Latest "A Page of Insight" Posts
January 28, 2013
Anyone else
have a case of January fever? I absolutely love January because it’s the time of year when people are most willing to take action, make changes, and exercise their ability to shape their lives. There’s a lot of talk about goal setting and resolution making, but I think of January as a lot more than that – it’s a time of visioning, dreaming, planning and manifesting. It’s the month of inspiration and courageous steps forward!
Now, I don’t know about you, but it sure seems to me like 2012 was an extremely challenging year for a lot of people – which, on the flipside, makes this January extra exciting. It’s a fresh start, a new chapter, a chance to turn the page and create from scratch. What a wonderful opportunity!
So if you’re feeling inspired to make this year your best one yet, I want to share a great strategy to help you on your way.
The late, great Earl Nightingale, a pioneer in leadership and self-actualization, suggested a simple yet profoundly effective technique to achieve personal breakthroughs in record time – and I’ll tell you about that in a moment.
But first, it’s important to note that many people will find themselves resisting this strategy. At first glance, it seems too easy, too simple, especially to those of us who tend to struggle and sweat to get what we want.
But, according to Mr. Nightingale, it doesn’t have to be so hard! If you want to achieve a personal breakthrough, all you have to do is this: Turn off the television, the computer, the phone and the radio; silence the distractions and sit quietly at a desk with a pad of paper and a pen. Write your goal or problem at the top of the page. Then, for the next 30 minutes, ask yourself: How can I accomplish this goal or solve this problem in the easiest and fastest way possible?
This is an incredibly powerful way to unlock an unlimited number of ideas. Truth be told, it may become one of the most inspiring and motivational things you do all year! (Trust me on this one… it’s true!)
Now, this may seem like a very simple thing to do – and in fact, it is. However, you may find yourself resisting it. (I’ll admit it… I do!) So, why is that? Well, according to Earl Nightingale, most people would rather do anything in the world than THINK. We would much rather turn on the TV, browse the Internet or chat with a friend, all the while worrying about our challenge instead of taking the time to solve it.
However, this is January – and January fever can burn hot enough to melt that resistance. It’s a breakthrough month! So give yourself the gift of trying this out. Clear your desk, set a timer, sit yourself down, take a deep breath and just begin. If you can get that far, you’ve already done the hardest part. Soon, you will find yourself inspired, thrilled and amazed with the creative ideas that spontaneously appear.
A quick word to the wise: know in advance that many of your ideas will be less than stellar. That’s okay. You’ll toss out many of them; that’s just part of the process. Write them down anyway. During brainstorms, the golden rule is: do not edit yourself. Let the ideas flow freely, without judgment. Just record the brainstorm.
If the phone rings or the dog barks, or something else tries to distract you, ignore it. Keep this appointment with yourself. It is important enough to devote your full attention to it.
Challenge yourself to put at least 20 ideas down on paper. Give yourself permission to be a little crazy and silly; it helps to free your imagination from self-judgment. (Hint: that’s often when the genius shines through. And besides, it makes the process more FUN!)
Here’s is a simple example:
“How can I lose 25 pounds in the easiest and quickest way?”
- Clean all junk food out of my pantry, fridge and freezer.
- Fire the gardener and hire a personal trainer.
- Dance my way through housecleaning chores.
- Salads for dinner – always. And no sugary desserts.
- Stop snacking at my desk or in front of the television.
- Spend more time with my thinnest friends and ask how they stay that way.
- Post a mirror on the refrigerator, just about thigh high.
- Always eat in my underwear… with no clothing to hide my belly rolls.
- Never answer the door for Girl Scouts selling cookies.
- Invite my mother to nag me about my weight.
Go ahead, have fun with this! Get creative. You don’t have to hold yourself to everything that you put on paper, just throw out some ideas and reconsider them at another time. The point is to get your wheels turning, the wheels of creativity and inspiration. These wheels will carry you forward toward solutions and results.
Again, think in terms of quickest and easiest solutions. Train yourself to look for the shortcuts and the most inspiring pathways toward your goal; you’ll learn to think quicker and better, and to reach for breakthrough ideas. Strive to get more inspired, more often.
Most importantly, abandon the idea that achieving your goals requires a long, hard struggle. That approach is soo 2012. Make this the year that you finally find a way to create what you want without all the blood, sweat and tears.
And when the ideas start rolling in, please let me know… I can’t wait to hear what you will create in 2013.
In support of your success,
Margaret Page
P.S. Want to know what I’m creating in 2013? More belly laughs! I firmly believe that laughter – big, hearty belly laughs – are central to a great quality of life. I want to experience this kind of joy every day! If you have any tips for me, or any funny things to pass along, please reach out to me on Facebook or Twitter. And if there’s anything I can do to support you in making this a phenomenal year, please be sure to let me know.
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Margaret Page in A Page of Insight
October 22, 2012
“Hindsight is always 20/20” ~ Billy Wilder.
As we grow older and wiser, we often find ourselves looking back and saying, “If I only knew then what I know now!” It always seems so obvious, doesn’t it?
So when I was invited to speak at a college graduation, my mental wheels really started turning. What could I share with this crowd of eager young adults, just emerging from the cocoon of their education, ready to test their brand new wings on the winds of the world?
What words of wisdom would prove useful in meeting the challenges that lay ahead?
To answer these questions, I reached back into my own history and asked myself: what would have helped me to hear in my early 20s? The floodgates opened and a torrent of ideas came rushing through my mind.
“Invest in relationships. They are life’s greatest gifts.”
I reflected back on some of the lessons I tried to teach my own children…
“Never, never, never stop learning!”
…and some of the principles that I attribute to a happy life.
“Do the things you love now, not later.”
I thought about some things that life’s hard knocks had taught me.
“Even ‘bad’ experiences bring important lessons with them.”
And, I sifted through some of the ideas that helped shape my character.
“Always leave things better than you found them.”
Some thoughts revealed a healthy dose of perspective, the kind that only comes with age.
“It’s going to be ok, it really is!”
And the voices of discipline and self-control spoke up too.
“Being emotional is overrated. Learn to control your emotions.”
Optimism came through, loud and clear…
“Don’t forget to smile. You have a lot to be happy about.”
…as well as a strong tone of encouragement.
“Be bold in your life. It can make all the difference.”
Quality of life ideas also came in strong.
“You can’t live a good life with a bad attitude. Just be happy. Savor good times, and release the bad times.”
It’s important to recognize that most of the things we would tell our younger selves are still worth telling ourselves today. So I encourage you to take a few minutes to ask yourself: “What would I tell my younger self?”
Jot down your answers and tuck that paper away; be sure to put it somewhere that you will stumble across in the future. When you rediscover your note, chances are good that your current self will appreciate the advice.
Want to take this process one step further? How about we share our wisdom with each other? After all, we’ve paid our dues for this knowledge, so let’s share the wealth!
I’ll start… here’s what I would tell my younger self:
- “Focus more on building relationships rather than just getting the job done.”
- “Acknowledge and celebrate successes as often as possible.”
- “Spend more time becoming a better communicator.”
What would YOU tell your younger self? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Margaret Page in A Page of Insight
September 20, 2012
Do you ever get the feeling that customer service is becoming a big joke?
You probably don’t have to think too far back to remember:
- A store clerk who showed annoyance at “being interrupted” to help a customer;
- An distracted and painfully slow waiter; or
- An online inquiry that went unanswered.
Most of us have had these dreadful customer service experiences, and if we all got together in a room, we could gripe about them for hours. Dissatisfied customers LOVE to tell others how poorly they were treated – and with social media, the word spreads even faster.
You’d think companies would be more concerned about this. After all, studies show that:
- Two-thirds of customers do not feel valued by those serving them.
- Sixty-eight percent of customers stop doing business with a company because of poor service. Yet 95 percent of unhappy customers would continue to do business with a company if their problem was resolved quickly.
- In 73 percent of cases, businesses make no attempt to persuade dissatisfied customers to stay.
- It is 6-7 times more expensive to gain a new customer than it is to retain an existing customer.
And the problem is even bigger than these statistics imply – because the word “customer” includes more people than you might think.
In the business world, customers are categorized into two classes:
- An external customer of an organization is a customer who is not directly connected to that organization (e.g. a shopper in a store).
- An internal customer is a customer who is directly connected to an organization (e.g. stakeholders, employees, creditors and colleagues).
Beyond business, the word customer applies to anyone who comes to you with a need, looking to get it fulfilled. That need might be for skills, knowledge, communication, problem-solving, emotional support, guidance, even just your presence.
Think about your daily life and how many people cross your path, looking to get a need met. You have a lot of “customers” in your life – and being of service means being responsive to their needs.
Think about it this way:
- Friends come to us because we provide friendship, loyalty and companionship.
- Family comes to us seeking love, support, and acceptance.
- The client or boss relies on us to provide skills, reliability and performance.
- A spouse needs our love, support and partnership.
So, the quality of service we provide impacts many more people than just those who are purchasing goods and services – and when you look at it that way, we’re ALL in the business of keeping our customers happy.
Here are some simple principles that anyone can apply to be of better service.
10 Ways to Please Any Customer, Any Time
- Give people the gift of being fully present. To give someone your full attention is the most effective way of communicating: “You are important to me.” This is the most fundamental principle of service, but sometimes it can be a real challenge to honor it (says the woman who caught herself reading e-mails while talking on the phone with her son).
- Set your own needs and wants aside for a while. Being of service is an exercise in being “other-focused.” Those who are thinking of their own wants as they try to satisfy a customer come across as distracted, half-hearted, unenthusiastic, even annoyed. (“This person is interrupting what I was doing.”)
- Identify the underlying need. Look a little deeper to see what the moment calls for. A waitress who delivers a sincere smile with the food is much more appreciated than one who brings only the burger. And a child begging for a popsicle might really just need some attention. What is your customer really craving?
- Aim for complete satisfaction. Don’t just go through the motions of what’s expected… figure out what this person or situation needs in order to be happy. Consider the root of the problem, the long-term solution, and how to honor the relationship.
- Put a smile in your voice. You customer can tell in a heartbeat whether you’re truly interested in helping them. There’s nothing worse than a resentful helper, and nothing better than a bit of cheerful assistance.
- Act promptly. Whether that means returning a call, filling an order, responding to a request, addressing a complaint, or even thanking someone – make it a priority and don’t delay. A few years ago, it was acceptable to return a call within 48 hours; now that technology has increased the pace and interconnectedness of life, people want to hear back from you today. They appreciate it when you follow through sooner rather than later.
- Give with a glad heart. When your feel the joy of being of service, the exchange with another person is infused with a deeper level of satisfaction – for both parties.
- Solve problems. Great customer service professionals think on their feet. They have the skills to quickly analyze a situation and decide what needs to be done to solve the problem – now just for now, but forever.
- Do what you say you’re going to do. Reliability is an increasingly scarce quality, which means people appreciate it more and more. Cultivating this quality goes a long way toward earning a stellar reputation.
- Follow the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would have you do unto them. See the situation through their eyes and the best response becomes clear.
Something to consider:
In business and in life, if you don’t treat people right, they can always go elsewhere. So if you value those you interact with, make the effort to deliver a high standard of service. It will inevitably benefit you as much as it does your customer.
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Margaret Page in A Page of Insight
May 31, 2012
“He who thinks he leads but has no followers is merely taking a walk.”
~ Proverb
Let’s start with a simple question: How influential are you?
It’s a very important question, because your ability to influence others is a huge factor in your success, not only in business but in life. Your ability to develop and maintain successful relationships, professional success, and satisfaction with life is intricately connected with your ability to interact with people in a way that makes a strong impression. This is the heart of leadership.
According to John Maxwell, a renowned expert on leadership, leadership is: the ability to gain followers. (Simple enough, right?) But when we take a closer look at why people are following a leader, we start to understand the five different levels of influence a leader can exert.
In the following paragraphs, I’ll highlight these different levels of influence and share some of my own experiences of each “level of leadership.” As you read through them, I encourage you to reflect on your own life experience and see if you can identify each type of leader in your life. This will open up a deeper level of understanding – and perhaps some aspirations as well.
Level 1: Position-based leadership is the most basic level, established solely by title. Authority extends only as far as the title. People follow this type of leader only because they have to, and only so far as the boundaries of the title.
A good example of this would be a first-level manager in a company. People will do just enough to please their manager, and only while in the office. The only authority this manager has is what has been bestowed by higher-ups. Outside the office, this manager carries little to no influence – but some people mistakenly think themselves a true leader at this point, throwing their weight around, just to make a statement.
I once ran a municipal election campaign, and as the process got underway, four different team members approached me with a warning about that guy: “keep him away from me or I’m leaving the team.” By virtue of his title, that guy saw himself as second in command, but he was far from a true leader. He was rude to people, consistently pretentious, and a bit of a bully. Whenever he asserted his brand of “leadership,” he drained the energy, passion and enthusiasm right out of the group – and once the campaign was over, the rest of the team couldn’t wait to get away from him. He didn’t have a single loyal follower.
Level 2: Permission-based leadership occurs when people follow someone because they want to. This is the true beginning of influence. The leader really begins to grow as a person and contribute on a larger scale when people begin to follow him or her voluntarily.
Think of a fitness instructor. People show up for class because they want to be led and inspired by the leader in the front of the room. No one makes people show up and participate… they come for the sole purpose of being pulled forward by the skill, knowledge, insight and energy of the leader. In return, the leader develops a deeper level of dedication because of this loyalty.
When I think of this type of leader, a vision of Mariah comes to mind – the burlesque teacher I wrote about several months ago. She led a room full of uncertain, self-conscious women into the empowered mindset and sensual dance moves of a seasoned burlesque troupe. And her being taught us just as much, if not more than, her words and actions. She made us want to be just as confident and sexy and fluid as she was! And she was truly devoted to her role as our teacher.
Level 3: Production-based leadership occurs when people begin to produce and follow the leader because of what they see their leader doing for the organization. People like what the leader does, so they contribute their efforts to support those initiatives.
A good example would be a savvy business coach who comes into a struggling, inefficient business to assess and reshape operations. He or she opens up new channels of communications and implements strategies that create new avenues of progress. Once the employees and business leaders recognize the progress this coach brings to the company, they become eager to listen, learn, and apply the leader’s advice.
I discovered this type of leader in the Toastmasters organization, in a District Governor, Reamick Lo. She leads with a loyal and consistent hand, always showing up for every contest, training, and anniversary. She gives so much of her time and energy that she inspires others to step up and emulate her example. Always willing to handle challenging people and situations, she is committed to a win-win philosophy that inevitably moves everyone ahead. A master of perspective, she draws attention to the big picture, brushing aside the minor details to keep people anchored in the best interests of the organization.
Level 4: People development is a level of leadership that occurs when a leader contributes to others personally, helping them grow their own capacity for leadership. This generates an even deeper level of loyalty.
A sports coach who takes the time to mentor the team captain would be a good example. As the coach describes and portrays the qualities that elevate a player to a leader, the captain develops a high degree of openness and respect for the input of the coach. The influence that the coach has on the captain extends beyond the coach’s title, his or her ability to advise the team, or even the coach’s effect on the team’s results. This is where leadership is elevated to mentorship.
I experienced this in my own life when I worked with “a coach’s coach,” Teresia LaRocque. As she nurtured the leader in me, I grew to value and respect her in a way that transcended our professional relationship. I welcomed her input because she helped me grow my capacity and influence in a way few others had ever done before.
Level 5: Personhood is the pinnacle of leadership, and according to John Maxwell, very few people make it to this level. It occurs when people follow you based on who you are and what you represent or stand for, and it is reserved for people who have spent years growing others and their organization.
Examples include Nelson Mandela, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou and Mother Teresa – people who are known for their principles, their lifelong body of work, and their demonstrated commitment to others.
Pat Johnson, a former president of Toastmasters, once delivered a speech to a large group, recognizing the outstanding contribution of four exceptional people. She said to the audience, “If your life has been touched by at least one of these four people, please stand.” About 90 percent of the room stood up. Then she said, “If you’re still seated, and if anyone standing has touched your life, please stand.” Every remaining person rose to their feet. She went on to explain that while most of us are connected by six degrees of separation, these extraordinary leaders had such a strong influence that for them it was only two degrees. That’s powerful leadership.
Truth be told, the path of leadership isn’t really about power; it’s a path of extraordinary personal growth. It forces people to grow up and recognize that their actions and decisions aren’t just about them – they’re about the people we serve.
I once heard that Zig Ziglar decorated the hallway leading to his office with pictures of the people who inspired him and moved him along his path to success. Those people were his most influential leaders. Hearing this, I had to wonder… will I make it onto someone’s hallway wall someday?
Something to consider:
Become a student of leadership and influence. It’s definitely a path worth exploring! John Maxwell’s book, “Becoming a Person of Influence,” is a great starting point. And if there’s anything I can do to support you on your journey, please reach out and let me know!
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
April 18, 2012
For many of us, there comes a point in life when we look around and say, “What am I doing with my life?!”
For Joe Griffith, that moment came as he was lying in bed one morning. It was 2008, and life was good… or, so it seemed. He had a big, beautiful house, a luxury car in the garage, a lovely girlfriend, all the latest gadgets, even a printing company.
Yet he couldn’t help but feel that his life was slipping away. Like so many people, he knew he was just going through the motions. Was this really all there was to life? Where was the inspiration? The thrill of being alive?
As he lay in bed, he thought of his sister. She and her husband had worked all their lives, dreaming of the things they would do when they retired – travel to Turkey, cruise the Caribbean, and stand on the Great Wall of China. At 57, she was only three months into her retirement when she fell, hit her head, and died.
That morning, as he lay in bed, Joe resolved to start living a richer, more meaningful life – immediately. But… how?
As he drove to work that day, gazing at the boats on the ocean as he had done so many times before, he felt a stirring in his soul. After a bit of contemplation and a long, inspired talk with his girlfriend Patty, his dream came into focus. Joe wanted to sail.
Within a couple of months, he sold his house, his car, and most of his possessions. Leaving his company in the hands of his business partner, Joe and Patty left Victoria behind and set out for California.
Soon they were the proud new owners of a sailboat. Since they had zero sailing experience, they invested in six days of sailing lessons and then spent two months navigating up and down the coast of Southern California. Feeling confident, they set their sights on Mexico.
Their plan was to sail south around the tip of the Baja Peninsula, stop in Cabo San Lucas, then head north to La Paz and continue into the Sea of Cortez. It would be so warm and peaceful and relaxing – a true adventure to rejuvenate their spirits.
Shortly before they left California, they met a man in port and shared their plans with him over dinner one evening. He listened quietly, then turned to Joe and said, “You took six days of sailing lessons, and now you’re going to sail that boat 2500 km down to La Paz? You’re out of your mind! I have 20 years of sailing experience, and I wouldn’t do it. The two of you are going to die.”
Joe shrugged him off. After two decades of entrepreneurship – a first in his large, blue-collar family – he had the vision and self-confidence to chart his own course. So in March 2009, Joe and Patty set sail for Mexico.
Living the Dream
As you might expect, their journey was not as easy and peaceful as they had dreamed. The spring weather was much colder than expected, and the ocean tested their stamina in ways they never would have imagined.
“The journey from Ensenada to Turtle Bay was extremely challenging,” Joe remembers. “For 72 hours, we battled the ocean nonstop. I figured we could each sail the boat for four hours at a time while the other one slept, but the sea was so rough. The wind was pushing from behind, and the swells were beating against the starboard quarter, knocking us around. We could only steer for an hour at a time before our arms turned to lead and we had to switch. For three days, neither one of us got much sleep. It was so rough….
“But I was living! I had no regrets, because I was finally doing something I really wanted to do, not just following the well-worn path of ordinary life. We were living our dream and it felt incredible – even in the most miserable moments.”
As spring turned into summer, they made their way to calmer waters and balmy weather, and many months passed as they lived the sweet life of an extended vacation: cruising from port to port, catching fish for dinner, reading books on the beach. It was truly idyllic… for a while.
But then, that haunting question returned. “Is this really all there is?”
Two years into their adventure, “We started to crave something more meaningful – a way to make a contribution in the world. A glorious vacation – even the one of our dreams, of our own making – just wasn’t enough to keep us happy in the long term.”
It was time to start the next chapter of their lives. So, they sold the boat and made their way back to British Columbia.
The True Dream: An Inspired Life
Let’s have Joe tell the story from here, in his own words…
When I came back, I was a changed man. The material things of life no longer mattered to me – the big house, the fancy car, the gadgets had all lost their appeal.
But the most impactful moment was the day I walked back into the office. I saw something that left an enormous impression: everyone and everything looked exactly the same. It was as if no time had passed at all. And for the people there, it hadn’t. Each day, they came to work, did their jobs, went through their routines, went home, and woke up the next day to do it all over again. Nothing had changed.
I had been chasing my dreams, learning a new language, meeting new people, learning to sail, battling storms, catching my meals, following my inspiration… but for them, life was exactly the same, day after day. The difference between these two realities was so wide, so important, that I thought about it for many months.
I remembered talking to all these people on my journey who would say to me, “Wow, I would love to do what you’re doing – but I can’t.” I would ask them, “Why? Why can’t you?”
“Well, I still have 15 years to go until I retire.”
I would think of my sister and ask, “But what happens if you die in a week? You could be diagnosed with cancer next month. You don’t know if you’ll be here tomorrow or next week!”
So many people waste their days on menial tasks, doing what they have to do to make a car payment and pay the mortgage… but they are missing out on life (I say from experience).
Figure out what you’re passionate about and go do it! Don’t be stuck in a relationship that’s driving you crazy. Don’t be stuck in a job you don’t like. Don’t do work that doesn’t make you happy.
It seems that the vast majority of people want to wake up and know how their day will unfold. They want to know what they’re going to do at their job, that they’re going to get X amount of money if they keep showing up, so they can pay the mortgage and make the car payment. They want to know what the future’s going to look like. But they stop creating their reality. There’s no inspiration. They’re just floating along.
Some people say, “Well, it’s because we had children.” Okay, but then the children grow up and leave, and then what? What happens next? Do you want to keep sleepwalking through life? Does the human spirit, the desire to dream, get lost among car payments and mortgages?
Quit sleepwalking! Take the time to figure out what your values are. What do you feel passionate about? What do you want? Really, truly think about the question: If you had a month to live, what would you do?
Some people say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” But I say, face it wholeheartedly. We all know someone who died too soon. Think of someone in your life that you’ve known who died young. Put yourself in that person’s place. How would you live your life? What would you do differently? Almost every single person would say, “Yeah, I would be living differently.”
So why the hell aren’t you?!
I met a woman in California who said she wanted to go back to art school in New York. I asked her, “Then why aren’t you doing it?”
“Well I have a lease on an apartment… and I just bought a new sofa.”
“That’s the best you’ve got?” I asked. “Let’s go to your apartment. I’ll rip up your lease and burn your sofa. Then you will have nothing holding you here. Go!”
When people actually speak their limitations, it comes out kind of funny. It might make all the sense in the world in their heads, but when they finally say it, it’s easy to look at and say, “You’ve got to be kidding. Really? A sofa holds you back from your passion?”
What the world needs is people who are inspired – and it could be anything that inspires you. Plumbing, farming, it doesn’t matter. But do it because you love it – not just as a means to an end.
Questions to Consider:
Did Joe’s story inspire you? Or make you uncomfortable? Yes or no, either answer is fine… but take the next step and ask yourself: WHY? Is there a buried dream, deep inside, that wants to speak up?
Give yourself permission to dream. It’s the first step toward living a fuller, more meaningful life.
And if you have a dream, what would it take to pursue it? What’s holding you back? I encourage you to speak about your dreams with a trusted friend or advisor. Sometimes, our dreams and limitations look really different in conversation than they do in our heads.
Dare to live an inspired life!
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
March 12, 2012
“I just don’t know what to do!” When you hear yourself utter these words of confusion and frustration, you know you’re at a crossroads. A decision is looming, the stress of uncertainty is pressing, and the fog of inertia is moving in. It can feel like a giant storm is gathering on the horizon.
No one likes to be in this position, but we’ve all been there. It can be very scary to commit to a specific position or course of action, but the ability to make timely, well-considered decisions is a necessary life skill on the road to success, no matter what direction you’re going.
At the core, decision-making is a critical aspect of leadership – whether you’re leading your own life, leading a group, or leading a company. Each person has a specific style that feels most natural. Some people take their time and consider all the angles; others are quick and intuitive. Either approach can work well.
The question is: can you make clear, solid decisions and move forward with confidence?
According to renowned psychologist Herbert Simon, there are two distinct types of decision makers:
• Maximizers try to make an optimal decision, aiming to maximize results and make careful tradeoffs. This can be a time-intensive process – just ask a perfectionist! Maximizers are always on the lookout for better options, but they may not be as smart as they think! Research suggests that the more options a maximizer faces, the more unhappy they become.
• Satisficers simply try to find a solution that is “good enough.” It’s not that they settle for mediocrity; in fact, they make have very high standards. However, as soon as they find something that meets their criteria, the search is over and they feel satisfied. They tend to regret fewer decisions, and they are generally happier in their romantic relationships and lifestyles
Of course, no one is entirely one type or the other. Many people are maximizers in some areas (i.e. large purchases) and satisficers in other areas (i.e. restaurants) – but it’s interesting to note that the more you lean toward being a maximizer, the more anxious and stressed you’re likely to be. (A fascinating and popular book, The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz, explores this in detail.)
In other words, choose your (internal) battles carefully.
Roadblocks to Effective Decision Making
If our thoughts and perceptions are distorted, it can be nearly impossible to make a decision that will lead to a good outcome. Here are a few pitfalls to watch out for:
• Stress – The more pressure you feel, the harder it can be to get clear on how to move ahead.
• Fear of making the wrong decision can mean no decision at all. History is full of examples where battles were lost by a leader’s failure to make a decision – not by making a poor one.
• Wishful thinking – We often want to see things in a positive light; this can distort our view of the situation and the options at hand.
• Source credibility – We reject or accept input from a person, organization, or group based on what we believe about that source. This can skew our thinking, shifting us away from the truth.
• Repetition – We tend to believe what we have been told most often and by the greatest number of sources.
• Inertia – We are creatures of habit. Unwillingness to change what we did or thought in the past can prevent us from exploring new options or recognizing solutions
Take a few minutes to think about how you make decisions. The more you know about your own tendencies, the easier it will be to move ahead in life.
Questions to Consider:
1. Are you more of a maximizer or a satisficer?
2. Which roadblock do you experience most often?
3. When you feel paralyzed by indecision, what is one strategy that gets you moving again?
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
February 15, 2012
Socrates taught us, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Borrowing from his wisdom, I would like to suggest that the unexamined sentence is not worth speaking.
The language we use – both inside our heads and out in the world – is magnificently influential. The power that language has in shaping outcomes really cannot be understated.
Yet because we speak so frequently, we tend to let our mouths fly on autopilot, following well-worn patterns of expression. Given the influential power of language, it would be wise to slow down and ask ourselves: “Where do these verbal habits lead us?”
The mind is always listening to us talk, and it takes our words as instructions to build on. Star Wars Jedi Master Yoda spoke to us all when he said, “Do or do not; there is no try.” When we say “I’ll try,” it leads us into the effort-rich experience of trying. Yet when we say, “I will do it,” the mind follows an entirely different pathway – the path to making it happen.
Even a casual comment can generate a feeling, and that feeling grows into an attitude. A dear friend taught me this, in a very humbling moment. We had been talking one night about her enduring troubles in conceiving a child. This was a cherished dream, one she had attempted for so long, and we talked for nearly an hour about her heartache. Glancing at the clock, I realized my daughter was waiting for me to pick her up at school. “Janet,” I said, “I’m so sorry to end our call, but I have to go get Corinne.”
After a moment of silence, she said to me pointedly, “You mean, you GET to go get your daughter.”
(GULP.)
She was absolutely right. Parenting is a marvelous privilege… one that my friend yearned for deeply and might never know. Yet there I was, speaking on autopilot, casually implying that my parenting responsibilities were an inconvenient burden. This moment was a turning point for me, one that inspired a deep commitment to communicate as consciously as possible – to truly embrace the influential power of language.
In the years the followed, I delved into the teachings of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), examining the influence of language on our thoughts and behaviors, from the biological level all the way up through relationships and achievement. It was a path of study that forever changed the way I speak, think, and see the world.
Accentuate the Positive
One of the most valuable insights I gained from NLP was that language directs our focus. Ultimately, our words create the blueprint of our lives. Many people are relatively blind to this cause-and-effect relationship between the comments we utter and the results that follow – and sometimes we sabotage ourselves in the process.
For example, when we want a certain result, we often speak about what we don’t want (“Don’t forget the umbrella!”). The more we talk about what we don’t want, the more we think about what we don’t want – and the more energy we direct into what we don’t want.
It’s far more productive to reframe our words around what we DO want. “Remember the umbrella” has much more influence to create the desired result.
Here’s another common form of verbal sabotage: but. When you use this word to join two thoughts, “but” completely negates the first thought. If you’ve ever heard, “You did a great job, but…” you know what I mean. A simple shift to the word “and” can make all the difference. “You did a great job, and this one extra step would help us even more.”
When we learn to be precise and elegant in our language and communication, we increase our influence – both internally and externally. In the words of Theresa Bradley-Banta, “Elegance is a seduction. It is a grace of style. Of being in a way that attracts rather than repels.”
Empowering language strengthens our mindset, actions and relationships, all of which help us create what we want. In other words, it’s the horse that leads the cart.
This is why positive people have an easier time moving through life. Their language patterns support a positive mindset, which focuses attention on the desired results – unlike negative people, who seem to get lost in a swirling pool of fear and pessimism, and make little progress. Negative people simply have less energy left over to create, connect and move ahead.
This is why it is SO important to speak from a positive orientation. Staying focused in the right direction is a shortcut to feeling better, achieving more, and building stronger relationships.
Here are 10 common examples of disempowering language, paired with simple ways to adjust the language and redirect your energy.
| DISEMPOWERING Language |
EMPOWERING Language |
| “I don’t want to mess up!” |
“I’m going to succeed.” |
| “I have to brush my teeth.” |
“I’m going to brush my teeth.” |
| “I should do my work.” |
“I will do my work now.” |
| “I can’t afford to do that.” |
“I aspire to do that.” |
| “I hope to go someday.” |
“I intend to go next year.” |
| “Maybe tomorrow.” |
“Today.” |
| “This is a problem.” |
“This is an opportunity.” |
| “I am going to lose weight.” (We like to find the things we lose!) |
“I love to exercise.” or “I eat small portions of lean, nutritious foods.” |
| “I wish I did that.” |
“I will do that next time.” |
| “Thank you for the compliment, but…” |
“Thank you for the compliment, and…” |
Questions to Consider:
1. From this list of examples, which bolded phrases are you most likely to say? Select three.
2. Take a moment to review a recent experience when you spoke a disempowering comment. Explore the thoughts, feelings, actions and results that followed. Did your comment lift and focus you, or leave you feeling defeated and unable?
3. Are you willing to experiment with the power of positive communication? If yes, I applaud you! And I encourage you to share your experiences with me. (I almost said I hope you will share your experience… but I caught myself! Encouraging is much more empowered than hoping. )
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
January 15, 2012
A number of years ago, I traveled to China with a Feng Shui master and 22 of his students. Before we arrived, we were given a dossier on how to prepare for the trip and what to expect while traveling in China. The material indicated that negotiating on purchase prices was customary. Personally, I thought it was an uncivilized way to do business; but after a couple of days in China, I softened to the custom….
Each day that we traveled, we encountered many vendors who engaged us in negotiation and I began to see it as a way to interact with the locals; it was a dance of communication, with each party playing their part.
I would motion to inquire about the price and the Chinese vendor would key a number into a calculator, holding it up for me to see. I soon learned that one’s facial expressions are absolutely critical at this moment. A look of shock or dismay would inevitably lead to a lower offer; a look of satisfaction left me little room to bargain.
By the fifth day, I was really enjoying this game – and I was getting quite good at it. Others in my travel group noticed this and started asking me to negotiate their purchases for them. I was happy to do so, and to be honest, I was rather pleased that I had picked up this skill so quickly, despite my initial reservations.
The day before we were due to leave China, we stopped at a huge pearl factory. Hundreds of showcases filled multiple rooms, each displaying trays and trays of pearls. It was an incredible sight to see! Each room housed a different type of jewelry: necklaces in one room, earrings in the next, bracelets and brooches in yet another.
As I browsed through the merchandise, my eyes fell on a gorgeous strand of black pearls, elegantly displayed on a mannequin in the middle of the room. Carefully guarding my facial expressions, I initiated a “dance” with a young Chinese clerk, confident that I could secure this extraordinary necklace for a very reasonable price.
In the midst of our negotiations, a member of the group called on me to negotiate a pair of earrings for her. I hurried over, eager to demonstrate my great buying ability. As expected, I was successful in securing a good price for the earrings. Feeling quite self-assured, I returned to the necklace counter and resumed my own negotiations.
Suddenly, the driver of our tour bus shouted; we had two minutes to finish shopping! Quickly I made one last offer, signaling this was my best offer.
The young lady conferred with an elderly man who must have been her boss. He attempted to negotiate further, but I signaled no; this was my final offer. Reluctantly he nodded his head. The young lady smiled, opened up the showcase, and selected a strand from the dozens on the tray.
Thinking they were trying to sell me an inferior set of pearls, I balked. No, I indicated, I wanted to purchase the one on the mannequin. She looked startled and shook her head. But I firmly held my ground – the strand on the mannequin was the one I wanted to purchase.
Noticing the commotion, the boss returned to see what the problem was. After several heated exchanges, the young sales clerk reluctantly removed the necklace from the mannequin and packaged it up for me to take.
With a sigh of relief, I raced down the stairs and jumped on the bus, just as the driver was pulling away. Mission accomplished! And just in time.
As I strolled down the aisle to my seat near the back, I proudly showed off my purchase. Sinking into my seat, I smiled at the great buy I had just made. I really was good at this!
Suddenly, my smile faded as a feeling of horror came over me.
I took out the strand and examined it closer. The pearls were fake! In a flash I realized that the display strand was there to denote the size of the pearls in that particular showcase. The young clerk had been trying so hard to give me a strand of real pearls, but I had insisted on taking the imitation pearls!
That day, I learned a difficult lesson: New-found confidence can create a false sense of certainty… and there is a very thin line between overconfidence and complete incompetence.
Thoughts to Consider:
Everyone has experienced moments when we trip over the line between confidence and incompetence. These experiences can be quite humbling, or deeply humiliating. Humility reflects learning; humiliation reflects shame. When life smacks you upside the head, be sure to search for the underlying lesson. It’s the only way to turn an embarrassing experience into lifelong wisdom.
Don’t forget… I’m on Facebook too! Have we connected yet? If not, please reach out and “friend” me! If you prefer Twitter, I’m there too. Let’s link up!
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
December 15, 2011
“Wow, Margaret, you make decisions so quickly and easily!”
It was as surprising compliment – but a welcome one. As I let her words of acknowledgement sink in, I realized they highlighted two very important facts:
1. Many, many people struggle when it comes to making decisions, and
2. I had come a really lo-o-ong way in this department.
You see, I wasn’t always quick to make a decision. In fact, more times than I’d like to admit, I agonized over my options, afraid to commit myself one way or the other. What if I made the wrong choice?
Sometimes I’d let the question linger so long that the pressure grew too much to bare, and I’d finally make a hasty decision, just to get it over with. (I can assure you, that’s a quick path to regret.)
Fortunately, in my training to be a professional coach, I finally found the magic formula – a quick and easy decision-making process that has never steered me wrong. Want to know the secret?
It all comes down to values. When you know what means the most to you, it’s easy to weigh your options against these criteria. Let me explain, using a recent example from my own life.
A few months ago, I found myself facing more opportunities than I could possibly commit myself to: I was asked to run for mayor of my city; I was invited to step up an chair a local community foundation; and I had a chance to become Lieutenant Governor Of Education & Training in preparation to be the District Governor of District 21 for Toastmasters International. At first, all three options seemed quite compelling… but there was no way I could possibly fulfill all three roles, and maintain my professional and family commitments.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through years of service work, it’s this: If you’re not honoring your own needs and values, you can’t very well serve the people you’re trying to support. (“Spreading myself too thin,” “volunteer burnout,” and “filling a slot” are courses in the School of Life that I’d rather not repeat!)
So, what to do? How to choose? In the past, this situation might have paralyzed me… but not this time!
I carefully weighed each option against two sets of specific criteria:
1. The things that make a volunteer position feel truly fulfilling for me (learning new things, making a difference, working with interesting people, and appreciation); and
2. The stated values of each organization.
I started with my first option: running for mayor. I am passionate about local politics, and the stated values of my community (environmental protection, local business and economic development, and education) resonate deeply with me. I know a lot about the election process, and I was certain I could fill the role well… but did I really feel like this feel like the best way for me to make a difference? Hmmm… not so much, I decided.
I turned my attention to the second option: being the chair of the Foundation. This is a wonderful group of people, and the organization is community focused, which definitely appeals to me. But when I took a closer look, I realized I was lacking the particular skills it would take to really make a difference in this specific organization. If I can’t take them to a new level and truly move the group forward, why me? I’m certain that someone else can make a bigger impact than I can.
When I considered the third option, District Governor of Toastmasters International, I could feel myself light up. I really was drawn to this opportunity, and I knew I could make a difference for this organization that I have grown to love so much. With strong mentors, eager volunteers, and a committed membership, there was no doubt I’d be surrounded by stimulating, interesting and very appreciative people. Perhaps most importantly, the stated values of Toastmasters – servant leadership, commitment to excellence, respect and integrity – are values I aspire to live by.
It didn’t take long for my decision to reveal itself, and the process was effortless. Knowing the criteria that mattered most – to me and to the organizations – made it easy to identify the best place to invest my time, talents and efforts.
When it came time to communicate my decisions, I must admit, I felt a touch of apprehension. Like most people, I hate to let others down. However, this time, the conversations were easier than ever before. Why? Because all I had to do was mention my values.
• “I’m so sorry, but I have to decline your gracious offer. As much as I love to support local politics, I really don’t feel that running for mayor is the best way for me to contribute. Perhaps I could assist by coaching the candidates through the election process?“
• “I’m so sorry, but I have to decline your gracious offer. I am committed to investing myself where I can make the most difference, and I just don’t think I have the skills that this organization needs. May I suggest some people who may be a better fit?”
When people heard my reasoning, they were more than receptive – they were truly supportive of my desire to live in alignment with my deepest values.
In the end, these decisions served us all far better than if I had caved in to the pressure to please.
Questions to Consider:
If I asked you about your values, could you name your top 5? If not, don’t worry… most people can’t. Feel free to visit my website and download – Live Your Values a quick and easy tool to help you pinpoint the things that mean the most to you.
When you know your values… your truest priorities… you have a ready-made set of criteria to weigh any opportunity against. Whether it’s a new job opportunity, a new relationship, or any other choice you face, knowing your priorities simplifies the decision-making process so radically, and so easily. And, it makes it much easier to communicate your decisions.
I strongly encourage you to take the time to get clear on your own priorities, your unique set of criteria. What keeps you inspired and motivated? What compels you to engage? You need to know! It’s the key to a life well lived.
Don’t forget… I’m on Facebook too! Have we connected yet? If not, please reach out and “friend” me! If you prefer Twitter, I’m there too. Let’s link up!
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
November 15, 2011
Have you ever encountered someone who left an unexpected and lasting impression? These people can be few and far between, but when life brings us one, it’s always wise to ponder the experience. Profound lessons may be presenting themselves.
In May, I was the keynote speaker at the annual Every Woman conference in Whistler, Canada. Co-founded by Olympic runner Lynn Kanuka and world champion gymnast Kerri Carlson, this unique forum empowers “every woman” to:
…achieve your goals and fulfill your dreams, to feel uninhibited in trying new activities, challenging yourself and being supported by the women around you…. utilize physical activity to motivate you and to help you to think more clearly, to adopt a healthy lifestyle utilize physical and to take care of your body, to reconnect with ourselves and our friends, to learn something from someone new or different, to keep challenging yourself and to examine what it is we want out of life, and by golly, to have fun!
From belly dancing to laughter yoga, cardio striptease and even a couch potato workout (!), this event was designed to help women get moving, enjoy themselves and feel alive.
I was intrigued to find a burlesque class on the itinerary, and I was curious what it was all about. If you aren’t familiar with this particular art form, here’s a little background.
Burlesque was popular from the 1860s to the 1940s, often in cabarets, clubs and theatres, and featured bawdy comedy and female striptease. By the late 1930s, burlesque shows had up to six exotic dancers, usually supported by one or two comics and a master of ceremonies. Burlesque is presented in a high-spirited mood, and its history includes notable comics such as Mae West, W. C. Fields, Jackie Gleason, and Abbott and Costello. Since the 1990s, there has been a resurgence of interest in burlesque and the fun-loving, glamorous, uninhibited atmosphere of such a show.
Our burlesque dance teacher’s name was Mariah, and her commanding presence completely captivated the room. With volumes of long, red curly hair, a burgundy dance leotard and a flowing ballet skirt, she was a vision of energy and motion. I was intrigued, and I wasn’t alone. Even without a microphone, she had the undivided attention of 100+ women.
“Ladies!” she called out with sheer delight, “It’s time to feel your radiance!” As we soon discovered, self-appreciation is the first and most important ingredient in a saucy burlesque performance.
“Let’s start by reaching down to our ankles, laying our hands gently on our bodies, and slowly drawing them up, tracing and embracing our womanly curves. Flow your hands over your hips, to the curve of your waist, and follow your torso all the way up. As you go, I want to hear you saying: ‘I have arrived and I am FABULOUS!’ When you reach the top, stretch up high and say, ‘Ahhh!’”
What a mood changer! I thought to myself, “Now I know why they call the wind Mariah” (from the Broadway musical, Paint Your Wagon).
Over the course of one hour, her charisma and enthusiasm set the room on fire, transforming our large group of somewhat inhibited women into a hotbed of sensual motion.
That is no small feat – especially in Canada! So, it begs the question: how did she do it?
Her first secret was an attitude of radical self-acceptance. We all know that confidence is sexy, but the way Mariah strutted and swayed revealed an uncommon level of comfort with her womanly curves. Somehow, seeing that modeled gave us all permission to move more freely. “Don’t be shy about your curves, celebrate them! After all, they distinguish us from the men. And a lady who is comfortable in her body and truly enjoys it is deeply intriguing and sexy to a man.”
Her second secret was a deep understanding of sensuality. “Being comfortable with your body comes from feeling it, and enjoying all the ways you can move and express your femininity. Being aware of your body and feeling it move is a sensual act; it lights up your senses. That experience of sensuality is sexy!”
Her third secret was all about expressing the energy of the dance with an extra bit of flair. “Think hips, lips and tips, Ladies!” And for that crucial element of sass, she taught us how to throw a fiercely flirty look to the audience. (Hint: it starts with having the right thought in mind… but I probably shouldn’t print it here!)
Beyond the basics of form and technique, Mariah’s most valuable lesson was delivered through her being – being comfortable with who she is and completely at home in her own skin. And, perhaps more importantly, being comfortable with everyone else in the room. Mariah inspired us to enjoy ourselves and our womanly bodies, and to accept ourselves and each other completely.
Think about that for a moment! There is so much power and possibility in acceptance. So much freedom and joy when there is nothing to hide!
There are so many opportunities to feel bold and celebrate yourself, and revel in the experience of others celebrating you. In the end, isn’t that really the heart of burlesque?
Mariah says she teaches dance, but the way I see it, she teaches people how to loosen up tight bodies and minds, and embrace a deep awareness of the sheer pleasure of being alive. She reminded me to enjoy the simple things in life, like the feel of smooth, well-fitting fabric on my skin, or the energy and nourishment I get from healthy foods. There is so much pleasure available in every moment! We just have to reach for it.
Whether you like to dance or not, that is one type of exercise that anyone can do – and it always feels good.
Questions to Consider:
1. How do you hide your inner Mariah – and why?
2. Who would you be if you accepted yourself fully?
3. How can you express your pleasure-loving, flirtatious side in a bold yet classy way?
Note: Mariah-Jane Thies is a ballet teacher, and a natural performer. After a brief stint in a local production of the musical “Sweet Charity,” portraying a flirty, sensual dancehall girl, she fell in love with the art of burlesque – and let me tell you, it showed. If you’re interested in learning more of her secrets and drawing inspiration from her passion, you can connect with her on Facebook or read her blog.
That reminds me… I’m on Facebook too! Have we connected yet? If not, please reach out and “friend” me! If you prefer Twitter, I’m there too. Let’s link up!
Continue Reading »
Print This Post
Posted by Amazing Editor in A Page of Insight
have a case of January fever? I absolutely love January because it’s the time of year when people are most willing to take action, make changes, and exercise their ability to shape their lives. There’s a lot of talk about goal setting and resolution making, but I think of January as a lot more than that – it’s a time of visioning, dreaming, planning and manifesting. It’s the month of inspiration and courageous steps forward!
