Latest "Etiquette Edge" Posts
October 25, 2011
About 15 years ago I was at the orthodontist for an evaluation of my mouth. At the time, my regular dentist had some concerns and sent me off to see a specialist. My concerns were how much pain I would endure—both physically and financially!
When the orthodontist indicated how much the treatment would cost (the price of a small car!) I laughed and giggled at his humor. I really thought he was joking. In my mind, the most I expected to pay was $5,000!
When the orthodontist realized that I thought he was joking he began again, this time more earnestly. “Seriously” he said, “Yes, it will cost as much as a small car—around $25000.”
I could not even fathom that amount and I left his office with the funny story tucked under my arm. The price of a small car? Really? Several months went by before I knew I had to take his advice more seriously. I began the task of planning of how I was going to make it happen.
Eight six-hour appointments and many one hour and two-hours appointments later and…oh.. $30000 later… I now have beautiful teeth that are still my own and don’t present problems when I chew. Am I happy I did it? Yes. That’s why I’m the one you’ll see brushing her teeth in the public washroom after a meal, at a conference, or at a meeting if snacks were served! Do I have guidance on that? Yes, I do! (And it could save you a bunch of money!)
- Always carry a toothbrush and toothpaste with you. This is easier, of course, if you are a woman with a handbag or a person with a brief case. (I always have a backup in the glove box).
- After brushing and rinsing and putting away your tools, take a paper towel or hand towel and wipe out the sink. It’s the right thing to do.
And a big thank you to all you the women who have found me brushing my teeth in the ladies room and rooted me on. Dental hygiene rocks!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged dental etiquette, brushing your teeth
October 11, 2011
Have you ever flown Air Pacific? Aren’t they wonderful? I could not believe the legroom and the service. The flight attendees were incredible. Not only did they perform their tasks well, but they were so genuine and warmly authentic. I felt like I could not have been in better hands.
The challenge—and of course there has to be challenge—was one or two other fellow passengers. Although I hesitate to hold them responsible because, lets face it, who teaches people how to behave on an airplane? There’s no real manual, and some of us don’t go out of our own “zone” long enough to look around.
As we rush along the aisle, hoping the queue will not be too long, I wonder how many of us give thought to the bathroom etiquette that we should observe as we relieve ourselves at thirty thousand feet.
Here are some recommendations I put together. It’s a bit of a “how to” for restroom etiquette on an airplane.
When using the restroom on a plane:
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- Use the seat cover that is provided. It’s there to protect your health and the health of your fellow air travel mates. Pull gently on it so that just one cover comes out, rather than half a dozen. If more come out of the package, discard them in the wastebasket. Please don’t leave on the floor! It’s not pleasant to be walking around with a toilet cover stuck to your shoe!
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- Close the lid of the toilet before flushing. (We can tell if you have done this, as the lid should be closed when the next person arrives in the washroom.) During turbulence, liquid can easily splash up onto the seat—and sitting down on that does not make for a pleasant experience for anyone! This also keeps the water from being splashed onto the seat when you brush your teeth or wash your hands in the sink.
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- Always, always, always drain your water from the sink. After you have dried your hands (taking 1 or 2 towelletes) give the sink a quick wipe. Flight attendants simply cannot clean up after each person. And thank goodness for that otherwise it might take us even longer to get to use the washroom.
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- If you spray on the mirror while brushing your teeth wipe it up with a towellete with clean water. Trust me it will work like a charm.
- If you pull out too many towellettes, place the extras on the counter. If they end up on the floor, please toss them in the garbage. They are definitely not suitable to use.
During a long trip a nasty bathroom does nothing to perk the spirit up. Basic bathroom etiquette demands at the very minimum you clean up after yourself. If something splashes, wipe it up. If something drops, toss it out. Leave the tiny space the way you found it – or better!
Photo credit: eyeliam
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Posted by Margaret in Etiquette Tips
October 5, 2011
Growing up, I’m sure your mother told you to cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough, right? And what did you do? You coughed into your hand, didn’t you?
While coughing into your hand might stop the person directly in front of you from being assaulted with your germs, it’s likely that you will spread those germs to others the minute you touch a door knob or shake someone’s hand.
Proper cough etiquette involves turning your head and coughing—or sneezing–into a tissue, or the inside of your elbow if a tissue is not available.
To help stop the spread of germs, during the cold and flu season, here are a few simple respiratory etiquette tips in mind:
- Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue when you cough or sneeze.
- If you don’t have a tissue, cough or sneeze into your elbow, not into your hands.
- When you blow your nose, throw away the tissue and wash your hands immediately.
- DON’T touch your face (nose, ears, eyes, mouth) with your hands – this minimizes the chance of getting sick!
- Wash your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds.
- Carry a hand sanitizer for times when you don’t have access to soap and water.
When it comes to respiratory etiquette, a few good manners are good for everyone. Stay well!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged cold and flu manners, cough etiquette, respiratory etiquette
September 26, 2011
I’m thrilled to be traveling with my grandson this week! We’re sailing away on Disney Wonder to the port of Los Angeles. It’s always such a joy to spend time with my young grandson–seeing life through the eyes of a child. Everything is such a wonder!
The Disney line of ships are, of course, very kid-friendly, but they are also very sophisticated in design. Disney does a great job of creating an environment and atmosphere that appeals to both young and old. “Sleekness with a touch of fun.”
The cruise ships are getting bigger and bigger these days. The Disney Wonder accommodate up to 2700 people! That’s a lot of sun bathers and dinner guests!
With 2700 people geared up for a week of adventure at sea, there’s bound to be a few that forget the good manners they practice at home. It’s easy to get carried away when you’re feeling carefree, isn’t it?
Here are a guide to good manners so you don’t forget the three “C’s” at sea.
Don’t be a chaise hog. No matter what cruise ship I am on, there are always those invisible cadre of early risers who pile their belongings on lounge chairs on the pool deck to “save” them for later. If you aren’t using the chairs, please leave them available for others.
Follow the dress code. Refer to your ship’s daily program for appropriate attire for the evening’s activities. They will typically provide dining options for those who are keeping it casual for the cruise. If it’s formal wear–don’t show up for dinner in sweats and sneakers.
Mind you children. Even though Disney is family-friendly, that doesn’t mean that children should have full reign of the ship! Besides the fact that it’s unsafe to let kids run around the pool deck or play on the elevators, it interferes with the enjoyment of other passengers. Kids can have fun, safely, and still use the good manners they use at home!
Take your turn. Be considerate of others at the gym and spa. Wipe down the exercise equipment after your workout and don’t extend your stay if others are waiting in line.
Be patient. Disembarking the ship can be a little overwhelming, but it’s something you can’t avoid when cruising. When waiting in line to go ashore, be patient. Don’t be in such a hurry that you compromise the safety of the other passengers.
Don’t complain. With so many people on board, you’re bound to wait in line at guest services for things like cashing a travelers checks or booking shore excursions. Instead of whining and complaining–which no one wants to listen to, anyway– why not strike up a conversation with a guest while you wait. People from all over the world are on board your ship and you might find a new friend while you wait. Besides, you’re on vacation so relax and go with the flow!
Let consideration, courtesy and civility be your guide as you sail the open seas!
photo credit: davecobb
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette
September 19, 2011
Whether or not you are successful as a guest at a cocktail party is largely a matter of choice. These choices include the effort you put into preparing for the party; researching who will be in attendance; and what you will be doing at the party. These choices make an incredible difference to how you are perceived and received. Knowing key distinctions in the area of cocktail etiquette could mean the difference between being in the winning circle or looking in from the outside. Take a cue from role models Sarah and Nick…
Sarah RSVPs within 24 hours of receiving her invitation. The day before the party she picks out her clothes. As this is a business function, she decides on a classic black dress, not too flirty but one that shows a bit of panache.
She feels relaxed on the day of the party because she did her research. This will help with small talk and business networking. She knows the type of guests that will be in attendance, why she was invited and what opportunities she has to network on her company’s behalf.
Sarah arrives at the party on time and while there, she eats lightly and limits herself to just one drink. Her goal is to “schmooze” gracefully. She holds a glass of white wine by the stem in her left hand so that her right hand is free to shake hands and greet others.
This partygoer is graceful and this demonstrates confidence – both business and social. She understands that guests are supposed to mix and mingle and she does so with aplomb. She stays long enough to make the contacts that she intended to make, but not too long as to overstay her welcome. She remembers to say “goodbye” and thanks the host twice: once at the party and once more in a handwritten thank you note, delivered within 24 hours of the party.
Sarah made a great impression on the other guests. Her refined conduct and networking ability helped her to make some excellent business contacts. These contacts are important for developing new business relationships and nurturing additional business opportunities.
Nick was at the same party. He arrived late, and turned some partygoers off with his loud clothes and even louder demeanor. He brought a date and camped out near the food and drink table. He even asked the house staff for a special request.
Everyone remembered him as the loud guy who drank too much. Months later he solicited a potential client who also happened to be at that party. The guest remembered Nick for all the wrong reasons. When Nick contacted him about new business, he responded, “I believe that quality in everything ultimately always costs less. You should have worked on the quality of your manners at the party. I’ve decided to go with another company…”
The golden nugget is this: Do not underestimate how powerful a good image can Whether it’s in the way you dress, how you hold yourself, what you do and do not do—it matters. And also do not underestimate what a poor image—coupled with poor manners–can do to hamper your business efforts.
Let your winning strategy sparkle at any cocktail party by having impeccable manners. The choice to shine, or not, is yours!
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Posted by Margaret in Business Etiquette and tagged party etiquette
September 12, 2011
I was married for 23 years and when I was first separated I felt very uncomfortable about dining alone. Just asking for a “table for one” –never mind sitting alone at the table—was enough to put me into a tizzy. I imagined everyone was looking at me . . . and feeling sorry for me because I was eating ALONE! Even if they weren’t looking, there was this feeling that they were.
In those days I opted to eat alone at home instead, but as I needed to travel more, I had just two choices: eat in a restaurant or go hungry! At times I would have been better off to go hungry. Sometimes I just felt so out of place.
May I Serve You?
I’ve discovered that restaurants typically take two approaches to single women, if it’s not business as usual. Either women alone are seated at a poor table, or they are treated extremely well.
In many restaurants, if you’re a woman dining alone and you ask for the table by the window–you’re certain to be told that it’s reserved. On those occasions when you discover one of those restaurants that DO treat solo diners well, you’ll find that they go out of their way to make you feel more comfortable–even bringing you the latest newspaper to read! (Now THIS is a place I’m telling my women friends about because that’s what we do – share information!)
Do’s and Do’s of Dining Alone
Here are a few do’s for dining alone to help ease any discomfort:
- Do call and make a reservation (even for one!). Request a table with a view of the room (not hidden away in a corner by the kitchen!)
- Do bring along your iPad (I do!) or Kindle. It’s a great time to read or write.
- Do dress up. Even though you’re not accompanied by a date, you can still show it off! It feels good to look good!
- From time to time it’s OK to look at other diners …. And even smile!
- Do leave your cell phone in the car or turned off in your handbag. Enjoy your own company. And let others around you enjoy their conversations without listening to you chatting on the phone. They say if you can’t have a romantic dinner by yourself than you can’t have one with someone else either!
- Eat slowly. Take your time and enjoy the evening. How often do you get uninterrupted reflection time?
The last piece of advice is this: “Remember the tip – and make it a good one.”
People that work in restaurants claim that men are better tippers. My friend Heather thinks women are just more practical. We can’t be swayed by a great set of legs! I think women are really just better at gauging how well wait staff are doing. If we tip well, we are fans, and we will tell everyone we know—probably for years and years!
Are you a woman who dines out alone? Do you have any tips you can share that will help others feel more comfortable? Share in the comments below!
Bon appétit!
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Posted by Margaret in Dining Etiquette and tagged dining etiquette, restaurant etiquette, women dining alone
September 2, 2011
What is the difference between wine tasting and wine drinking?
Wine tasting is conducted with the objective of discovering more about a particular wine, its wine maker, the area where the grapes were grown, and so on.
Wine drinking is what we do when we drink wine to enhance the foods we eat.
Whether you’re attending a wine tasting event or celebrating with friends over a meal at home, it’s important to know the basics of wine etiquette.
- Don’t wear scents or perfumes when attending a wine tasting. Perfumes can compromise what you can smell and learn about a wine.
- Ladies, remove lipstick (with a tissue, not a linen napkin) before tasting wine. The lipstick itself can affect the taste of the wine, plus removing it prevents having to scrub the edge of delicate wine glasses to clean them.
- Hold wine glasses by the stem, not the bowl. This allows you to view and swirl the wine properly. Additionally, the heat from your hands changes the temperature of the wine.
- If you’re tasting a range of wines, begin with light bodied wines and progress to full bodied wines.
- It is improper to voice your opinion about a wine while others are in the process of tasting. Best to walk away from other tasters before discussing the qualities of the wine you liked or disliked.
- If you are tasting wine in a restaurant, ask the wait staff to simply pour it.
- Use glasses of an adequate size to properly access the wines nuances.
- Serve wine at the temperatures recommended by industry standards for that particular type of wine.
- Many restaurants will allow you to taste a wine before you order it if you are buying by the glass. (The bottle is usually already open.)
- If your guests have consumed too much wine, don’t let them drive their cars.
- If you’re bringing wine as a gift for a dinner party, don’t expect to drink it that evening. The hostess has probably already selected wines that are good pairings with the food. Instead, present the wine as a gift for the hosts to share on another occasion.
“Wine is bottled poetry.” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
photo credit: nessguide
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Posted by Margaret in Dining Etiquette and tagged wine etiquette
August 29, 2011
Proper manners—the art of practicing good social graces—transcend beyond dry land with something salty dogs call “boating etiquette.” Whether you’re going out on the water for an afternoon of sailing, or for a weekend of sea-faring adventures, the first rule of thumb when you’re a guest on someone’s boat is that the captain (or the skipper) is boss. His boat. His rules. Here are some more tips to ensure you’ll get invited back the next time the boat leaves the dock:
- Ask permission before boarding. When boarding a boat, always ask permission from the person onboard first. “Permission to come aboard” is a standard, and appreciated, boater’s courtesy.
- Buy the fuel. If you’re an invited guest, you should offer to pay for the cost of the fuel. It’s the least you can do and will show your gratitude for being invited along for the ride.
- Don’t show up empty-handed. You can bet your host was at the dock before sunrise readying the boat for the journey. Offer to bring along lunch for everyone. Your skipper will appreciate having one less thing to prepare.
- Pack light, but smart. Bring the minimum amount of clothing for the climate—to conserve space on the boat—but be prepared. Sunscreen, sunglasses, sea sickness medication, a waterproof jacket, non-slip footer, and a warm sweater should be on your list.
- Play it safe. Be sure you know the “rules” of the boat. If you’re captain doesn’t tell you where the safety vests are, ask. And don’t mess with the dials, buttons, gauges, radios, or anything that even resembles an electronic instrument used to keep the boat afloat.
- Help the skipper. Help the skipper only if given specific instructions. This is not the time to improvise.
- Stay out of the way. Use common sense here. The captain has a lot to think about—traffic, weather, waves, the best place to find fish—A boat is a small space, so stay out of the way when you need to.
- Ask before you “go.” Before you use the “head,” get proper operating instructions. No two marine heads operate alike and a clog caused by excessive amounts of toilet tissue can be expensive (and messy!) In some boats, “if it did not go in your mouth it does not go in the head,” so it’s better to ask first!
- Quiet down. If you’re a nighthawk, and you’re spending the night at sea with friends, be sure to keep the noise to a minimum after the “early-to-bed” guests have turned in for the night.
- Keep it clean. Another no-brainer here, but “If you make a mess, clean it up,” or you’re likely to be removed from the captain’s guest list the next time he sets sail. Be sure to dispose of the trash AFTER you dock.
- Don’t rock the boat. Wait until the boat has docked to gather your personal items and make your way off the boat. The sudden shift can distract the captain as he is trying to dock.
Within 24 hours of returning to shore, be sure to send a personalized thank-you note to your captain. It’s not only good etiquette, it will keep you in the captain’s good graces the next time he’s looking for a shipmate!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged boat etiquette
August 20, 2011
Funerals and memorial services are a way for families and friends to honor the deceased and acknowledge a sense of loss. Because there is such emotion involved, attending a funeral can be uncomfortable for some people. Not knowing what to say or do—and what to wear—can add to the stress of the day.
Although customs will vary, depending on location and religion, the following tips can be used as a basic guideline for what to expect:
To Go or Not to Go
A funeral or memorial service for a loved one is a public event and typically anyone who knew the deceased—close family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances—are welcome to attend. If a private service is planned, you will be notified of the details. If you can attend, do. The family will appreciate your presence and support.
What to Wear
Funerals and memorial services are somber occasions and conservative (somber) clothing is appropriate:
- Men: Dark suit or dark pants and jacket
- Women: A dark dress or dark suit
What to Send
Sending a sympathy card, or a personal note, is an appropriate gesture. Choose a card that is in good taste and reflects your relationship to the family.
When someone passes away, it’s very common to send flowers to the bereaved. You can send them to the family’s home or directly to the funeral home.
Keep in mind that:
- Baskets of flowers or plants of any kind are fine
- Floral wreathes and crosses are typically sent by a group as they are usually bigger and more involved
- Close family typically provides casket arrangements and it’s not appropriate to buy this type of arrangement without discussing with the family first.
Often, families request that donations be made to a specific charity in memory of the deceased, in lieu of sending flowers. If you choose to make a donation, make sure that the charity has the name and address of the bereaved family so they can be notified that a donation was made in memory of their loved one.
What to Say to the Bereaved
Expressing sympathy to someone in deep mourning can be difficult. It’s best to keep it short and simple. On arrival, greet the family and briefly offer your condolences.
- Be specific when offering any help. Offer to help with childcare, make dinner, or run errands, for example.
- Avoid claiming that you know how someone feels. Simply let them know that you’re thinking of them.
- Don’t bring up spirituality.
What to Do If
You may be asked to serve as pallbearers or ushers at the service.Here’s what to expect:
Pallbearers: Pallbearers carry or escort the coffin to the burial place. During the service, you will sit at the front, just behind the family. If you are asked to be a pallbearer and are not comfortable carrying the coffin, you may be able to escort it instead.
Ushers: Ushers help escort mourners to their seats before the service. Always try to seat those with the closest relationship to the deceased nearest to the front. Ushers themselves can sit wherever they choose once the ceremony starts.
Eulogies: You may be asked to give a eulogy at the service. If you are not comfortable doing so (or too upset), it’s perfectly okay to decline. If you do decide to say a few words, keep these tips in mind:
- A eulogy is just 2 – 10 minutes long
- Plan what you are going to say before you arrive
- Have someone review your words beforehand
- Share how you knew the deceased, and don’t speak only about your relationship with him or her
- Emphasize the deceased’s best qualities
No one likes to think about death or funerals, but unfortunately it’s a part of life. Even though common sense and good discretion are always the best guides to proper funeral etiquette, knowing what to expect, in itself, can be a comfort. Hopefully these tips helped!
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Posted by Margaret in Everyday Etiquette and tagged funeral etiquette
August 15, 2011
I was recently asked to contribute to a CTV report on tipping etiquette. One of the questions that came up was around self-service restaurants or coffee shops—such as Starbucks Tim Hortons—and whether to tip or not to tip. In my opinion, if you have to wait in line to place an order, vs. sitting down at a restaurant and being served, there should not be an expectation to pay the same gratuity. It’s an entirely different business model.
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Posted by Margaret Page in Etiquette Edge
