enough water to fill your teapot and then set it aside.
4. Empty the “warming” water from your teapot, through the spout. This will ensure that the entire teapot is warmed up and ready for your tea.
5. Place tea into the teapot. You can use teabags (Earl Grey or Orange Pekoe are favorites) or one of the many unique blends of loose tea. If you’re using tea bags, pop the teabags into the pot and let them sit for 30 seconds before pouring water over them. This will release some of the flavor and oils into the pot.
6. Next, pour the hot water from the kettle over the tea and replace the lid. Let your tea steep for 3 – 5 minutes.
7. Take tea bags out, put the lid back on the pot, and cover the pot with a tea cozy.
8. If you’re adding milk to your tea, warm the milk first – so that it doesn’t cool your tea – and pour into teacup BEFORE you add the hot tea. Add sugar if needed.
9. Enjoy!
Bonus Tip
Every tea family has a optimum steeping temperature and brewing time. Here’s a simple guide to the four tea families:
- Black tea: 4-5 minutes at 212° F
- Oolong tea: 2-4 minutes at 195°-205° F
- Green tea: 2-4 minutes at 175° F
- White tea: 3-5 minutes at 165° F
And Now, Some Tea Trivia
To kick the tea celebration up a notch – and test your knowledge on tea– see how many of the following tea trivia questions you can answer correctly.
1. What famous tea party was held in the U.S. in 1773?
2. What popular tea is named after a British Royal?
3. What temperature should be used to brew green tea?
4. Afternoon tea is also known by another name. What is that name?
5. What is the Chinese method of stopping oxidation when processing tea leaves?
6. What is a Japanese tea ceremony?
7. What is referred to as the champagne of tea?
Share your answers in the comments below and be sure to drop by next week to find out all the answers!
image: yakubovich
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Posted by Margaret in Just for Fun and tagged National Tea Month, tea etiquette, tips for making tea
