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Is She a Lady or a Woman?

There are some women who are insulted if they are referred to as a lady – especially in a business setting. An example being: “I’d like to introduce to you, Jane Smith, the lady I worked with on the XYZ project.”

Isn’t it ironic that if we use the term “gentleman” in that same sentence, it doesn’t feel like a slight? “I’d like to introduce you to John Smith, the gentleman I worked with on the XYZ project.”

So, why are some women so turned off by the word “lady”? I wonder if it bothers some women because we are still trying to fit into a man’s world. That no matter how successful we become, we are on guard for the slightest threat that would diminish our credibility.

On the flip side, I found this New York Times article, dated January, 1887, that recalls a story where a gentleman knocked down a cabman because he had addressed his wife as a woman and not a lady. The author goes on to say “None of us would think it derogatory to speak of our wives or mothers as being charming, clever or beautiful women. But none of us, unless speaking in anger or in strong rebuke would address either his mother, his wife, or his sister as woman, and strange to say, this prejudice does not seem to be of modern date.”

That was then. And this is now. Times have definitely changed.

I used to frequent a restaurant in the States and the very friendly waitress always welcomed me with a “Hey Sweetie! What can I get you?” At first I found it odd that she would call me sweetie. After all she didn’t even know me. But eventually I came to see everyone had a smile for her and she loved what she was doing.  And if is it one thing that the North American workplace can use is a lot more people enjoying what they are doing.

And what about the word “girls”? I know many women who dislike being called a girl.  I get a chuckle out of it now.  And the older I get, the more I seem to enjoy in.  And why not be okay with that? There are plenty of other “names” that we could be called that are truly demeaning.

I believe that in the end, whether a person calls you “Hon, Sweetie, Doll, Princess, Lady, or Woman, we have to left it go. The person’s intention was not to criticize or demean us.  It’s our own rulebook where the Judgement, with a capital “J,” is made. Each of us has a unique basis of interpretation, so that is unavoidable. What’s important is that we try to understand each other, and simply take some things with a grain of salt.

And remember this: if the worst thing that’s happened to you today is that someone violated how you prefer to be addressed you’re having a pretty good day!

From Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliette: “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” 

Posted by Margaret in Communication and tagged addressing people, lady, woman, Gain Confidence, Class and Communication Skills with Etiquette Products.