Latest "A Page of Insight" Posts
October 30, 2011
Sometimes, a chance encounter with a truly remarkable person can transform the way you see yourself and the way you engage with the world around you.
Case in point: I recently took my very active six-year-old grandson, Gavin, on a Disney cruise. We were both so excited about this adventure, and I hoped we would create some wonderful memories together… but I had no idea about the lessons that awaited me on board that ocean liner.
On our first evening at sea, we headed toward the dining room for our evening meal. Just ahead of us, we noticed an older gentleman in a wheelchair, surrounded by his wife and four grown grandchildren. For a brief moment, I worried about how Gavin would respond to someone in a wheelchair; children can be so innocently curious.
A moment later, I realized I had no reason for concern. With a smile and a wave, Gavin and Sam became instant friends.
“Hey,” Sam said in a conspiratorial whisper, “reach into my backpack. There’s something special in there for you.”
Gavin looked up at me, wondering if this was really okay. I nodded to him with an encouraging smile, so he carefully unzipped the bag and peered inside. His eyes grew wide with delight. Inside the bag were hundreds of colorful pins, each one an animated Disney character.
“Go ahead, choose one,” Sam said. “You can start a collection!” Gavin selected a Mickey Mouse with shiny yellow ears, and by the way he held it in his palm, you would have thought it was pure gold. He was beside himself with joy. When I glanced at Sam, I saw he was equally delighted. Gavin must have thanked him five times. As we parted ways, all three of us were grinning from ear to ear.
The following night was “pirate night” on the ship, and all the guests were dressed accordingly. Gavin sported a Mickey Mouse cap with a pirate scarf, a big hoop earring, and a plastic hook to hide his hand. Feeling a little silly, I gamely wore a patch over one eye.
On our way to dinner, we ran into Sam again. Was he a sight see! The man was dressed in full pirate regalia: ragged cut-off pants, a scarf on his head tied rakishly to one side, and enough black eye makeup to make Johnny Depp proud. In the one hand, he carried a pole with a toy parrot perched on top, and his wheelchair bore a skull-and-crossbones flag draped across the back. From head to toe, Sam was dressed to the nines.
“Ahoy, mate,” he called out to Gavin, with a sideways smirk and a squint in his eye. “Ready to git some grub?”
“Aye aye, Captain,” Gavin crowed with a grin. He had been practicing his pirate-speak all afternoon.
“Well then, I’ll hold back the land lubbers; you and your beautiful lass go on ahead.” I felt myself blush. Next to Sam, I felt so boring in my simple eye patch. I realized I had not really committed myself to the fun!
As the evening progressed, Gavin and Sam’s laughter could be heard throughout the dining room. These newfound friends were having an evening to remember, while I sat quietly at my table, wondering, “How come he’s in a wheelchair, but I’m the one feeling handicapped?”
That night, as I lay in bed, I pondered this question deeply. Sam’s joyful way of being was a teaching, and I was determined to learn from it.
The next day, as we made our way down a corridor, Sam came whizzing by. “Let’s race!” he yelled over his shoulder, and Gavin took off with squeals of laughter, trying his best to catch his new friend. When I finally caught up with them, Gavin was breathing heavily, a giant grin spread across his rosy little cheeks.
In that moment, I realized Sam had become the highlight of our cruise. No luxury ship or sumptuous meal could compete with the sheer joy he exuded.
In the days and weeks that followed, I thought a lot about Sam.
• He knew the joy of giving with a glad heart.
• He showed us that participating fully is living life to the fullest.
• He knew how to make his own fun, regardless of the circumstances.
What began as an adventure for my grandson turned out to be a poignant experience for us both – an important course in the School of Life. I am so grateful for this chance encounter, and so glad we were open to the experience.
Questions to Consider:
1. When in public, are you open to interactions with strangers?
2. Are you less available to those who are physically or mentally challenged?
3. What can you do to bring more fun and joy to everyday moments?
Remember: life is what you make of it. An open mind and an engaging heart make the world more magical, for everyone. Learn to be more spontaneous and joyful, no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Fun is the spice of life!
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
September 15, 2011
In a recent survey of 26,000 mothers, Parenting.com revealed that 90 percent of moms admit to judging other parents. From how a child behaves to the foods they eat, our parenting is under intense scrutiny – but none so intense as the harsh reviews we give ourselves.
Yes, parents are critical of each other, but I suspect we are much harder on ourselves – and not just in the early years. Whether our kids are babies or adults, we tend to critique ourselves mercilessly.
I just yelled at Johnny. I should have handled that situation with patience and self-control.
I won’t be home until 7:00 p.m. – again. I’m neglecting my family.
I shouldn’t (insert favourite vice here) in front of the kids. I’m setting a bad example.
These moments of self-doubt and internal critiquing can be helpful at best, and draining and demoralizing at their worst.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Because we really want to excel at parenting. We want our children to be happy, healthy and successful. We want to give them every possible advantage before we set them loose in a hyper-competitive world. We want to look back and feel good about our parenting decisions, and the outcomes that resulted. And, we really don’t want to screw up one of our biggest assignments in life.
My children are now grown, but I still find myself judging my parenting. Am I giving the right amount of guidance? Does she want me to ask so many questions? Should I be more involved?
We all want to be “good” parents… but, here’s the critical question: How do you know if you’re a “good” parent? What are the rules of the game?
The undeniable truth is that many of our parenting standards were inherited from our own parents.
Mother never yelled at her kids.
Father always came home by 5:00.
Whether you accept these old-time ideals, reject them entirely, or modify them to suit your own modern life is entirely up to you.
More often than not, we unconsciously accept them. They run on auto-pilot, in the background. Unless we deliberately examine them and determine whether we want to live that way, we tend to measure ourselves and our parenting behaviours against our parents’ style.
BUT! Mother never had to compete with an iPod to be heard, and Father never faced an hour-long commute through gridlock traffic. The standards that your parents lived by may not be appropriate for the fast-paced, technology intensive, urban jungle life that you live in today.
Try telling that to your subconscious mind. It doesn’t care. It’s too busy watching reruns of your childhood.
For the sake of your sanity and inner peace, I strongly encourage you to explore the parenting rules and guidelines you measure yourself against every day.
As you move through the day, listen closely to your internal parenting dialogue. Do you criticize yourself? Do you think negative thoughts about your decisions, habits or circumstances?
Are your parenting goals realistic? Can you really be a bottomless well of focused, positive energy? Of course not! There will be times when you blow a gasket, snap in frustration, or fail to show up on time. And that’s ok! You’re human. There is no need to beat yourself up for those moments when you aren’t at your best.
Here’s what’s important:
Explore your personal standards. Brainstorm your “rules of good parenting,” and shift these goals from your subconscious mind into conscious commitments. Does your parenting style reflect your deepest values? What do health, safety, and manners mean to YOU? What does “being involved in your child’s life” really look like, given your child’s age and your other commitments? Keep a running list of the marks you aim for and adjust them as often as you want.
When you make sure your standards are your own – consciously crafted, not unconsciously adopted from generations past – you become the architect of your own life… and of generations to come.
Questions to Consider:
1. What makes me feel like a “good” and successful parent?
2. What values do I want to exhibit in my parenting?
3. What makes me feel bad as a parent?
4. Do I allow myself lapses? How do I judge myself when they occur? With patience and understanding, or with frustration and intolerance?
5. What do kids need and want from me?
Take a few minutes to brainstorm your answers… but when you’re done, don’t tuck them away. This is a working document, one you can use as a “parenting blueprint” as the years go by. When you craft your own framework of parenting guidelines, you empower yourself to be the parent you always wanted to be.
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
May 2, 2011
We’ve all heard about “the guy who can’t commit” and the crazy old aunt who “really should be committed,” but beyond the jokes and stereotypes, what does the word commitment mean to you?
It seems each person has their own relationship to that word: our understanding of it, our willingness to engage in it, even the level of commitment to our commitments varies widely from one person to the next.
So, I ask you again: What does commitment mean to you? It’s an important question to ask, because how you feel about your commitments has a lot to do with the outcome – not to mention quality of life!
Here’s what I mean:
Define: commitment
1. Feeling dedication and loyalty to a cause, activity, or job; wholeheartedly dedicated
2. To bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge: to commit oneself to a promise
These two definitions are both correct… but they feel very different, don’t they? The first seems inspired, voluntary and willing; it is focused and energizing. The second feels heavy with obligation, requiring courage and strength to fulfill a promise. Ugh.
Which definition fits with your understanding of commitment? Do you feel dedicated… or obligated?
Many people hesitate to really commit to what they want, because they’re afraid that if they do, they will be obligated to a promise. What if you can’t keep that promise? What if you truly commit yourself to something… and fail? That kind of relationship to commitment isn’t inspiring; it’s heavy.
For a commitment to feel good, it has to be a challenge you deem worthy, a vision or goal you genuinely aspire to – not something you “should” or “have to” do. This makes all the difference between having to push yourself to honor your commitments, and feeling pulled to step up for them.
That said, even the most compelling commitments … the ones you really feel good about … can sometimes be difficult to honor over time. Sooner or later, many commitments fall prey to the vicious attack of the “Yeah, But.” This quiet traitor shows up every time you feel your commitment waver, and sometimes it brings along its little sister, “Just This Once.” Together they pry open the Door of Doubt.
Did you know that doubt is an opposing force of commitment? As soon as it creeps in, it eats away at commitment, quiet dissolving your resolve from the dark corners of your mind.
That’s why it’s so important to make commitments that feel really good to you, ones that align with your core values, and support your dreams and goals. This makes it so much easier to stay committed, because only one path is the clear path forward. Perhaps Rollo May said it best: “Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt, but in spite of doubt.” That’s when you know you’re on the right track.
As so many struggling dieters, divorcees, and relapsing addicts will tell you, making a commitment is not a fail-proof security system – because people are not fail proof. So, it is important to understand that commitment is not a promise to be 100% perfect. It’s about wholeheartedly striving for something that’s important to you, without reservation, and in spite of the challenges you encounter along the way. As Epicurus said, “A captain earns his reputation during the storms.”
“Can you commit to that?” 3 Principles of Commitment
Commitment is like glue, holding together the many pieces of your creation: desire, vision, resources, plans, time and action. Here are a few more factors to keep in mind:
1. Genuine commitment stands the test of time. (Even if you have to re-commit along the way.)
2. In relationships, commitment is a two-way street. You only get it if you are willing to give it.
3. If you feel trapped in your commitment, you will (consciously or unconsciously) look for ways to escape.
Remember: every significant decision is a reflection of your commitments. Look closely, with an honest and open mind, and your deepest commitments will reveal themselves. Are you committed to your freedom, to play, or to feeling responsible? To loyalty? To health? To comfort? Take the time to investigate! This path of inquiry can be immensely helpful… and I promise, all you have to commit is a few minutes.
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
February 20, 2011
If I said that grass is green, or that tree is beautiful, you’d look at me with blank, open acknowledgement… yes, this is true. The grass is green. That tree is great. You probably wouldn’t feel the need to argue if it’s green enough or beautiful enough… you’d likely just nod and accept it.
But, tell a North American woman she is beautiful and in a flash, you will see a gust of feelings cross her face: gratitude, surprise, doubt, disagreement, blushing, looking away, nervousness.
Relaxed acceptance? Not so much.
Why is that? Why can’t we recognize or accept our own natural beauty?
What’s worse, we actively resist it! Women argue for our flaws (oh, I’m too chubby to be beautiful) and compare ourselves to movie stars (I’ll never be a Catherine Hepburn), dismissing our own magnificence with a nod to a digitally-altered poster.
There is something so sad about women habitually denying their own beauty. Women everywhere – the essence of femininity, inherently beautiful and soft and receptive – we are denying ourselves an undeniable birthright: the right to see and appreciate ourselves in all our feminine glory!
Instead, we hold our natural, gorgeous selves up against the impossibly perfect standards of fashion, Photoshop and cosmetology, and instead of feeling naturally glorious, we feel like we never quite measure up.
And the saddest thing about this tendency? It’s occurring on a massive scale.
Women all across North America are united in the belief, “I am not good enough.” Don’t believe it? Check the facts:
• Women use, on average, 12 beauty products every day.
• Three minutes looking at a fashion magazine makes 70% of women, of all ages, feel depressed, guilty and shameful.
• Nine out of 10 girls regularly use cosmetics by age 14.
• The number of women who say they are “sometimes or always on a diet”: college age 91%; high school 40-60%; 9-11 year olds 46%.
• The average North American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 140 lbs. The average model is 5’11” and weighs 115 lbs.
• The amount North Americans spent on cosmetic surgery in 2007: $13 Billion. Estimated cost for basic nutrition and healthcare in developing nations: $13 Billion.)
Take a moment to digest that. The promise of a “better” appearance has us so mesmerized, collectively, that half of our prepubescent girls are actively trying to modify their bodies. Three quarters of women feel genuinely inadequate – within three minutes! – when reading a magazine full of digitally perfected images.
What’s wrong with this picture? A LOT! Clearly, somewhere along the way, we bought into a skewed sense of values, where an artificial sense of beauty can compromise our feeling of worth.
But… WHY?
The Culture of Beauty
The beauty products industry thrives by creating a subtle yet pervasive “culture of dissatisfaction” with ourselves, in our natural state. And this industry has a lot of dollars to drive its agenda:
Hide that flaw! Smooth it, cover it, squeeze it, lift it, accentuate it, minimize it, paint it… whatever it takes, there’s a product for that! (Probably dozens, actually – there’s something for everyone!) When your face and body and hair and clothes are ju-u-u-st right, and you look like this professionally staged, expertly Photoshopped picture… then (maybe) you’ll feel pretty.
When we’re exposed to hundreds of subliminal messages like these every day, is it any wonder why we have trouble accepting our own inherent beauty?
Isn’t it the ultimate irony when a magazine full of “be yourself, love who you are” articles is saturated with product advertisements to “improve” yourself?
Listen, I’m not saying we should drop our beauty products and hygiene regimens, and dance like hippies in the fields. But, I do think it’s worth stopping to ask ourselves:
“What does it take for me to feel beautiful? Truly, genuinely beautiful.”
Do you know how you would answer that question? It’s important, because until you do, until you develop an intimate appreciation for yourself, you’re vulnerable to the messages of the media – much more vulnerable than you may suspect.
Case Study: Fiji
I was fortunate to do some work in Fiji last year, and I was deeply touched by the genuine sweetness of the people and their culture, so rich and ancient. Perhaps my fondness for the island made the following situation even more touching.
In the documentary, “America the Beautiful,” Harvard sociologist Dr. Anne Becker discussed her research on the culture of Fiji at a truly pivotal time: the introduction of television. Until 1995, Fijians enjoyed a rich and stable society based on tightly-knit family structures and centuries-old traditions. Large, soft, round women were valued, respected and appreciated as a sign that the tribe and family were doing well.
The fabric of their society was forever changed in 1995 when television was introduced into the Fijian culture. Parents encountered a new level of disrespect from their children as their ancient cultural traditions were repeatedly challenged by the mass media messages on the screen.
One of the most disturbing changes appeared in the behavior of young girls. For the first time, they began to vomit to control their weight. Within only three years, 11 percent of girls had tried this – the same figure we find in major North American cities!
This is direct and compelling, scientifically documented evidence that the mass media is not doing women any favors.
Practicing Acceptance
What kind of place would your head be… if you accepted yourself?
Sit on a bench in a busy public area and take notice of the body shapes that pass by. In no time at all, you’ll notice that everyone is unique – and really, really different! Imagine what it would feel like to have her body, or his… her hair, his limp, those teeth.
Try to find even one person who looks like they stepped out of a fashion magazine. You won’t be able to. Even the one who comes closest would say they don’t measure up.
And yet, every one of us is beautiful – in our own unique way.
Perhaps the deepest beauty is confidence – total self-acceptance and self-ownership… not disowning or hiding your flaws, but showing up fully: here I am. Not “here’s a good presentation of me,” but “this is who I am.”
In the words of famous playwright Eve Ensler, “If we develop the eyes and the spirit to see beauty in a different way, we would see every woman is beautiful.”
On her travels through Africa, she asked a woman in the fields near Nairobi, Kenya, “Do you like your body?”
The woman looked at her as if she could not understand the question. “Do I like my body?! I loooove me body! Look at me hands, and fingers… and my arms, so strong… and my legs, they carry me along….” The delight just flowed out of her! For this woman, in this culture, it is only natural to love and appreciate one’s body. She could not imagine it any other way.
She asked Eve, “Do you think that this tree isn’t beautiful because it doesn’t look like that tree? You’re a tree; I’m a tree. You’ve got to love your tree!”
Such simple wisdom… don’t you think?
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
January 15, 2011
Have you ever noticed…
the twinkling eyes of a child telling a joke…
the smile of a young lady on a first date…
or the sheer delight of an elderly couple on the dance floor?
There’s something so… different… about them. They look so alive! So present and delighted to be in the moment.
Truth be told, this extraordinary state is not just for lovers and dancers, and enchanting little ones… it is our birthright – yours, and mine, and everyone else’s too – IF we claim it.
At a recent social event, I was absolutely fascinated by a vibrant redhead with an infectious smile, a quick laugh and a warm nature. She wasn’t doing or saying anything special – but she was truly enjoying life to the fullest. But she was positively radiant! And magnetic. Everyone wanted to be around her.
“What did she eat this morning?” I wondered. “She’s SO full of life!” As I watched her carefully, I thought, “She practically glows! I want to be that way too….” It was a pivotal moment – the beginning of my journey to a brilliant new me.
I invite you to join me on this quest to live from our own natural brilliance – because somewhere inside each one of us is a light, joyful being who is just waiting for our permission to come out and shine.
So today, I ask you: Are you ready to light up your world?
10 Tips to Polish the 10-Carat Sparkle in YOUIf your inner light is feeling a little dim (and yes, it happens to all of us from time to time), just remember to ask yourself: WHY SPARKLE?
W: Why NOT?! What could possibly be more important than being a bright light in the world? All those worrisome thoughts that bounce between your ears… are they really significant enough that you would trade your sparkle for them? If you lighten up, you’ll brighten up.
H: Honor yourself with healthy habits, so you can grow stronger and healthier day by day. If you think of yourself as a lighthouse, you’ll quickly recognize that it takes a solid structure and a lot of energy to keep your bright light shining for all to see.
Y: Yes… just say YES! The more you allow, the less you resist – and the less you resist, the happier you become. Do a little experimenting; you’ll feel the difference!
S: Self-esteem breeds confidence, and confidence is critical to being a bright, joyful presence in the world. Lift yourself up with positive self talk – every day – and take credit for your unique contribution to the world.
P: Persist – especially on the days you think you’ll never shine again. We all have times when we feel dull and flat, but with persistence, we realize we have the ability to shift – and sparkle at will. Now, that’s a skill worth developing, don’t you think?
A: Awareness of your impact on others makes it easier it is to show up in all your brilliance. When you realize that others get a lift from your light, joyful nature, it’s like watching your spark move out into the world. It grows exponentially, in you and everyone around you.
R: Reflect on the idea that that every single person on earth has their own unique spark within. What can you do to call it to the surface, both in yourself and in others? How can you reflect someone’s light back to them, so they recognize their own brilliance?
K: Kindness is a universal bridge between people of all ages, cultures, and creeds. A genuine smile, a kind word, or a little assistance is all it takes. And the best part? It benefits you as much as the other person. Kindness can make anyone’s spirit sparkle.
L: Laugh! Giggle! Grin. It’s one of the main ways people bond, lifting our spirits, warming our hearts and brightening our faces. Look for humor in the littlest things, and learn to laugh at yourself. Life doesn’t have to be so serious!
E: Enthusiasm greases every wheel, so it really pays to bring more of it into your everyday life. Enjoy what you’re doing – even if you have to fake it ‘til you make it. The energy of enthusiasm is infectious, calling others to join you in a richer experience of life. And besides that, it’s FUN!
Haven’t we all had enough of dumpy, drab and dry? It’s been a tough few years for so many of us, but it’s time to come back to life. Please join me in making this year ahead a brighter one for us all.
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
May 15, 2010
Are you familiar with the legend of Phoenix? In these turbulent times that we all seem to be going through, I think of it often – the mythological symbol of rebirth, resilience, pride and self-determination.
As the story is told, a single phoenix (a large and stunningly beautiful bird) lives in Arabia for 500 years. At the end of that era, it burns itself and its nest in a great rush of fire. A new phoenix, even more magnificent than the last, always rises from the ashes.
All around us, so much is going up in flames: retirement plans, college funds, home equity… relationships, dreams, even identities. This heat is intense, and many people are feeling burned. Whether we like it or not, this is a time of intense and rapid change. But I can’t help thinking that something magnificent will soon rise from the ashes we see today.
There’s something about difficult times that inspire us to take greater action than we might otherwise. Some of the world’s greatest success stories started in the ashes of an epic failure. The Rockefellers, the Kennedys, even the Obamas captured enormous victories because they dared to build something new in a time of crisis.
Each one of us has this ability deep inside, a committed, no-nonsense side that’s made of courage, and vision, and values. It’s from that place that we create our own personal masterpieces.
In turbulent times, it’s easy to forget that we each have this capacity to create, but with every thought, every word, every decision and every action, we are weaving the future.
Now, more than ever, it’s important to ask ourselves: What do I really want to create NOW? How do I want to shape the future? Whether you take a baby step or a big, bold one, you choose the direction you go.
So, if you could recreate your life, any way you want, what would you create? It’s an important question to ask… because you can. Starting now.
I once attended an event where the hostess pulled out a measuring tape and stretched it across the middle of the room. When she reached 75 inches, she said, “This represents our average lifespan.
“Now, find your age on this tape and take a look at where you are in life. How much time is behind you? More importantly, how much lies ahead? And how are you going to spend the time that you have left?”
No matter what lies behind you, turn your eyes to the future. Dare to live your passions and your values. Dare to dream, and dare to take action. Dare to be a Phoenix.
As a Coach, I recommend:
As you ponder your course through these times of turbulence and change, here are some things to consider:
- Which values do you want to live more of?
- Which needs, when met, help you be at your best?
- Which supportive, stimulating people do you want to surround yourself with?
- What do you need to in order to maintain your confidence, energy and joy?
- What do you want to influence people about?
- Where do you need support?
If any of these questions make you want to dig a little deeper, consider using a self-coaching guide, like the Mapping Your Path workbook, or engaging the support of a coach. With the right questions, insights and support, there’s no telling how bright your future could be.
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
May 3, 2010
Once you decide to work with a professional life or business coach, the next step is to find the right coach for you. Where do you start? What do you ask? And how will you know when you find the right one?
When you find the coach that is right for you, your path suddenly becomes an adventure. With insightful questions and perceptive observations, a coach can guide you through inspiring moments and groundbreaking realizations. Without a doubt, a coach can change your world.
So how do you find “your” coach? What’s the fastest, easiest way to make a great match? How do you get from Point A (“I need a great coach”) to Point B (“I’m working with the most amazing coach”)?
To get started, do your research. Read about coaching on the Web and in the press. Talk with those you trust and ask for referrals. Ask friends and family members about their own experiences with coaches. And every step of the way, listen to your intuition. What sounds attractive? What resonates with you, or turns you off? These are clues to the kind of person you want to work with.
Today, many coaches profile their services on the Internet and offer some information about their background and experience. Some include a photo of themselves. As you explore and absorb this information, pay attention to how you feel. Listen to your heart as well as your head. Does this person resonate with you? Could you open up with this person?
Most coaches will give a free introductory session, so use this time to explore how the two of you relate. Ultimately, you’re looking for a coach who will really work to understand you, acknowledge your accomplishments, and support your growth. This is going to be someone who can (and will!) show you how to stretch in new ways. Why? Because you can!
It is important to select and interview at least three coaches before making your decision. Before you conduct these interviews, take some time to get clear on the following points:
- What do you want to use your coach for?
- Does it matter whether it is a male or female coach?
- What background would you like your coach to have?
- What do you expect from your coach?
- What about you would be helpful for the coach to know in working with you?
During the interview, be sure to address the following points:
- Tell me about your coaching practice/business.
- How long have you been coaching?
- Describe the characteristics of clients who relate best with you.
- What is your specialty or niche?
- Tell me about your background and experience. How does that relate to my goals?
- If I selected you to be my coach, what would we start working on first?
The coach you select will be your own personal guide to the life you really want to live, so stay with the process until you find someone you genuinely feel excited to work with. When you do, then you’ll know – you’ve found the coach for you.
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
December 15, 2009
I have a very important question for you: Are you living a passionate life?
When the word passion comes up, most people think of romantic passion… but that’s not what I’m talking about.
Passion, in the broader sense of the word, is the deep inner drive to reach for what you love. It’s an energy, so personal and powerful that it’s often hard to describe. But it’s definitely not hard to feel.
Passion makes us come alive! It engages our hearts, minds, and spirits. It gives us a sense of vitality and joy, even a sense of purpose. It makes life more meaningful – and a lot more enjoyable!
But passion isn’t just about having more fun in life. Passion is power! When we feel inspired and excited, we unlock a deep well of creativity, vision and well-being. We become better leaders, more committed partners, more engaged in everything we do.
People thrive on passion. It makes us feel more confident, more authentic, more rooted in integrity. It’s a magical thread that weaves vibrance into every aspect of our lives.
So I ask you again: are you living a passionate life? Here are a few ways to tell.
1. When you sit down at your desk, how do you feel: tired or inspired?
2. When you think about your life, do you knit your bows with worry, or light up with a self-assured smile?
3. If I asked you about your future, would you respond with a vague shrug – or would you tell me about your purpose and aspirations with a contagious burst of confidence and excitement?
Your answers have little to do with your personality, finances, relationships or career… but they have everything to your personal sense of passion.
What makes you light up inside?
If you’re coming up with more question marks than answers, don’t be dismayed. It doesn’t mean you’re lacking passion, it just means you’ve gotten lost in the “doing” of life – paying the bills, doing the chores and handling the upsets. That’s part of life – but that’s not really living.
To get in touch with your passion, you need some quiet time to sit and reflect. With a few questions to guide you and a little support, you’ll have your ah-ha moments in no time.
Think about it…
• When do you feel like you’re really expressing who you are?
• What makes you lose track of time or feel “in the zone”?
• If you had all the time and money in the world, how would you spend them?
These are the kinds of questions that reveal what’s really important to us.
I recently had the pleasure and privilege of working with a “Passion Mapping” coach to explore my own passions. Without revealing too many personal details, I can assure you that it was a revealing and rewarding process, one that continues to inspire me every day.
In fact, it resonated so strongly that I became a Passion Map facilitator myself. I am delighted to support others in discovering the key words, concepts and actions that make them hum with excitement, as these are the touchstones that lead people into their most fulfilling life.
If you get the feeling that you could use some support in discovering your unique set of passions, please don’t hesitate to contact me to learn more about the Passion Mapping process.
As a Coach, I recommend:
At the beginning of every year, people are often inspired to create New Year’s Resolutions. These resolutions reflect our desire to realign our daily lives, so we can feel more like the person we truly are.
This year, I encourage you to drop any goal that reflects a “should” (I should lose weight, I should stop smoking, I should get out of debt). Instead, create goals that support your passions!
For example, if you love to be creative, resolve to join an art class. If you love to make a difference, resolve to volunteer your time every week. If you love to be around children, resolve to honor that.
When you actively discover and engage your passions, your quality of life increases exponentially. That’s the power of passion.
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
October 30, 2009
A dear friend recently said to me, “Margaret, you can squeeze more into a day than anybody I know. How do you juggle so many things?” Her motherly tone betrayed a certain degree of concern, as if I was surely headed for burnout.
Taking a step back, I could see where she was coming from. I do stay very active, but despite my full schedule, I don’t run on adrenaline or push myself too far.
As much as I wanted to smile sweetly and say, “It’s easy… I have no husband!” I decided to share a bit of wisdom instead.
One of my favourite poems has always been “The Art of Living” by James Michener. It goes like this:
“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labour and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing.”
“He simply pursues his vision of excellence….” What a great line! Isn’t that what life is really all about?
The highest performing people in the world are clearly pursuing a vision of excellence – and in the process, they create remarkable results. When you really focus on and commit to your vision of excellence, work isn’t labour – its progress. Instead of draining you, it excites you. Instead of pushing towards the goal, it feels like you’re being pulled. The goal becomes utterly compelling.
It’s easy to focus and stay engaged in your work when you feel personally committed to, and aligned with, what you’re doing. It’s at this point that massive results become nearly effortless.
THAT is exactly what I want for my life – and for your life too! So let’s take a minute to ask ourselves: how do we develop that relationship to our work? How can we stay focused on a vision of excellence?
Here are eight strategies that will help you master the art of living:
1. Maintain a strong personal foundation – Eat healthy foods, exercise often, sleep well, feed your brain and clear out your emotional baggage. After all, if your foundation isn’t strong, you really can’t build much on top of it, can you?
2. Streamline and optimize your life wherever you can. Stay organized in all parts of your life – clothes, tools, filing, calendar, house, resources, finances, contacts, vehicles, etc. Adjust your processes and work on your habits to make life as effortless as possible.
3. Stick to your strengths – Do you have a solid sense of your own personal strengths? If you haven’t done so yet, take some time to get crystal clear on them. Think about the things that come easily to you, the things that people consistently complement you on. If you struggle with this, ask friends and family for input, or try the free strengths assessment at www.viasurvey.org. Once you know what you’re best suited to do, you can adjust your life to invest more time and attention in those areas.
4. Become a masterful delegator – When you embrace the “stick to your strengths” philosophy, you learn to be on the lookout for the strengths of other people too. If you’re not good at something, or you just don’t like doing it, find someone with a talent for that particular task. Why tie up your own creative energy in something that you’re just not suited to do? My mantra is, “Do it, dump it or delegate it!”
5. Grow your network – Research shows that most millionaires have an extensive database of connections, which positions them as a hub of resources, knowledge, connections and creative ideas. They become “mavens” – people who accumulate knowledge and information in a lot of different areas. Do you know who and where to go to get knowledge or things done well? Continue to develop your network of contacts over time and establish a system to stay in touch with these people. They can make your life much easier!
6. Be a thread follower – Whether you’re reading a book, or having a conversation, or watching a show, or even daydreaming in the shower… if something captures your attention or sparks a question, follow that thread. Make a note, do some research, ask some questions. So many times, by following a thread, a door of opportunity will open up.
7. Know and leverage the power of environments. Thomas Leonard, the founder of personal coaching, described seven environments that have a profound impact on people: physical (home, work, possessions), interpersonal relationships (professional, personal, familial), network of contacts (colleagues, customers, web contacts, circle of influence), nature (seasons, animals, plants, outdoors) and memetic (ideas, events, information, thoughts), yourself (body, talent, heart, spirit, personality), and intangible things like space, values, and energy sources. Explore these aspects of your own life… how can you adjust them so they have a better influence on you?
8. Confidence – When you feel fully committed to the work you are focused on, let that commitment carry you through any shadows of doubt or fear. In other words, feel the fear and do it anyway! If you know you’re on the right track, it won’t be too hard. Just keep your attention on where you want to go.
Each person’s vision of excellence is highly personal. If you encounter those (like my dear friend) who question your pace or commitment, stand up for your vision of excellence, not with righteousness or indignation, but with pride and certainty.
After all, in the art of living, your life is your masterpiece. Make it grand!
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
August 15, 2009
In over 30 years as a businesswoman, I’ve noticed a distinct difference in how men and women approach selling and marketing.
While sales can be challenging for everyone, women seem to have more trouble approaching prospects and asking for business. As a woman, I can sympathize. Hey, we like to be the ones to get approached! But jokes and gender stereotypes aside, women in business are often searching for a marketing and sales model that feels genuine, authentic and natural to them.
No one likes to be pressured by the persuasive tactics of a salesperson, and no one likes to feel like they’re trying to “get something out of” a prospect. There’s a fundamental tension built into the sales process, all based on “what I want from you.”
Many women find this very uncomfortable. For some, they simply won’t engage. They would rather walk away from a deal than pressure the prospect and risk the relationship.
This isn’t the only mental roadblock women in sales struggle with. Just as common are:
- A belief that selling is the same as persuading and manipulating;
- A lack of confidence that stems from lack of sales training and experience;
- Old social standards that encourage women to be passive, feminine and humble, not bold and assertive.
Often, I find myself asking a female coaching client, “What’s more important: you being passive and humble, or your prospect benefiting from your service?” I go on to explain that the best marketers and networkers fuel their sales with this mindset: “I know something that may be valuable to you. Let’s talk more.”
This approach is so clean and pressure-free that it feels very natural and easy. It can even be heartfelt. And it works especially well for women, who are naturally inclined to connect and be supportive.
To move the conversation from Step One to Final Sale, a businesswoman must have a good grasp on her particular sales strengths. After all, we call on several aspects of ourselves to sell – communication, rapport building, empathy and more – and when you figure out what you’re naturally adept at, you can rely on your strengths as the core of your marketing and sales efforts.
For example, someone who has a hard time with face-to-face selling can use their writing skills to launch a publicity campaign. If you hate cold calling (and who doesn’t?), try advertising. If you freeze up at networking events, try an e-mail campaign. If you struggle to write publicity material, do more public speaking.
Which avenues will help you share your gifts, strengths and abilities with your ideal prospects? There are so many ways to promote yourself and your work… if one approach doesn’t feel good, don’t do that! Brainstorm alternatives until you uncover an idea that feels like a good fit for you.
When your sales and marketing approach feels authentic – when it suits your style, fits your personality, and represents you with strength – it generates effortless results. It becomes magnetic to your ideal prospect. And it leads to much more happiness and fulfillment for you.
As a coach, I recommend:
If marketing and selling feel uncomfortable to you, spend some time getting clear on what you bring to the table. What are your skills, competitive advantages and unique aspects? Work on this until you feel clear and solid about what you offer.
Next, make a concerted effort to identify your personal strengths. Because we’re all too close to ourselves to see ourselves clearly, rely on outside sources: ask those who know you best for input, and take a strengths assessment. (You can find a terrific one, for free online at www.viasurvey.org.)
Finally, with this information, ask yourself: what marketing and sales approach works best with my strengths and offerings? What approach best represents what I bring to the table?
Each one of us contributes a unique set of skills, talent and expertise to the marketplace – these are your gifts. Know them, leverage them, work them. That’s why you have them! They are the key to your success.
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Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
Sometimes, a chance encounter with a truly remarkable person can transform the way you see yourself and the way you engage with the world around you.
