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Approach Each Man By the Right Door

I recently read an article by Nick Bilton, columnist and lead writer at The New York Times, titled Disruptions: Digital Era Redefining Etiquette. In the article, Bilton writes “Who leaves a voice mail message when you don’t answer, rather than texting you? Don’t these people realize they’re wasting your time?”

I was a little surprised by the sentiment that leaving a voice mail for someone was “a waste of time.” Sending off a quick text makes sense to me if it’s just a short response or quick communication – but to stop leaving voicemails altogether because it’s considered a waste of time? I simply don’t believe that’s true, even (and maybe especially) in a world where, as Bilton states, “…we are drowning in digital communication.” Do we really want to revert to non-verbal communication as a standard way of communicating?

I do agree that the social norms for communication have shifted due to texting and social media, but when you get to the end of your life are you going to say “I’m so glad I sent out 65000 tweets,” or are you going to recall the conversations you had with your mother every Sunday evening?

Is the 60 seconds you save by sending a text message, or a tweet, really more important than really giving time to an individual?

Know Your Audience

As Bilton noted in his article, the way we handle these differing standards is by thinking of your audience. It’s about being flexible in how you communicate with people. Think about who the relationship is with and be flexible. Your mother, for example, probably enjoys hearing your voice, so a voicemail left on her phone is going to make her smile, not annoy her. A busy colleague, on the other hand, is not going to be surprised that you texted him when you were ready to head to a lunch appointment. It’s what he’s expecting.

We’ve all heard of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” but with that “rule,” there is an assumption that others would like to be treated the way that you want to be treated. An alternative to the Golden Rule is the Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way in they want to be treated.”

When thinking about whether to text someone, tweet someone – or if you’re trying to decide if you should leave a voice message, think about what that particular individual prefers. If their preferred method of communicating is email, then send an email. Texting? Text away! We need to meet people in their model of world, not our own.

“You’ll never know until you try to reach them, how accessible men are. But you must approach each man by the right door”

~ Henry Ward Beecher

Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged etiquette tips for communication, Platinum Rule.