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Transform Yourself from Wallflower to Social Butterfly

Imagine you’ve just been invited to a party where the only person you know is the hostess (and her dog!) Are you the kind of person who loves meeting new people and is already thinking about what you’ll wear? Or does the very thought of spending an evening with people you’ve never met make your palms sweat?

Not everyone who is invited to parties and mingling opportunities jumps for joy at the thought of meeting new people. If you’re nervous when faced with the idea of having to introduce yourself in an unfamiliar situation or talk about yourself with strangers, you’re not alone. There are plenty of party-goers hiding away from the crowd, trying NOT to be noticed, who are missing opportunities to meet new friends.

Don’t be a wallflower

I don’t think anyone really wants to be a wallflower. It’s in our nature as human beings to feel connected, part of the group. From the time we were little kids, we knew that it was important to be part of something. I don’t know if any of you ever played “Red Rover,” but I know I loved it when I was “called over.” Being part of the “team” was huge when you were a kid. And as adults, we still want that connection.

So what do you do if your nerves get the better of you and you find yourself sitting away from the crowd, wondering how to break into the conversation?

Here are a few tips for feeling more comfortable at your next party so you can transform from a wallflower to a “social butterfly.”

1. Breathe. Take deep, cleansing breaths to calm yourself if you feel nervousness taking over. Learning to slow your breathing down can help you bring your physical symptoms of anxiety back under control.
2. As tempting as it might be to hide away in a corner of the room, step outside your comfort zone and force yourself to introduce yourself to people. I know some of you are saying “But, Margaret I, hate to talk to new people and you want ME to start the conversation? I’d rather stick a fork in my eye!” Put down the utensils. Research shows that when you initiate conversation it makes you appear more confident to people and they immediately feel more at ease—and that comfort transfers to you. Go first!
3. If you’re super shy, and don’t want to “make the first move,” stand near a group of people and use your body language to make yourself approachable. The key to appearing friendly and approaching is projecting openness. Smile and make eye contact. Keep your arms at your side (not folded), and your palms facing out. No fidgeting or hand wringing.
4. Take the focus off yourself. One of the simplest ways to start a conversation with someone is to ask them questions about themselves. Find what they’re passionate about. Listen and be interested. Naturally, they will ask you questions about yourself and in just a matter of minutes, you’ve made a connection and will feel more at ease.
5. Practice. Join a class or sign up for an activity or volunteer work that you enjoy—and make it a point to talk to new people. Interacting with people who have a shared interest is a good way to become more socially comfortable.

Remember, no one is born with the gift of gab. It takes time–and practice — to build your social confidence–but the effort is worth it. Think of all the new friends you will make once you discover your inner confidence!

– Margaret

Quote of the Month

”It is never too late to be who you might have been.”

~ George Eliot

Posted by Margaret Page in Newsletters.